kapag dumating ang panahon na kailangan kitang iwanan,
huwag mo akong kalimutan.
bibitbitin kita sa banyagang bansa, ipagmamalaki kita,
hinding hindi ka dapat magalala.
hahanapin kita sa bawat sulok, bawat kanto.
lungsod ko, wala nang tatalo sayo.
you are winged eyeliner, uneven
you are cocaine, cut but i don’t care
you are cheap beers, and 2 am spent
throwing up on the bathroom floor
because that’s what i ended up doing
she had wings in her bones.
it would take a patient lover
or a zombie invasion
to tease them out.
(she had been so, so hopeful
the former would come first.)
there are only ever two kinds of things in this world:
the holy and the profane
(see also sex, war, cannibalism)
she stirs them up for battle
but she never stays for the fighting
(she’s seen it all before)
not while there are men in the world
with empty hearts and idle fists
you mistake the heat for
the absence of angels
(they are standing too close)
the sunflower did not know of
anything but the sun
it spent all its time looking up
satisfied, if not happy.
it could not see its leaves withering,
the aphids gnawing
at its underbellies; it could not hear
the footsteps of its gardener
it could not feel its brethren getting cut
at the ankles,
betrayed and bouqueted.
it never found out that the sun
was no savior,
that bright things were full of cowardice,
having never been in the dark.
it did not know it had been left
i did not want to know.
i did not want to know.
you hate me
less than i
i consider that
i only denied him
because i was drunk.
i am also the reason that
drunk countertop dancing,
and drunk murdering
are no longer admissible crimes.
the guy can hold a grudge.
sorry about that.
we were all icarus
at one point or another
literal moths to a flame
the men who wrote the bestselling book thought
the morning most sublime
isn’t it f-cked up that what we consider
the most irresistible thing
is the one we cant ever have
touch it and stop existing
keep away and why exist?
right now there are big balls of fire
in place of your cheeks
i’m beginning to see what they mean
i love you, or,
you are so beautiful you can destroy me
(hope you dont,
wont mind if you do)
what the hell do i know
i know in x years
i’ll fall in love with a girl
and we’ll marry somewhere far
and i won’t have any family
on my side of the aisle
i know in x years
i’ll have to explain to the children
who look like me
why none of the superheroes
ever look like us
i know in x years i still be down
by twenty pounds
or maybe up by ten
and i still won’t have the body i want
i know in x years the contents
of my purse
won’t be enough for louis vuitton
even half off, last season’s,
unless i swipe it off the rack
i know in x years nobody will foot
the hospital bills
when i say i have depression
instead of diabetes
i know you know these too.
and i know you know they’re real,
but you don’t care,
because they’re not real for you.
my thighs did not miss you
the way thighs do
turning arctic upon the lack
if your body heat
instead they turned volcanic
magma in my veins
trying to compensate for the
warmth that’s missing
(darling, come back to bed.
put your talented mouth
where it belongs. it’s the only
thing you’re good for.)
“train up a child in the way she should go
and when she is old she will not depart from it.”
thank you for giving me the ammunition
to blow up your cause
oh father, do you know
just how poisonous you made me?
the only thing you’ve shown
is that righteous men can burn
you might as well have loaded the gun in my hand
(your teachings have neither)
you pulled back the safety
aimed it at your god’s head
your rosary isn’t bulletproof
your crucifix can’t ward me away
your bible is flammable
and so is the wood you built your church with.
pack up your stolen tithes and run. look back and see
me, all grown-up now,
with absolutely no reason to be kind to you.
the first time we met,
we were two grains of salt
swallowed by a newly-made sea.
we were inseparable
until we weren’t.
it took one moment, and you
were lost to me.
i was left to choke and fry
out in the sun;
i was used to season an ear of corn
i imagined you drifting, alone.
maybe you’ve found a new hand to hold,
maybe a girl is wringing you out of her hair
and dropping you back in the water.
i hope we’re reborn with better luck
in the next one,
with no use to anyone or anything
but each other.
not as pearls, or trees, or horses,
we could be worms, huddled under the
earth, with four spare hearts each,
in case to we need one behind.
sometimes there is no moral dilemma.
sometimes the choice seems more like
pitting a banquet against
a single loaf of bread.
sometimes we make friends
out of shadows
and cry when they’re chased away.
maybe i never asked for a candle
in my room.
maybe i romanced the abyss
before it ever even saw me.
maybe i’ve always been blinded
by the light
and i pined for a reprieve.
contrary to popular belief,
god does make ugly people.
take away the notion of an impartial creator;
he did not even make all animals equal.
the holy ghost could fall into a vat of squid ink
and people would shoot it out of the sky,
fearing bad news (congrats,
i guess, if you’re a lamb or a dove).
i find you special
like a pearl
i’d like to take you
between my teeth
to see if you’re real.
you lit my veins on fire
like a mercy killing;
i lost my head to you
like a guillotine.
And then God said,
“Look at me knocking stuff over,
just because I can.”
Genesis 19: 24-25
i stuck out my tongue
and tasted bitterness on your skin,
the kind that isn’t because of
where you work or what you bathe in.
your insidious insides are leaking out
so clean it up; it’s festering.
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