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We were three girls in a dark tunnel.

One of us was leading. Taking on the brave role of torch-holder and navigator as the others followed behind. She pretended to be strong, pretended that she was confident, because in reality she was too scared to face herself.

One of us was in the middle. We put her in the middle because we said she’d never been in the tunnel before, she would be too scared at the front or back. She was almost offended by this. She wanted us to believe that she wasn’t a wuss. But because we’d assigned this character to her, she played the fool and whimpered when the tunnel got darker.

The one at the end was happy, but she wanted to be up the front. She wanted to be the torch-holder. She couldn’t understand why the girl up the front got to be up the front. She often wondered why the girl up the front so arrogant and confident all the time, while the girl in the middle was such a pushover. It drove her completely crazy.

The three of us huddled together, forcing laughs, pretending to be brave or scared.

Dear You,
I see you, and I feel happy.
You smile at me, and I’m at home.
Love, Me

Dear you,
No one has ever made me feel the way you do and I don’t mean that in the sappy, corny form of the expression…I mean you sincerely are the one person I have ever been this confused about. I really should hate you, or at least not want to see you ever again, but I find myself hopelessly attracted to you…and why? You really aren’t anything special. You’re incredibly awkward around girls, you are tall and lanky, and you don’t know what you want…yet when I saw you the other day I got all seventh grade tounge-tied, butterflies beating in my stomach so hard I could barely breathe. And then you hugged me and you held me so tightly and so long that when I pulled away it was only because I was afraid if I stayed in that moment any longer I’d never want to leave. Any longer and all my intentions, my distrust, nullified by the incredible strength of your need for me in that moment. I know now that I will probably never get that moment, that feeling from you ever again. You don’t need me anymore and I am trying so hard to not need you either…
Hopelessly (in) love,
me

Dear you,

I’m glad we are as close as we are.

I love the way the corners of your mouth rise when you look at me. Not a conscious smile, but, an inevitable one.

I love that we can talk about everything and anything. You are a good listener and an interesting speaker. Your point of view is so refreshingly different from mine.

Time spent with you is a breath of fresh air.

But, dear, dear you. Although you seem presently unable to admit it, our journey is about to change.

I’m sure you felt it was kind, saying you love me like a brother. But, my feelings toward you do not reflect those of a sibling.

We are in interesting territory now.

Our relationship has crossed over the border of ’friendship’, and yet, you seem unwilling to enter the territory of ’couple’. I simply can not remain in No Man’s Land at length.

I say we continue onward and march bravely into new territory.

Yet you hesitate, allowing uncertainty and fear to hold you back. You have been, as yet, unable to acknowledge that we are at a crossroads at all. You are happy with the way things are and are afraid of change. I am also happy, although your uncertainty saddens.

What I want is you. I want you all to myself. It’s probably selfish, but, it’s already unfair.

I am already yours.

There are two things I do not want. I do not want to lose you, but, worse still, I do not want to coerce you. I don’t want to carry on without you and I do not want to carry you.

If you want me, choose me.

I will take the next step alone. I will be waiting one step into the new territory. I will beckon. I will wait patiently and woo you into my arms once more.

I will not force you to join me. I will not beg. I will simply do my utmost to win you over.

I will not force this issue ever again. If you retreat away from me, I’ll acquiesce and do the same. If you advance, I’ll advance with you.

The choice is yours.

Love,
Me.

What if I turned around and told you the truth? What if the next time your face was three inches from mine, I tilted my head, closed my eyes, and kissed you?
What if I wasn’t kidding about staying up all night watching movies together?
What if my jokes aren’t jokes?
What if I really truly want to be with you?
What if you weren’t going away to college next year?
Would that change anything?
Would it?