With my new employees, I thought it would be easy to delegate the overflowing work load. For my business to have grown as It has, I hired some elderly people to answer the phones thinking it would be low maintenance and a good respectful demeanor for people who called in. A little bit of old world charm if you will. I thought this was a blessing, until I had to break up a fight today in the lunchroom. Over of all things a love triangle it seems.
Old Gus! You would think he had given up the ghost. I abruptly learned today he brought his heart out of mothballs. When Mike leaned toward Maybelle and asked her to pass the honey. I guess he didn’t hear right, and got a little bent. He went to strangle old Mike. I had to hold him back and talk him down for a minute. He just turned his head and said “DAMNIT” in the end.
I am looking online after I write this for a sexual harassment manual, it will do little good I am afraid. I saw Maybelle putting lipstick on after the incident. So much for doing less.
With my new employees, I thought it would be easy to delegate the overflowing work load. For my business to have grown as It has, I hired some elderly people to answer the phones thinking it would be low maintenance and a good respectful demeanor for my businesses . A little bit of old world charm if you will. I thought this was a blessing, until I had to break up a fight today in the lunchroom. Over of all things a love triangle it seems.
Old Gus! You would think he had given up the ghost. I abruptly learned today he brought his heart out of mothballs. When Mike leaned toward Maybelle and asked her to pass the honey. I guess he didn’t hear right, and got a little bent. He went to strangle old Mike. Man old people scare me. You just don’t know what they are thinking. I had to hold him back and talk him down for a minute. He just turned his head and said “DAMNIT” in the end.
I am looking online after I write this for a sexual harassment manual. But it will do little good. I saw Maybelle putting lipstick on after the incident. So much for doing less.
Everything I eat, I would grow in healthy soils with uncontaminated seeds. raw milk from my own cows, fresh eggs from my chickens. fresh water from the mountains natural filtering system. I am self sufficient. I would have liberty to travel without being groped by the TSA. I would have government that lived in my community and our kids all played together. I would have families that wanted to be families.
Thanks for the invite!
Behind loves silk curtain I stand. Watching life and love pass by me. In slow motion lovers walk in absolute silence. The vanity of lovers, the fortunes at stake, the heartache that is suppressed to hold on to one more day.
I know of a love light so bright, and so alive the veil is lifted.
I started to look into why I was eating so much. I finally found the answer. My body was searching for nutrients through large amounts of false foods. I started buying only organic vegetables and fruit from the store. Probably like 20 things from kale to kiwi and squash to bananas. Flax seed,strawberries nutritional yeast, spiralina, blueberries, pineapple, oranges, mangos, braccali (pretty much anything I watch rot if I bought it before.) I put them all in a blender with Ice and drank it for a week. I adjusted the incraments for nutrients and flavor. But for once I see through what is in a store. It is basic what we need. Mostly just the decernment to do what is best for our bodies and minds even in the face of mass propaganda of globalization and post industrialization.
What I could not figure out was how I made it this long without you. It was like a brunch on Sunday. When I put you to my lips.
”Don’t confuse the strength of the group with the strength in your character.”
The color of my minds eye splashed on the page. Seeing the value of every curve. Every dark corner and the brilliance of the highlights. It seemed to just flow out of me for the afternoon that followed.
I stood up to stretch my eyes, and then my body. Found my way then to the kitchen where I started a kettle on high for some tea. It had become my favorite art companion this last few months.
I looked at myself in the reflection off the glass as you whisked by. Making my eyes see beyond myself. I then realized I had been inside all day. I meant to be outside for the morning air. But alas inspiration had a early hold on me after getting out of the shower. Today there was something to getting dressed and getting right to work! A certain urgency to what I woke up thinking about. I had to start sketching my mental perspective.
I knew you were heading to the meadow. Your husky dog Katen pulled you faster than you wanted to walk. I laughed to myself thinking about what you told me about him. His bazaar behavior and the time he saw your ex-boyfriend show up at your door. It’s funny how animals can sense things about people.
The tea pot slowly at first began to rumble then wound half way to annoying, before I removed it from the flame.
