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the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know what it means. I can even tell you what I am about to see. Psychic isn’t alwys pleasant. but seldom wrong. sometimes my interpretations are slightly off. but not wrong.

Dear you,

All the ranting is just adjusting to your indifference.
All the anger, the hurt is how calus you appear, no apology. I hang on to that, even though I know it is then not now, and i should let it go.

I realize I kept waiting, that you would in time realize what a dolt you really were, and how indifferent you were, and how ignorant, (not stupid) of what a man needs to be with a woman worth being with.

But, you didn’t .. and you don’t.

And all your ”I love you”s now clearly shallow.

The fool is me, not you.

While I went of to grow, to learn, got professional support to gain understanding, you remained hanging out with your same old ”girl friends” talk trash about .. who ever now.

I need to let go of wishig you cared enough to talk to someone of worth. I need to let go of wishing you wewre actually able to tell the truth, but I don’t even think you know what the truth is.
YOu don’t know that grown men don’t do the things you do, did. that FB trashing thier girlfriend is for pre-teens, not adult men. At 58/59 it’s about talking to her, working it out, having a conversation, building intimacy. but you don’t know what that is either.
the worst of it all is, however, that you never even tired to find out or learn these things.
It is just easier to talk trash than get real.

From Me. No love no more.

I don’t believe in chiseling a relationship. I don’t believe making a round peg fit a square hole works, not for me. I don’t want to reform someone, I dont want to conform. transform, model, re-build, revivie, reframe, revise.
My last ’’’boyfriend” couldn’t be up front and tell me how he felt, but he would post on his Facebook page how he was ”treated like a doormat, how he didnt want to be made over”. He didnt have the balls/vagina to talk ot me face to face, no, it was facebook to the world, or at least to his ”friends”.
He considered himself a doormat because my request that he take care of me when I asked him to, and when my well being was in his hands temporarily, he do so. (This particular issues was about being on a boat, he was controling, being in the sun on a dead wind day, and my getting sunstroke. I am so demanding!)
I asked 3 times to get me out of the sun, please. I did not yell, I did not pout, I did not argue. But Honey, I did make it clear later, I was not impressed with that shit.
I don’t want to raise another man on how to treat a woman. If you haven’t figured it out by not, get a dog. Preferabley a ceraminc one you can’t hurt.
I don’t want to raise another man about the basics of manners and ettiquet.
I don’rt want to mold and scold. I don’t want to whine and dine. I don’t want to yell, and scream and have make-up sex after. (even though that can be good!)
What I would like is a man to listen, who knows how to listen without planning his defense (not needed) or rebuttle while I am trying to reach for some kind of intimacy, and speak up! Grab those balls, or maybe you need to let them go because the distraction, and share what is rambling around in your brain! How do you ”feel”? Do you have a grasp of your emotional experiences and a vocabulary to go with it?

I don’t want to be your groupie, your roadie, or your Old lady.

what I would like is someone to flow, to bend, to open and willing and present. Someone that has left the ”highschool” mentality back in the 70’s where it belongs! (you’re 58 for fuck sakes!)
I don’t want to change, rearrange, display, dissect and rebuild you!
I want you participate ina grown up conversation, an adult relationship, make your own choices, show some respect and consideration for all the world around you, including me.
I won’t hang around and wait ”forever”, I don’t have that kind of time.
YOU either are or willing to particiapte, and when not knowing how, open to find out explore and discover for and in yourself, who you are in relationship to me. And how would you like that to be. And if we are willing, how do we get there.

Growing up woman. Awesome.

I want a grown up man.
I don’t want to create man out of my rib.