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It was there when the realization smacked me in the face and flipped my world upside. Where did you go that night you told me you needed to help a friend? where did you get that pretty red ribbon from that you tied in my hair the other night? Where did you come from? Why on earth did i tell you so much about myself???

It was there lurking in the shadows, witing for the exact moment my weakness would take over. I could feel my mind willing to give up, my body exhausted but willing. Without even trying, I was killing myself slowly, painlessly, and it was there; waiting for that exact moment when it could finish the job. It was up to me to save myself, I had the tools, but if only I had the motivation…

it was there, and then, the second you walked into my room you captured me full attention, my body, my mind, my lips, my words, my hips, everything was yours. i was high as a kite, and on cloud 9. so strung out, and totally checking you out when you literally swept me off my feet and threw me onto the bed.

they were there. the monsters.
one second, they were reaching out, sniffing, growling, drooling, disgustingly starving, searching for something, as if they couldn’t see me.
then, a piercing red stared me in the eyes. it was so radical that my shaking hands felt rapture in sucking the very breath out of my own lungs. but it didn’t last long..
(do not let another touch you, child.)
one second they were lurching, the nest they were gone.
gone.
no sound. no fear. no monsters.
and suddenly i know i’'m not sleeping.

Whenever I closed my eyes, no matter how tired I was beforehand, it was there, waiting, always waiting. If my attention began to wander during a lecture I would see his face in my mind’s eye, see his eyes widen with fear as he realised that there was no possibility of escape, hear his scream, shrill and clear, carrying on the wind. I would hear his cry for help. No matter what the verdict of the jury that day. No matter how strong the memory of the injuries he inflicted on me. No matter how vivid the scars remain on my body, I know I exacted the ultimate revenge …. and yet I still feel … GUILTY.

The cat’s pills were in the cupboard above the washing machine. Then they weren’t. They still aren’t. I didn’t throw them away. Did the cat?