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kapag dumating ang panahon na kailangan kitang iwanan,
huwag mo akong kalimutan.
bibitbitin kita sa banyagang bansa, ipagmamalaki kita,
hinding hindi ka dapat magalala.
hahanapin kita sa bawat sulok, bawat kanto.
lungsod ko, wala nang tatalo sayo.

she stirs them up for battle
but she never stays for the fighting
(she’s seen it all before)
not while there are men in the world
with empty hearts and idle fists

the sunflower did not know of
anything but the sun
it spent all its time looking up
at greatness
satisfied, if not happy.

it could not see its leaves withering,
the aphids gnawing
at its underbellies; it could not hear
the footsteps of its gardener
brandishing shears.

it could not feel its brethren getting cut
at the ankles,
betrayed and bouqueted.

it never found out that the sun
was no savior,
that bright things were full of cowardice,
having never been in the dark.
it did not know it had been left
for dead.

i did not want to know.
i did not want to know.

i only denied him
because i was drunk.

coincidentally,
i am also the reason that

drunk countertop dancing,
drunk driving,
and drunk murdering

are no longer admissible crimes.
the guy can hold a grudge.

sorry about that.

what the hell do i know
about reality?

i know in x years
i’ll fall in love with a girl
and we’ll marry somewhere far
and legal
and i won’t have any family
on my side of the aisle

i know in x years
i’ll have to explain to the children
who look like me
why none of the superheroes
ever look like us

i know in x years i still be down
by twenty pounds
or maybe up by ten
and i still won’t have the body i want

i know in x years the contents
of my purse
won’t be enough for louis vuitton
even half off, last season’s,
unless i swipe it off the rack

i know in x years nobody will foot
the hospital bills
when i say i have depression
instead of diabetes

i know you know these too.
and i know you know they’re real,
but you don’t care,
because they’re not real for you.

“train up a child in the way she should go
and when she is old she will not depart from it.”
proverbs 22:6

thank you for giving me the ammunition
to blow up your cause

oh father, do you know
just how poisonous you made me?

the only thing you’ve shown
is that righteous men can burn

you might as well have loaded the gun in my hand
with reason
with kindness

(your teachings have neither)

you pulled back the safety
aimed it at your god’s head

your rosary isn’t bulletproof
your crucifix can’t ward me away

your bible is flammable
and so is the wood you built your church with.

pack up your stolen tithes and run. look back and see
me, all grown-up now,
with absolutely no reason to be kind to you.

sometimes there is no moral dilemma.
sometimes the choice seems more like
pitting a banquet against
a single loaf of bread.

sometimes we make friends
out of shadows

and cry when they’re chased away.

maybe i never asked for a candle
in my room.

maybe i romanced the abyss
before it ever even saw me.

maybe i’ve always been blinded
by the light
and i pined for a reprieve.

i find you special
like a pearl
i’d like to take you
between my teeth
and grind
to see if you’re real.

And then God said,

“Look at me knocking stuff over,
just because I can.”

Genesis 19: 24-25