My favorite mug, a little tea and just having had a warm thought of life’s irony I headed back to the studio.
It pleased me to know it was there. I chose the room for the way it lit up exactly at this time of day. Its what woke me from my dreaming. It was like you could visit this house and not notice anything out of the ordinary. Just another house on a street really. But for the next hour and a half before the sun set I was to enjoy the most beautiful of light.
Before the studio was here I had my things just arbitrarily thrown around this room. Since I had moved in, it had been just a back room behind a door. Its amazing what happens when you decide one day to paint again.
I remember what had inspired me too! The time you came through that door when Katen got loose and found his way into my yard. He just had fallen asleep in the sunlight on the deck off of this studio. He made himself right at home on a beach towel that had fallen off the railing after drying.
I threw out the familiar brownish rinse off the deck. Filling it again at the spicket, I watched it spin inside as its level rose. I walked back in through the open door and sat in the light for a moment .I looked at the beauty of the morning.
Light prismed on my desk through the water in the jar. Sipping my tea with the feeling of once again being apart of the day. I felt as though you were smiling in my door way again, laughing about how you just knew he would be here sitting in the sun. And how when the old couple where still living here he would do it too. You assured me it would never happen again, stunned by your seemingly miraculous appearance.
I almost said nothing except, ”Its no problem.” With Katin then awake and on the end of a leash. He must have thought he was going for a walk. He pulled you right the fuck out of here. As you said ”I’m Mercy by the way.”
I’m going to put out a steak on the deck tomorrow. Maybe that way I will get to see more of you.
In this light.
I find nothing worth putting in my body at a corporate grocery store. Maybe a “organic” carrot.
Fashioning a night before it happens shaped me forever one day. I thought that doing the right thing always meant I was destined to make it go right for anyone but me. I knew too much. I knew I would order that drink. Leave just when I felt venerable and laugh at everyone being dishonest friends. I knew how it all would just end in ruins. I would tell you the truth even if it meant you wouldn’t ask next time. Why not I can’t stand you anyways. The way your lying eyes focused when you asked yourself ”Does He know how much I want him to believe I can get away with my shit? Everyone else, Knows, And they forgave me! They let me do this every day!”
I knew when you walked up to me what you wanted to ask me. You thought I would bite into your vapid conversation thats sole purpose was to make your day. How you wanted me to read all your body’s language. The helpless look in your eyes. But I ask you this.
Does it feel the same to have someone rescue your moments day after day?
To know what you mean, and just keep it to myself because… your you. How would your life change tomorrow if you actually tried to solve your problem of needing everybody. I see you inside and out. I see that you can do it. I believe you want to be more than this
This need…It plagues you.
The city’s lights are harsh on you tonight. Look at what is stressing your soul. Your like a politician always trying to rationalize yesterday to justify today.
You may just need some pulling weeds in your garden. That simple meditation anything can really give to you. You want the feeling of the moment you walk out into the world with the fresh mana best sex of your life without the hard work.
The honesty is what brings that. Not the honesty with me, but the personal relationship with yourself.
In every bad day I learned something about me. I also learned something about you. The difference between the good and bad days is the fact that I tried. Looking back on those particular days, never seem so bad the second time around when I told you there could be more from a we. You wanted to remind me how you didn’t even know me all that good. Who had brought me here?
That disgusted look on your face you gave to my friend when you realized I was for real. I was just there to help you?… You had to take a moment to process that information. That raised eyebrow That wrench of your drink. That sudden confidence I let you find in yourself again.
You had some left.
Now your catching on!
You produced that!
Yep, it came from you!
You turned the table on yourself and believed there was one left.
I’ve heard the chatter from your friends.
Like I don’t already know.
Its almost as If the day never ended. I’m still here, waiting for you to try again. No shame in having a bad moment in a day.
Dust yourself off!
Are you alive?…Then act like it! Look at me like that! Push me to the dance floor.
(laughing) Somehow, I never missed anything with you.
Your secrets safe with me. If you learned something out of it.
