Is this the end
Of late nights together
Of silly faces and held hands
Of noses buried in shoulders
Of zombie flicks and first kisses
Of hair petting and hand rubbing
Of thumb stroking and footsie playing
And of me
And of us
You are the roof over my head
My shelter from my storm.
Beneath you, I find
The place of love and comfort.
I gaze up toward your expanses in the
Thought-filled moments before sleep takes over
For keeping me safe.
From the depths of the black ocean
You propel me
An accendio that brings me to burst
Into the air
Air crushing through the emptiness of my lungs.
I don’t know which makes me feel
The sudden oxygen or
We are paint and brush
Tree and leaf (or pines?)
Cut and blood
Heart and love
The both of us reaching for each other.
When you reach your arms around me
To whisper in my ear
I will not object.
When you pick up my arm
And weave your fingers through mine
I will not object.
When you look at me from across the room
Unapologetic and adoring
I will not object.
Your attention is what I live for.
The wind blows,
My hands left empty,
Cold in the chilly breeze.
I watch as you walk away and I wish
That you would return
So that I could accept your offer.
Walking through the Square after the worst concert either of us had ever been to, I realized the importance of a companion who could turn something dreadful into one of the most enjoyable nights of your life.
Look how late it is
With our sun high in the sky
Small circles beneath our feet.
We laugh at the night
For thinking that it could darken
The light that we share.
If my life were a hall
Dark and creepy
Long and thin
Filled with the possibility of
Monsters and ghosts
With creaky doors opening to
Different eras of
Would be the light
At the end
That I fumble toward.
I have received
That I do not deserve.
These coals in my chest
The bitterness of self
But I scorn them
And wish that they would burn
I do not
How much time spent together
It will take
To satisfy me.
All I want to know is that
Care as much about
Care about you.
Would hold me over.
Of your name and it’s like
I am floating
All over again
Swimming in the sky with the candy floss clouds
Your hands around my wrists
As we spin
In a Ring-Around-the-Rosie
You make me want to sing.
I’m in love with a boy who has hair like sunshine and eyes like Nutella hot chocolate and hands soft as snake stomachs. His gaze can make me melt, because he looks at me like he adores me. And that makes me want to spend time with him, because he’s beautiful. He thinks in historical references and video games. He calls me ”my lady” and smiles whenever he sees me. He lets me hold his hand and lay my head on his shoulder when Neil dies in Dead Poets Society. I think I’m in love with him. And I wish he would kiss me.
At the same time, though, I want to rip my arms to shreds and drive into oncoming traffic. Which is a very bad thing.
I smile from across the room
Or an understanding twinkle of the eye.
Of sharing hearts
As the curtains open the
of the audience
falling to the ground from
and the sun
on the moon
Inspired by David Levithan’s novel, “The Lover’s Dictionary” (and his Twitter, @loversdiction)
cut, n./v.: A thoughtless comment, a moment of exquisite anger, a lone staple tearing across a fresh canvas. The beginning of an onslaught.
pinprick, n.: The safety pin does not hold my clothes together. Rather, it is there as a sharp reminder to keep the two sides of my life from ripping wide open.
lie, n./v.: I did not realize that saving your feelings would destroy my own.
confide, v.: Contrary to popular belief, sharing baggage does not lighten the load.
companionship, n.: I seek the friendships of those like me: the faceless and the fearful.
betrayal, v.: I always cared much more about you than you did about about me. Even then, I did not expect you to be so cruelly inconsiderate.
no, exc.: From an accusation to a confession, all I can muster is one syllable as I race to the toilet, sickened by myself.
fall, v.: Suddenly everything is torn away from you until there is only one light in the dark that you can still see, a glint of silver and red.
nightmare, n.: At some point I began wishing that the horror would translate from reality to dreams. Instead, it invaded both.
secret, n.: Hidden like a cavity in my chest, a gaping hole rotting from the inside out.
silence, n.: Days spent alone in bedrooms condone withdrawal.
privacy, n.: On some deeper level, I wished you would invade.
infection, n.: Sitting in the theatre, I can feel my flesh on fire. Terror takes over, but when the alarm passes, it is followed by a strange fascination to re-experience the rush of dreadful possibility.
apathy, n.: Like living in a cloud of anesthetics, I am beginning to lose a sense of how to feel.
abuse, n.: Sometimes I would wish for you to hit me so I wouldn’t have to do it myself.
mess, n.: The worst part is having to clean up.
burn, n.: An hour spent crying, screaming, terrified of what this new thing is. Only a split second of blinding electricity through my skin. No mark is left. Inefficient.
tissue, n.: Just as an artist is impartial to their work, I harbour a special fondness for the marks I leave on my body. I want each one to be a grisly, gaping masterpiece, large and dark and deep.
experiment, n./v.: Nothing works quite as well as the traditional way.
rash, n.: When making your own bandages, remember that duct tape should not be worn for too long.
ignore, v.: Sometimes I wonder why you never asked about the sounds of tape being torn and hearts being emptied just one room over.
heartbreak, n.: I have to remember that people are not characters, and that I cannot set such high expectations. In the end, I will always be disappointed.
monster, n.: They have moved from under the bed to the recesses of my skull. Sometimes they come out to play, but they are rowdy, and their claws leave marks.
addiction, n.: When it is no longer a way out, but a way to prevent, or even a way to entertain.
teacher, n.: Unknowingly, a seed has been planted.
dysphoria, n.: I am afraid to change because this is all I know.
act, v.: I have been practicing quietly for a long time. Now the audience is paying to be lied to.
empathy, n.: I can no longer tell if I care about those closest to me. I am so far gone that I can’t even see where I started.
seminar, n.: Somewhere along the line, I came to realize that I could not help others if I could not help myself.
confession, n.: It takes nearly half an hour to finally find words in the veil of tears. It may be a rough one, but it is a start nonetheless.
lift, v.: Only through crying and hugs did I realize how I impacted others. An unexpected surprise.
release, n.: I have always been thin, but only now do I feel light.
inquisitive, adj.: The questioning looks are not as subtle as you might think. Do not be afraid to ask. I have been silent for far too long.
step, n./v.: Like a child, I am discovering how to move myself forward for the first time.
uncertainty, n.:…[Read more]
It’s amazing how many things can change
In one week.
Just a few simple words
An admission of weakness
And suddenly I am surrounded by the love that I’ve ached for
Since that very first fight
Since the […]
The dusk of everything that we ever could have hoped for.
Your hopes and dreams
Everything you ever pursued
Fading away with the sunset.
Any sanity I had left
Beckoning for the dark
To show some release.
We are a mess
You and I.
The torn flesh reminders
That this just isn’t fair.
- Load More