auburn hair. red balloons. scarlet. scarlet eyes and hearts and souls. scarlet passions that burn in the night and ache in the pit of the stomach. fast pumping blood coursing through veins of desire – racing, searching, longing, clutching, feeding, inspiring, then fading into the blackness of sleep, of rest, of peace, of death. the red of a cool star in the vastness of infinity. dust that makes the dirt, that makes the mud, that makes the clay, that built ancient homes, temples, gathering places. flowers under foot to make the day more sweet, to make the harshness of life a little more meaningful, to share encouragement to loved ones, to keep the world kind. like the egg that blooms inside the womb. the seed that will become a baby and soon a child. a child with auburn hair. she will have red balloons on her birthday and her eyes will flash scarlet when she cries or laughs or sings. and youll swear you can hear that sound, in the deep, darkness of night. in the afterglow of love and you know that theres something happening. after the supernova, in the coolness proceeding, you know that something is growing, shaping, evolving in its place. and it all goes ever on. as microbes multiply and humans change and the suns burn up and more planets and solar systems form and the universe expands, we all dance, and spin, and shake, and groan, and sigh, and it all goes on and on.
true. it would have its pros and cons like anything, i suppose.
write about anything related to fear. write about fear generally, personally, what youve observed in others. whatever.
forward we walk, stumbling into blindness.
marching, determined, ever on.
and we fall and we bruise and we question all that stands in our way
as the chill on our skin and the tightness in our chest, the labor […]
i love fall.
i suppose i relate to it.
the dynamism. the colors.
there is a certain nostalgia to it. something which i feel is currently very much a part of who i am.
there is a self contained warmth to it, of which i find within myself.
though, it may also be cold. lonely.
of these things is a reminiscence found in the swaying, cooing trees. of memories, what is gone, and ponderings of what is left after.
and underneath the musing atmosphere i an uncertainty. the unpredictability and possibility of what tomorrow brings.
it is a time of morphing and shaping. it is a time of change. it is a time of inevitability. the security and uncomfortability of time pushing foreword – ever and ever on.
it is nurture.
people would not seem to be standing so closely next to one another when they are so far apart. nor would they appear so differently from the eyes of themselves to others’.
life would be like the books i read. dream would be reality. everything would be full and surprisingly perfect and beautiful. even in its ugliness. like a ballet or opera. like a symphony. there would be courage, loyalty, strength, love, conviction, faith, acceptance, understanding. and grace binding it all together.
no, none of this would be my imagination.
if you really knew me?
have you seen these?!
if you really knew me
youd know i was there.
i had the scars. the diagnosis’. the absent and worthless parents. faced death. ”wanted it myself.” hated myself. the world. maybe even life.
no one ever looked. or listened. or asked.
and i was crying out.
what i saw around me everyday at school, what i heard constantly from the mouths of countless others in the halls or in my headphones, what i read on the internet or from the pages of our tortured teenage souls – all reinforced what i felt and thought in my head and heart.
i thought i knew everything.
the things i regretted were nothing. then, the things i regret now were works in progress. my skeletons in the closet were conceived and born then.
the mirrors shrink and purify themselves of the lipstick, paint, and pictures.
revealing the new but old familiar face. weve changed and grown and past the tumult once so obstructing the view.
we understand the children that we were. we realize the truth of life and its unrelenting, indistinguishable, unpredictability. we learn to embrace it so as to prevent its grasp from dragging us under. for the first time, we know a bit about ourselves. something that makes us comfortable. we feel balanced for a while. as if there is, in fact, something right with the world.
we remember that it isnt always easy. sometimes its horrifying, nasty, brutal, confusing, damn near impossible. millions of other things.
and we remember what it took to discover these things.
and to accept it.
and to move on.
we reflect on how silly we were. how wrong we were.
how far weve come.
how strange and beautiful this place.
to have once seemed so inhospitable, uninviting.
i want these kids to know that. i want to give them this message. in response to theirs. this is my storage place until i think over and hone the best way of doing that. a way in which theyll pay attention. think. and comprehend. my hope is to simply let them know they are not alone. they will be okay. i know that once seemed so inaccurate. it all seemed so hard. i know they will make mistakes i just dont want them to have to endure too costly ones unnecessarily. i dont want them to have to live with the negative consequences forever, hindering them from the positive.
if you really knew me, youd know they dont need all that. they need someone to be there to inform them, to encourage them, to help them become all that they can be by being what they need you to be.
thanks. its always wonderful to find someone who understands.In reply to - unbornsymphony posted an update in the group What's on your mind? i want to lay down and let it enfold me i long to feel it wrapped around my being to be inside it’s comforting soothing static ecstatic transcendent arms if there’s some sort of dream once we die i hope i find myself here nothing could be more perfect than the hold of music caressing eternity • View
what if it were detension.
then we could say “i think its time for you to detension.”
or “you are detensionate.”
or “you are in need of detensioning.”
we could detension one-another.
i think that sounds nice.
”i hate her. i hate the kind of person she is.”
me too. me too.
we all do.
you are driven.
it was one of the few positive things i ever listened to or appreciated. it has repeated so many times in my mind since. i wont forget it. thank you.
i want to lay down and let it enfold me
i long to feel it wrapped around my being
to be inside it’s
if there’s some sort of dream once we die i hope i find myself here
nothing could be more perfect than the hold of music caressing eternity
you look so very nice in pastels. it befits the vagueness of you. the hinting, teasing, wonder of you. there’s certainly so much more there, but we cannot see. perhaps, neither can you – yet. but it is sweet, […]
have you ever made the decision to hide? to give up, to run away?
its so easy when you realize how effective we are at hurting one another, especially when we are hurting ourselves.
i do wish i weren’t such a coward. so that i would know how to save the ones i love from such pain.
if only things were that easy. pass around a balanced, convincingly written piece of paper, signed by so many people. and you instantly have things your way. but so often we disregard words. or even ideas. so […]
feel that tightness in your stomach and take a breath
feel the twisting and let it unfold, opening you
feel that heat and let it fill you
become a floating, tingling, radiating entity
occupy open space with your energy
share your light
give them what they’ve never had
educate them in your world
hiding is a life of misery
when all we long to do is break free
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