So this is what it feels like to be completely and utterly heart broken.
I fucked up.
I fucked it all up.
I went to a party, drank, and cheated on him. But he doesn’t even know that part yet. He knows half of the truth. The half being that I don’t want a serious relationship right now. He doesn’t know about the other guy, and I hope he doesn’t find out because I cannot crush him any more. I’m so great at fucking good things up.
Was it a good thing? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is I’m fucked for prom, majorly.
I hope you know
I’m pushing everything behind just to work on this for you.
You probably don’t care,
You see, AP classes aren’t easy. I have four of them, homework in each, and plenty of studying to do. There is no such thing as a ”break”.
Plus, college. Ever go there? I have been trying to figure out if I can even afford to go there, so I am undoubtedly under a lot of stress.
So sorry if I am taking longer than you would like to finish this. You see, I have priorites. This is not one of them, but yet you force it upon me.
You could have asked me to be the photographer, and I would have done this more efficiently. But you didn’t.
And honestly, I have never felt included. I can’t honestly consider this my family. I’ve been left out. And, why waste my time.
Why waste my time.
I have a type. Or I had a type. But now I’m not sure what I want. I’m admiring a guy who is so chill and badass, just like what I would imagine myself with. But yet, that’s not what I end up with. Sometimes I need to figure out, what’s more important: what I want or what I need?
You see, my boyfriend is sweet. He’ll take care of me, he’ll tell me how cute I am, he’ll be a sweetheart and a gentleman. That’s what we all need, right?
I think I’m maing a good choice. Because, what the hell, he will treat me right. He will be there. I’m done with those assholse who get deep and personal but then ditch you when things get serious.
Now, I did not want to start college while in a serious relationship. I will have to wait and play this one out. But who knows what the future will hold, who knows how serious this will get.
Sorry for the diary entry.
side to side,
watching as all worlds collide.
your every shot,
your every move,
your every thought.
where you stand
on this earth we all obsess over.
Sometimes I get too caught up. There are times where you become less of my friend, and more of my diary. You’re like my sacred cup; I carelessly spill all my problems into you, but you manage to catch it all and hand it back to me, neatly stored and organized. It’s not that life is particularly hard, but, you know, sometimes it just catches up to you. Life comes at you in every directions, and some moments you are just not able to defend all sides. But, life goes on. You showed me that. You taught me that no matter how hard things seem, problems aren’t hard to overcome. Just got to get through it, that’s the hard part. After you realize you can handle it, after you put your armor on, after you take that first step…things start to clear up. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for showing me how to handle my life. Thank you for teaching me how to organize what comes at me and deal with them bit by bit. Thank you for always being there.
Reading the epic was like reading my fortune–a fortune that will determine my next move. I am all out of ideas, so there is just one thing left to do.
We cannot function without each other. It’s a sad realization that is difficult to come by, and even more difficult to completely understand. Just like a function cannot be continuous unless all the points are where they should be; we, as humans, cannot function unless everyone is where they should be, playing the role they [...]
The lid creaked as she pried it apart. A smell like dust and cedar enveloped the little box, and three folded papers greeted her wandering fingers. Special words, the greatest of her life. Last words.
You tell me you love me, but it just isn’t enough for you. I will never be enough for you. You don’t get how much I want you. How much I need you. How much I give up for you. But you expect me to sit quietly while you use me. While you play me. While you mess with my heart. Why can’t you just love me back?
Where is the snow? I am tired of waiting around for it to get here.
The bland food was not much, but it was all I could afford. After all, beggars can’t be choosers. I can live with some boring meals; in the long run, I’ll be rewarded. But bland as it might be, it is healthy.
They told me, “Wear an apron. Wear that ugly, one-size fits all, piece of trash that’s been worn by so many broken souls before you. Wear it while you sling out coffee and throw out smelly grounds. Wear it while you become increasingly sick of the smell of all things bakery. Wear it while you [...]
had to write a rap to Tupac in creative writing. Thought my attempt was too pathetic not to share.
I have to say I’m too white to rap
But I have to take a stab.
I miss you man;
When you left,
the good rap went along.
I’ll buy you a ticket home,
Just ring my phone
You won’t hear dial tone
All the wonderful things you missed
like when Brittney and Madonna kissed
and when Kanye got his fame,
even old ladies know his name.
And Bush got kicked out of the house
And McCain stayed out.
Sarah Palin shot a moose
and tightened a Democrat’s noose.
Good music died
and made the critics cry.
Now all we hear in the street
is the pounding of someone’s feet.
instead of your rhymes from a radio.
For once, I’m excited for the season. I want the first snow fall to come, I want the house to smell like a forest, I want to listen to classic holiday songs, I want to wrap presents, and I want, above all, to be able to see my family this year. I hope that last one comes true.
Drowning out the silence
With the sound of their
Crippling my hopes.
What’s on my mind? I’ll tell you what’s on my mind.
Somehow the entire class depends on what you get as a single grade.
There’s a reason it’s called a crush.
Why are we completely dependent on something that takes so much work to acquire?
How arbitrary. We spend our lives watching it, waiting for it, wasting it…
We don’t have time for the one thing we desire most during the day.
We work hard in school, only to get out and not find a job. The older generation criticizes it when, after all, they were the ones telling us to go to college and not settle for burger flipping.
It can bring you up, and tear you down. And yet, I’m utterly dependent.
Positively. That’s what I thought I was. I guess no one can ever be completely positive of one thing. Even when you think you’re happy, there’s a sliver of doubt hiding in the back of your mind, prepared to jump out at you any second. Positively. Uf, what is positve anyways?
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