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asavas commented on the post, mumbling 1 month, 1 week ago
Mumbling my actions aloud. It’s a bit of a nervous habit I picked up. If I’m in a room with somebody and don’t have any real conversations to have with them (which is often), I’ll start narrating what I’m doing. “I’m just gonna type up the rest of this email…?” Complete with the upward shift in intonation.
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asavas commented on the post, fabricated 1 month, 3 weeks ago
Living a fabricated identity was a miserable rush of beige. At least now, I am true.
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asavas commented on the post, terrain 2 months, 2 weeks ago
As far as the eye can see.
Pockmarked, scarred terrain surrounds me–
enclosed by invisible forces that drown me in sheer isolation. -
asavas commented on the post, also 2 months, 2 weeks ago
An afterthought.
I never really considered myself to be the typed of person who made plans, who said what they wanted to say in one concise statement. Always appendages, always the vestiges of thoughts that I tack on to the end.
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asavas commented on the post, features 3 months, 3 weeks ago
It’s a feeling I’m not entirely accustomed to. That desire I’ve never allowed myself to feel–the fantasy of my index finger tracing your features, exploring every contour and every inch of your body.
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asavas commented on the post, responsibility 4 months ago
Responsibility–a word hammered into my brain so completely that it seems to have almost lost meaning in how frequently it’s been projected onto my future. I may be a responsible person, but do I have any true responsibility?
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asavas commented on the post, sweep 4 months, 1 week ago
She sweeps the loose bits to the side of the desk. “Somebody REALLY needs to reorganize the place.” Before I can even open my mouth she asks–can she do it? Please? Please? She’s really good at it, she says. She’s O.C.D., apparently.
Is being neurotic supposed to give people the excuse to diagnose themselves with O.C.D.?
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asavas commented on the post, size 4 months, 1 week ago
It’s hard to get an objective perspective on my size. I know it sounds strange or vague or mildly provocative, but there’s remained in me an inability to judge my stature. Average height be damned–I’ve felt the same in my body since the third grade. What does that say about me?
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asavas commented on the post, amount 4 months, 3 weeks ago
I wouldn’t consider it something that could be measured by quantifiable means or amounts. Rather it’s a bit elusive–a charge of some sort of energy that makes one do things they never thought they would do.
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asavas commented on the post, fire 5 months ago
I’m going to set the place on fire and not worry about how far it might spread. Let somebody else deal with it. Let my children worry about it. Let my grandchildren worry about it.
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asavas commented on the post, game 5 months, 1 week ago
I’m not one for video games anymore. Somehow just lost interest, deciding to devote my time to other trivial activities. If I were born years ago, perhaps I would have been forced to take piano lessons or go to Greek school. Instead… I played video games.
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asavas commented on the post, due 5 months, 1 week ago
“Every bill comes due.”
Words of wisdom from a religion teacher, herself so volatile that we would never be able to tell if our brand of adolescent crass would drive her up the wall enough to swear at us or give us the bird. Asking her about her thoughts and opinions on sixteen year olds dry humping on a dance floor was enough to get her to go bonkers.
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asavas commented on the post, library 6 months ago
Hours in the library. Endless rows of stacks, books so old their pages are rotting–spines so rigid they crack and splinter at the first opening in decades. Learning is despair.
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asavas commented on the post, late 6 months ago
Two hours late. By now I should have received a phone call, a knock at the door–an indication that something has gone horribly wrong…
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asavas commented on the post, received 6 months ago
Something out of a dream, probably influenced by the idyllic families and suburbs of 1950s television. The box was pink, the bow was red. I’ll never know the contents of the box I received–some symbolic gift that promised a gift of obligation and devoid of thought.
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asavas commented on the post, employees 6 months, 1 week ago
As employees, sometimes you’re just treated like garbage because you’re wearing a uniform and a nametag. It can be dehumanizing at times. It pays the bills, but even the customers can get away with murder… No sense of courtesy because they use money to turn us into whores.
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asavas commented on the post, themselves 6 months, 2 weeks ago
They can fend for themselves. We did, after all. Just looking at the example set by the last generation–they really prepared us well.
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asavas commented on the post, possible 7 months, 3 weeks ago
Possibility is a myth. I remember when I was a child and each of us was told that achieving anything we set our minds to was possible. Not only possible, but probable. Look where I am… I can’t afford […]
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asavas commented on the post, walls 7 months, 3 weeks ago
The walls are thin in my house. I hear everything that happens in the next room. Sometimes I press my ears against them, hoping to hear the sounds coming through them… And sometimes I wonder how much these walls have seen.
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asavas commented on the post, vote 7 months, 3 weeks ago
Every vote counts. Bullshit. I am one person a state that will almost certainly side with the straight-laced white guy who vows to extinguish any progress towards accepting people like me. Three electoral votes to […]
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