I thought I loved you, and everytime I saw a love scene on tv I began to cry because I realized you made me feel empty. I thought you were perfect and everyone told me you were so I thought to myself that you could do no wrong and I could never get anyone better. You’re still a good person but you treated me like some puppy dog that wouldn’t get the hint to shoo away. I felt so empty with you and I wanted it to work so bad, I tried so hard. I mentally broke up with you days before you finally did the deed. But I stayed because I was just hoping that things could get better. I liked you for so long that now I don’t know what to do. You were the first kiss I always wanted, the first boyfriend I needed but when I was going through so much pain you left me for dead. Now I have to sit at school and watch other girls flirt with you. The thing is, I am happy without you, but I’m confused on what to do next and I feel like these past weeks Ive been mentally drunk with false happiness and now I’m starting to sober up. I know you didnt mean it when you said you wanted To be friends and part of me is glad but the other side of me wishes that you really did mean it when you said you would always be there for me. I just wish I felt like you did care like everyone said you did. I feel like once you left all of my emotions left too and now I have no emotions and I can’t cry. But I can feel my anger sometimes but then it slips away because I am numb.
I don’t know if I miss you, but I just honestly don’t know where to go from here. I’m lost. I feel like I’m reliving the same day everyday now and I’m bored.
I can’t wait to meet someone new.
So I can put you to rest.
In reply to - Linda posted an update It’s been over a year since I last visited this website. It’s so strange how much my life has changed since then. I no longer love the boy, My friends have splintered off and new ones have formed and the club that started everything that led up to this moment in my life is the one thing that is keeping my head above water. Writing is my only salvation. Yet sanity is insanity when it comes to writing. Especially mine. • View
It’s been over a year since I last visited this website. It’s so strange how much my life has changed since then. I no longer love the boy, My friends have splintered off and new ones have formed and the club that started everything that led up to this moment in my life is the one thing that is keeping my head above water. Writing is my only salvation. Yet sanity is insanity when it comes to writing. Especially mine.
There are steps in life we as human beings must pitifully endure
step 1: childhood
Where you are unconcious how bitter the world is
Step 2: That awkward phase
Where you’re not a child nor a teenager, and life becomes difficult
Step 3: Heartbreak
Where you think you’re in love, then you realize love is crap
Step 4: Being left to go out on our own
Where you finally see the world in your perspective
It’s terrifying how life throws these steps at you, but as humans we must all endure them to better ourselves.
In reply to - Solanaceae posted an update: Oh how this song reminds me of you played sweetly on my white wood violin the long beautiful notes inducing tears pain blurs my visions and I tear at the strings tormenting them with my bow in sharp agonized notes that spell out my sorrow and numb my ears so I can no longer hear that voice that once whispered, in what is now only my dreams, very sweetly I love you All through the night I play my heart for you, not resting, until I find the perfect notes to the perfect song that will lure you back, you wake from your dreams and walk entranced, not daring to pause until I find the notes to comfort my pain, it caresses your face begging you near, not stopping until I collapse and fall all the way my bow slips from my hand and then my voilin, I cannot stand, your in my door way I catch your shadow as my eyes shut, I’ve fallen asleep, something sharp where I land my music has finally eased the pain in my heart • View
You let me down,
As cliche as this may sound,
I thought you were different,
but you are just like everyone else.
You only wanted one thing,
And you will never be the one I’ll give that thing to, because it is a special, fragile, piece that I’m not ready to give away, especially to scum like you.
I don’t know how I’m going to face you this Tuesday,
but I know I’m strong,
I know I’ll manage,
you’ll just be your same pathetic self,
incapable of thinking of anyone else,
I wish you best,
but screwed everything over.
Lol thanks! And its like one of my favorite movies! ahahaIn reply to - Linda posted an update in the group What's on your mind?: I’m wondering why this is all happening? Is it some test to see how weak I am? You remind me so much like the boy i once knew, the one that made me cry to sleep, the one that you hated, you’re polar opposite. yet, you two are so… alike. I am sorry dear friend but I cannot stand this any longer, you’re killing me with your selfishness and I swore that I would never be in captured in such a suffocating friendship ever again. This needs to end, it was never meant to be. • View
I want our hearts to beat together,
I want us to never seperate,
I want you.
I desire you.
You give me those cliche heartbeats that everyone dreams of having,
Why are you so untouchable?
I’m wondering why this is all happening?
Is it some test to see how weak I am?
You remind me so much like the boy i once knew,
the one that made me cry to sleep,
the one that you hated, you’re polar opposite.
yet, you two are so… alike.
I am sorry dear friend but I cannot stand this any longer, you’re killing me with your selfishness and I swore that I would never be in captured in such a suffocating friendship ever again. This needs to end, it was never meant to be.
This is the beginning of the end,
the beginning of love,
This is the beginning of our lives.
It’s either I’m not trying hard enough, or it’s not meant to be..
I’m beginning to side with the latter.. Oh you.. I want you, I crave you, I need you, I am completely and utterly infatuated with you. I desire you my darling and I don’t know what to do! This isn’t love, I’m not sure if this is lust, more like obsession. But my dearest can you please make it clear on whether or not I should just give up or keep treading on??
Yes, I am a trooper but every solider gets weak after fighting to much and I no longer have enough fire in my heart and soul to keep going. My darling, My sweetheart, my dearest, I want you more than anything on this entire planet. But If it’s not meant to be.. then why should I keep on going? But every time I feel like giving up, I feel this stabbing pain in my chest.
This is something that a very little amount of people know. The day I got my first kiss I was waiting for my mom to pick me up and I saw you walking by, I don’t know if you were looking at me but you were staring in my direction. I completely forgot about my first kiss, about my boyfriend at the time, about the place I was in. All I thought about in that ten seconds that I saw you was how much I wish I could be with you, hugging you, holding your hand.
Oh you.. Make this easier… Give me a sign..
The tires squeaked on the pavement. “oh god,” I thought to myself, “They’re here to take me away!” I run into my closet and hold the door shut, hand remaining on the door knob. I waited in absolute silence, holding my breath, heart pounding louder than drums. It felt like hours, it felt like years. [...]
The silence was so still, yet loud.
Whispering it’s dreaded words of guilt into my ears.
“stop it!” I cried
but no one answered, no one replied
and I lay on the cold wet ground hoping me for an absolution
that shall never appear.
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