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His fur-coat carried with it the clout he had gathered over the years, along with a sizable wallet, numerous business cards, and the knife he used to slit her throat early that morning.

The boys had signed a verbal contract with the woman who would all too quickly become their new devil. A writing workshop sounded like so much fun over drinks and mixed with idle musing about movies, but in practice it reminded them that their best friend was a didactic dictator hell bent on flexing her English-major-muscles with ever sucker punch to their latest pieces.

Some said studying was a process best done beginning to end, while others practiced the religion of relegating the task to the last minute. Todd, however, took the taboo route of avoiding the effort all together and only showing up for tests. Ironically, it wasn’t until he received the test back that Todd discovered the definition of ‘taboo’ when he missed the question on the final. Taboo, adj. proscribed by society as improper or unacceptable; Taboo, n. prohibited or excluded from use or practice.

Her credibility was damaged by her inability to focus. Drifting thoughts dragged words well away from the points she endeavored to make and each verbal pause pushed her frustration closer to the cliffs of cursing, which could not be climbed again once one fell from them.

Dead crows lined the wall and blackened the pathway towards it. There were dozens of them inking the snow, and dozens more decorating the stone. What could have killed them and more importantly what happened to their eyes?

She hid there often, too afraid to go home. Too afraid to face the truth of the emptiness she’d left behind. She’d write; sometimes enough to almost fill the novel floating around in her head and sometimes words, just an endless list of words with little meaning yet so much hidden behind each syllable . She had places to go but there was so much safety in the silence of the coffeehouse. She was could be anybody there and nobody at the same time. Nobody cared who she was as long as she paid for her cup of coffee.

She couldn’t get deep enough under the covers, her pillow over her head. She tried to block out the light in hopes to block out the voices, repeating over and over again, telling her she wasn’t good enough, that she’d never be good enough. They were violently terrifying tonight and nothing she did could make them stop. Pillow after pillow, blanket after blanket, and she was still plagued by their vicious words. Words echoing the same things her partner had said only hours before. Had it only been hours? Had she really only been left alone for such a short time to fall so far? Alone again but never truly alone. Broken, bruised, damaged, but still unfortunately alive.

Her mind was mumbling through the haze of consciousness that corrupted sleeping thoughts. The buzz was coming from nearby, but not quite so close as the throbbing. Was it construction? No, it was nearer still. It was then that she realized she had been awoken by the strained stuttering of her own pulse, pushing up against her pillow.

I’m just not a part of your branch anymore, I’m a leaf just barely grasping on, soon you’ll shake me off and I’ll fall, and never be with you all together anymore

It’s sad that I have to tiptoe around you all, when in reality my feelings so strong have truth behind them all. I’m lonely and lost and fluttering away

i just want to disappear again

Her welfare was always on my mind and I couldn’t help but feel as if her lying in that bed, a metal machine breathing life in and out of her lungs, as if it was all my fault. I wasn’t able to protect her, I wasn’t able to keep her safe from the world. And now here she was, dying. I felt as if my whole world was on its axis, falling, falling, falling into nothing. Her welfare was my responsibility and I failed. I. Failed.