This time you would be right,
I surely wouldn’t care.
I am a runway. Flights at night land my heart. The flights in day just mean it will never work.
Just fight with me! Break down for once and cry like a adult! No more little girl tears. You know where there are nails on this road and everyday another flat. I don’t even wait around for that phone call. I just know that your going to be on the side of the road in fifteen minutes from the point you walk out. If I were to write down how I feel, you just ask me how can I always make a big deal out of everything. How could I always mistake passion for just plain feeling too much about everything. I wanted you to feel! Feel something! I can’t understand why you don’t feel responsible for anything.
The push against a wall in a rainstorm for a kiss under a eave. That one moment that rain let up so two lovers stole a moment from the world. The idea that the quality of my life is dependent on what you do today to make this the best day of your life. I don’t have the answers to your life. I don’t care about what I think about something. All I was asking for was to not feel like I had a surrogate in my arms. You just waited for me to give up and settle. To do what everyone else had done. Sell out my heart because of where everyones love around us is at. You just renting the time with me. You don’t get to just own me. You have to raise the value of us to sell everyday to me! We have never grown together to grow apart. Your dreams were always just o.k. and mine always needed grounding. Why couldn’t I just get that security for you. Why couldn’t I just drink like a gentleman. Why couldn’t I ever edit what I was really feeling when I came home at night?
I couldn’t because I loved you enough to tell you how I felt inside. I respected you enough to tell you I was never going to love you like I should.
I remember that photo of us in the hospital before we got to our room. sitting in the hallway waiting for our second to be born. I was so happy to finally feel like we were alive. I snapped that photo of us. I thought for sure at that point it was meant to be. I looked at that photo today. I nearly cried at myself with that look in my eyes. I know exactly how I felt that moment. The moment when I just put it all on faith that what we had was enough, and more than what most would have. I chose to love you enough. To try with everything inside of me. Why at that moment in that picture you would turn to me and stick out your tongue? It’s o.k., Im used to that sort of thing, I know what you must have gone through. Because I went through it too.
Every day I woke up beside you. My first thought was that I didn’t love you. And I know it is just my nature now that my second thought was… I loved you enough to try to love you more. That that day it would get better. That that day would lead to the night it would rain love into you and that we would stop just for a moment to prove we were not in this world anymore. The most amazing part about it all is how I’m happy for you. If at last that is how you felt when love came to you.
I fumbled on explaining… exactly, what I meant like a accordion. But thats when it happened! I just told the truth. It sounded so much better to myself and I believe in the end, to you. Thank you… for listening.
Some songs are a wake up call for ourselves and some are the ones that we make a mixed tape to send in an anonymous package.
I hope my smile can distract you
I hope my fists can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you’ll never know
I hope my love can blind you
I hope my arms can bind you
So you’ll never have to see
What we’ve grown to be
One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay
One may think we’re alright
But we need pills to sleep at night
We need lies to make it through the day
We’re not okay
One may think we’re doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We’re losing ground with every passing day
We’re not okay
But that’s one thing I would never
One thing I would never
One thing I would never say to you
That’s one thing I would never
One thing I would never
That’s one thing I would never say to you
Pills by The Perishers
Elbows on my knees. Head in my hands. What was I thinking? Something about being more of a man. less of how I really felt. Make my words what I feel. say what I mean. Back on my feet. Off on a mission after my body maxes out on a power pump. Reborn in a [...]
Thank you for sharing!
I was taken by what you two were pointing out.
It’s like the world makes you gay because you have a heart inside. It’s like consumerism has begun to creep into dating. If you are not buying into every childish need to prove you are loved. You arent like the rest of them. Sure you can experiment but we have only one me. Don’t spend your worth on what your relationships mean. Only you know what it means to be fulfilled. your heart is not on a shirt its inside of our chest. protected by bone and flesh. You guard it because its you. You are special and you know it. It is the anti co-dependancy inside of you. How dare we wait for love to find us! How dare we let love melt what nature clearly protects.
