You wanted to get me into cookies again.
Do you remember when we were children, and the only thing you ever wanted from my house was the box of vanilla wafers? I remember watching you fight the dog for the crumbs on the floor. Remember seeing my mother walk in on us, me in the chair, peering down at you as you licked your fingers and dabbed up the little crumbles.
I remember she wasn’t happy with me for egging you on, and I remember you wanted to start up the whole cookies thing again this summer –
But I didn’t tell you I’m moving on.
I’m an ice cream sandwich kind of gal now.
Filtering through the papers and various household items of the relationship she formerly referred to as her marriage, she threw one item, one paper, after another in the garbage. Toss…throw…take another sip from her bottle of Raspberry Smirnoff…the tears rolling down her face…then, she lost it. Scattering the papers on the floor, she screamed at the ceiling, angry…upset…hurt…the tears poured down her face as she sank into the floor, shaking with sobs—a puddle of a woman in shambles. After what seemed like hours, she picked her limp, shattered body up off the floor. It was time to simplify. It was time to start over.
I had a vague idea when I started today that I was going to be accruing stories to be telling the rest of the world for years. That I was going to become the cave painter, and leave my ideas behind the same way Hansel and Gretel left behind their breadcrumbs, for someone else to follow, for someone else to be curious about. Or maybe just for some bird to come by and eat, and then go home with a sever stomach ache wondering why pumpernickel always seems to do that to you…
This isn’t about abandonment or leaving me behind.
This is not about the five stars peeled down to three.
This isn’t even about the way you don’t look at me in the mornings anymore.
It’s about the moments when you look through me because I’ve gone so easy in your eyes, so soft, so preciously invisible that you can’t possibly find me to pin the blue ribbon to my chest; the I choose you gets frozen in your throat because you can’t see me, can’t rate me your best, and then I’m gone, like the rest of your breath, expelled from a chest with no heart left over for me.
i want to dissolve
dissolve into my sea of tears
dissolve into my everlasting fears
i want to fade from existence
i want to be able to say goodbye
but i want to leave
i want to dissolve
into a sea of tears
into a sea of me
broke up with cody like over 2 weeks ago, my heart really hurts :(
i’m going down to the metro today, to see what there is to see. i’ll be joining colleges and friends. I’ll be presenting, so please stick around, and I’ll be dancing and following a tour, the last one trailing behind. Yes! that’s where you’ll see me, wandering in the pack, and singled out on stage. come see.
i guess i see it now. i see how i wanted to change you with love. but i forgot about my own welfare. i forgot to care for me.
this isn’t what i wanted to feel like
this isnt what i had in mind when i said yes
i wanted to have safety and caring
not this control
this exertion over me
this bit of me ripped out and kept caged
even though you say its for my own good
my own safety
even though you swear youre not trying to hurt me
that this is just another aspect of love
im beginning to squish into odd shapes
and im falling apart
and maybe this is the failing
the failure for faith in others
youre a melody i didnt want to have to sing twice
but i guess i can for the sake of the carbs
because i remember how well i liked you
before we were separated
this whole distance thing
just aint working out
so dear donut without the sugar
dear happiness sans cream cheese
dear little round shigamajig that used to make my days so pleasing
we’re breaking up
im going gluten free
Pay attention to whom you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise. The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours.
Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life.
I always say, never sleep with someone you wouldn’t want to be.
~Lisa Chase Patterson
“The world is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper”
”If you want to become whole, let yourself be partial.
If you want to become straight, let yourself be crooked.
If you want to become full, let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn, let yourself die.
If you want to be given everything, give everything up.
The Master, by residing in the Tao, sets an example for all beings.
Because he doesn’t display himself, people can see his light.
Because he has nothing to prove, people can trust his words.
Because he doesn’t know who he is, people recognize themselves in him.
Because he has no goal in mind, everything he does succeeds. When the ancient Masters said, “If you want to be given everything, give everything up,”
they weren’t using empty phrases.
Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.”
— Lao Tzu
“In the end, only three things matter:
how much you loved, how gently you lived,
and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
— Buddhist saying
The lust kicks in and I don’t know where to go. I’m stuck in this hole I’ve been digging, this lustful grave of wants and desires and it feels good when the hole’s being filled, but when it’s empty.. only full of needs, I struggle to crawl out, pull myself up and out from the misery so I can run away and find a new place to mettle with. It’s another vicious cycle and I think it’s turning you on…
I keep thinking that Kiera might not appreciate chocolate – because that was my first thought, that we’d get a bunch of Godiva and then sit together and chillax as we munched pizza and such. But there’s this whole gluten free thing, and apparently chocolate has wheat in it. So she’d get sick. And so instead I went to the second K in my life, (because you can always have too much chocolate and I’m approaching my limit) and used it as a bribe for Kiersten to keep her from being mad at me for too long.
- Load More