s you carefully try to uncover the secrets of those who possess meaning to you, you never really seem to grasp the truth. This is because one's true self will forever be imprisoned behind the false sense of security that is the human body. We are nothing but skin and bones. Capable of love, yes, but also capable of pain. Pain…a word that is but a fleeting memory. The meaning of this word is solely too foul to utter. My heart has encased this feeling far too long. It has become a part of me. Without pain, there can be no happiness. Happiness…..a word so uplifting, it can make your heart skip a beat. I have never really felt true happiness until a young man known by the name of Chase entered my life. Though I soon learned the happiness he brought and love he gave were false. I have a new being in my life. Joey, to be exact. This is just the beginning of our story. I hope to see much happiness in the future. Now we move on to the four letter word that is so delicate it can make your heart skip a beat, but is so murderous it can inflict the deepest wounds, and leave the most hideous scars. Love. Oh, I have used this word far too many times for all the wrong reasons. It is a word I adore, yet fear at the same time. I will never really come to terms with it. As you read this, there is probably a single word passing through your train of thought; freak. Well my dear, I am indeed a freak. Though not for the reasons you are claiming. Only because I reflect nothing of my true self. The sick and gruesome things that hide behind my eyes are for only myself to eternally know. I am not your average human being; there are things about me that shall never be spoken of. Things that are just too sickening for others to know. Which is why I am so deeply hated. This hatred bothers me not in the least bit; I have actually become quite fond of it. Everyone in this universe has flaws. Embrace them. Love them. Those who hate have nothing but insecurities. I am a girl of independence. I was long ago a Christian. I then developed my own thoughts and became a Satanist. But I now am of no religion, nor do I ever intend to be. There's no point in following anyone but yourself. If this repulses you, I'll do the honor of shoving it up your pathetic ass. Though I do have strong belief in myself. You cannot get anywhere in life if you don't have the strength and belief in yourself that you can fight on your own until your very last breath, until the very last word that escapes your lips. I suppose you can say I am the ultimate contradiction. Despising fornication, yet listening to the most explicit and erotic lyrics ever bestowed upon this earth. Though I'm not surprised to have found myself succumbing to penetration for the sake of my fiance's happiness. I'm nothing but a paradox. I can easily be your best friend, your greatest ally, if I truly love you. Though that is hard for me to do. I do not put faith in many. I guess this is the point where I can depart. But before I go, let me leave you with this little piece of advice; life is about falling, living is about getting back up.