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I am sitting in the hawker stall located on the corner of two bustling streets. In front, two of the busiest intersections in Penang meet: cars whizz by, racing and whirring and roaring as they tear by each other at breakneck speed. Motorcycles weave in and out of the race, adding an element of surprise and alarm as they come dangerously close to the many cars that speed by the stalls. Yet the drivers look unperturbed, even though they are gambling on stakes as high as their life- clearly, the are used to it.

Behind me, the streets are sleepy, their occupants stumbling along as though they are trapped in the Beatnik days of the 50s. Life moves slowly here. Cars slow down in order to navigate the narrow, cramped roads that traverse the neighborhood; motorcycles must inch along in order to avoid the crossing pedestrians. Storehouses are old- the paint is peeling, the floors are cracked, and the fans whistle and whirr as they attempt to turn their blades. It is a quiet town here, a refuge from the rip roaring world that awaits drivers on the outside.

I am an American, a Malaysian, a Chinese- a medley of different cultures and identities. I know all too well what it’s like to have two different sides, two different faces. And Penang is no different- it is a blend of the fast and the slow, the old and the new, the traditional and the modern. Perhaps this is why I call it my home- and I am proud to call it my home.

Dear You,
you were one of the best things that ever happened to me. Even though we didn’t happen the way I wished we had happened, the memories have been sweeter than I could have ever expected. Does it sound stupid if I say that you were my first love? Maybe it does. At any rate.. I do love you. Even though it’s been four years since we’ve met, and I’m trying to get over you, there will always be a part of me that will never forget.

You’re probably on a plane now, going to a different country to study. You’ll study there, find a girlfriend, get a job, stay there, get married, have kids… begin a new life. And I will return to my home and do all those things. We will have two separate lives, away from each other… and really that’s okay. I just wish that those lives could be spent together; but not everyone gets what they want. It’s okay, really.

I love you. That will never change. There will always be something that reminds me of you: The band playing our favorite song, the sight of a bright white baseball cap, a low chuckle, dim sum restaurants, green tea frappes- the list could go on and on. So I guess I’ll never completely forget. I can only remember with a smile.

They say that if you love something, let it go. I’ve let you go, but I know that you are not mine to keep. Take care in your new life; maybe by some sheer coincidence we’ll meet again some day.

Love,
Me.