By the way I stand tall. By the way I smile. It’s by the way I move through my life and respond to those I encounter along the way. I am measured by my grace or lack of grace. I am seen through eyes of grace or anger. Most important, is the peace and connection I feel to the great “All That Is” of the divine Universe.
I wish they would. Sit over there. I know that I know what to do when I am in public. I know that there are right things to do, and wrong things to do. Clearly they don’t live in a real world. they’re delusional hippies from the 60′s They should keep to themselves. Geez Mom. Quit necking with Dad in public. You’re 84!
I have lost it. I feel numb and shallow. Spark or no spark, I remain in a dark limbo. Lifeless living. Clouds hang over the valley and they comfort me. I have lost interest in most things. I am no where while I am here.
it’s all I could do to sustain the smile on my face. After the yelling, the nagging, the pushing of intentions that road over my mind, my soul, my existence. I wanted to stop the sound of his voice, but kept smiling.
Driving on a spring day. Window open with BB King’s throaty voice playing on the radio. Sunglasses shading my eyes. I left my earrings on the night stand. I left my coat outside in the rain. But I hadn’t […]
My desk. Where I work. No, where I procrastinate. No, where I edit. Wait. Yes, edit. Writing, life, relationships. Where’s my eraser? Or spell check! If I could only transform the feeling, the experiences of my […]
Love me love me love me. It is time to nourish my soul, my heart, myself. I can only love you when I love myself fully. Let me learn to be kind, to be gentle to be honorable to be loyal. And I will start with […]
“Twice bitten..”. What is that old saying? I can’t remember. But I am feeling really aware of something that feels like a gift. Like I have landed somewhere I have been aiming for. Like i am arriving in my own […]
Dark. It’s just dark. Grey. Very grey. The trees turned brown. Like they are frozen or burnt in place. No bushes. No plants. What kind of town just allows just lets the spewing smoke destroy everything growing around it?
the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know what it means. I can even tell you what I am about to see. Psychic isn’t alwys pleasant. but seldom wrong. sometimes my interpretations are slightly off. but not wrong.
Life has brought to me everything I have asked for. The vehicle, the computer, the family, the love. It’s like watching a happy Hallmark movie. I am going to sit down, eat some popcorn and enjoy it. Peace out.
Sitting in the coffee shop, looking out the window. the sun was shining in all it’s beautiful spring glory. Tingles in my stomach. Ants in my pants. My foot swinging like there was music rocking loud and inspired […]
It sat in the pit of my stomach. a big boulder of tension. I was excited at my prospect of freedom! of Being able to get out into the world and feel alive again. The clue, the little nugget I waited for to have […]
Getting to the heart. I was just thinking of getting to the heart, wandering through emotions, and yes, sometimes it is just like a maze. Sitting still, getting into my body, getting out of my head. getting, […]
It is something else to feel this kind of tenderness. I watch as she rocks, bounces and climbs around on the wooden pony. She is just turning one year old. I adore her. Her intrigue with the world is contagious. […]
The moon, moving waters, moving tides, is helping clean out my psyche. thank you Beautiful Moon!
I move from thought to thought, memory to memory, relaying it all. Ti circles inmy head as if it has an orbit in my mind. Nothing seems to bounce them out. Until, a friend comes over, offers a silent moment or two […]
All the ranting is just adjusting to your indifference.
All the anger, the hurt is how calus you appear, no apology. I hang on to that, even though I know it is then not now, and i should let it go.
I realize I kept waiting, that you would in time realize what a dolt you really were, and how indifferent you were, and how ignorant, (not stupid) of what a man needs to be with a woman worth being with.
But, you didn’t .. and you don’t.
And all your ”I love you”s now clearly shallow.
The fool is me, not you.
While I went of to grow, to learn, got professional support to gain understanding, you remained hanging out with your same old ”girl friends” talk trash about .. who ever now.
I need to let go of wishig you cared enough to talk to someone of worth. I need to let go of wishing you wewre actually able to tell the truth, but I don’t even think you know what the truth is.
YOu don’t know that grown men don’t do the things you do, did. that FB trashing thier girlfriend is for pre-teens, not adult men. At 58/59 it’s about talking to her, working it out, having a conversation, building intimacy. but you don’t know what that is either.
the worst of it all is, however, that you never even tired to find out or learn these things.
It is just easier to talk trash than get real.
From Me. No love no more.
it’s the moon. It moves the tides. Deep waters, shallow waters. The movement moves the sludge; the waters become murky. Gentle sways, to tidal waves. And then, the water quiets once again. Still moving. In and out, like our breath. Life in, life out. New in. Old out. E motion moving like the tides.
I don’t believe in chiseling a relationship. I don’t believe making a round peg fit a square hole works, not for me. I don’t want to reform someone, I dont want to conform. transform, model, re-build, revivie, reframe, revise.
My last ’’’boyfriend” couldn’t be up front and tell me how he felt, but he would post on his Facebook page how he was ”treated like a doormat, how he didnt want to be made over”. He didnt have the balls/vagina to talk ot me face to face, no, it was facebook to the world, or at least to his ”friends”.
He considered himself a doormat because my request that he take care of me when I asked him to, and when my well being was in his hands temporarily, he do so. (This particular issues was about being on a boat, he was controling, being in the sun on a dead wind day, and my getting sunstroke. I am so demanding!)
I asked 3 times to get me out of the sun, please. I did not yell, I did not pout, I did not argue. But Honey, I did make it clear later, I was not impressed with that shit.
I don’t want to raise another man on how to treat a woman. If you haven’t figured it out by not, get a dog. Preferabley a ceraminc one you can’t hurt.
I don’t want to raise another man about the basics of manners and ettiquet.
I don’rt want to mold and scold. I don’t want to whine and dine. I don’t want to yell, and scream and have make-up sex after. (even though that can be good!)
What I would like is a man to listen, who knows how to listen without planning his defense (not needed) or rebuttle while I am trying to reach for some kind of intimacy, and speak up! Grab those balls, or maybe you need to let them go because the distraction, and share what is rambling around in your brain! How do you ”feel”? Do you have a grasp of your emotional experiences and a vocabulary to go with it?
I don’t want to be your groupie, your roadie, or your Old lady.
what I would like is someone to flow, to bend, to open and willing and present. Someone that has left the ”highschool” mentality back in the 70’s where it belongs! (you’re 58 for fuck sakes!)
I don’t want to change, rearrange, display, dissect and rebuild you!
I want you participate ina grown up conversation, an adult relationship, make your own choices, show some respect and consideration for all the world around you, including me.
I won’t hang around and wait ”forever”, I don’t have that kind of time.
YOU either are or willing to particiapte, and when not knowing how, open to find out explore and discover for and in yourself, who you are in relationship to me. And how would you like that to be. And if we are willing, how do we get there.
Growing up woman. Awesome.
I want a grown up man.
I don’t want to create man out of my rib.
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