Being patient for love… It’s like a first kiss. If you know what it feels like everything else is just stress. It is the effortlessness that is what frees us. When we just know. When we can trust. When we both love to give and give of ourselves. Thats the love that makes it a beautiful road. Be only afraid to alone put the effort in. That is how we get lost in what is owed.
Thanks for being real Catyeah!In reply to - catyeah posted an update in the group Write It!: So I probably write here way too often, but it makes me feel more included than writing on my profile and being lonely little me. So here goes. Today I was talking to my friend, and she was complaining about how she wants a boyfriend, and if she had a boyfriend she’d be so happy. I couldn’t help but think…about how ridiculous she sounded. Why on earth would anyone think that a boy could fix all your problems? Then I realized something; something that I’ve heard way too many times, but only’ve understood now. If you can’t be happy on your own, you’ll never be happy with someone else. TO find someone to love, first, you need to know how to love. Not how to love something, but just how to love. How to be passionate, how to be completely and totally immersed in something. How to be able to sit in a room and do the same thing for hours and hours on end. Facebook doesn’t count. Stumbleupon doesn’t count. But this? I think this counts. Just thinking, and writing. Being by yourself, not needing anyone else to make you happy, or to entertain you. Today, that same friend thought it was strange, even revolutionary that I barely ever like a guy. Yes, I’m straight. But that’s not what I mean. I mean that I don’t fall in like very often. But when I do, I fall hard. And when I do, that guy, for the short (or long) time that I’m in like with him, he’s the only guy. Ever. And I think that’s because I know what it’s like to love something so much. I know what it’s like to sit in one place, doing one thing that makes you happy, for hours and hours on end, and never getting bored. I know what it’s like to feel sad when your eyes start drooping from exhaustion. So when I meet someone that I can talk to, or just sit next to, for hours and hours, and never feel bored, awkward, or self-conscious, well, that’s pretty rare. One in a million. I mean this literally. I mean that there are probably 6,000 people in the world that I have the opportunity to fall hopelessly in like with. In love? I don’t believe in love. At least, not the fairytale love. Not the happily-ever-after love. No. I believe in the fight after fight, horribly drawn out, heart breaking, terrible, horrible love. The one where you want to kill, murder, stab, torture this one person. You wish all the most horrible things upon them, sometimes, for no reason at all. But also….you can’t. You don’t want them to hurt, because when they hurt, you hurt. It might be a delayed kind of hurt, but it reaches you. It’s the kind of love where after 70 years you guys still flirt like first loves. You still talk and laugh like best friends. You still get butterflies when they smile. They’re as comfortable as your oldest pair of jeans. They’re as interesting as that tadpole on the first day of science in first grade. And you’re as curious as the cat who couldn’t help but test out the mouse trap. You keep asking questions, keep wanting to get to know them better, even though you’ve known them practically your whole life. They’re one of the few people that you can actually hate with a passion, and adore with the same extremity at the same time. Holy mother of God that was a long and pointless rant. Thank you very much for sticking with me, and I apologize for wasting your time if you happened to read that whole thing. • View
I had my heart born anew tonight. I found you alone by accident! Right away, I knew I treasured you. The most exotic place I have found was right there with you. All I ever had to say was what tonight put inside of my soul. I never had to change a lyric or play the song over again to remember how it would go. Its not what you said that made me fall in love with you. It’s you… that made me. You knew who you were and you accepted me. Two hearts who survived by light. We are tired of being alone.
I listened to your lips move. I heard your eyes be so polite. What makes me feel a soul inside can only be what made you. You are like the crackle of vinyl on my favorite song. The feeling of authenticity. The mornings I love. Your mood and nature. Like waking up in the warmth of sunshine and flipping the pillow to the cool side. You made me feel so alive. Dancing slow against my chest. I pushed your heart toward mine. I watched you as your eyes closed your soul caught up listening to the song, your arm draped down my back. Your ecstasy sang aloud in the song.
Your words are a whisper against the night. To hear you… It makes me hold you so right. Your joy is the tease of your needs. And knowing now I will. The kiss of all kisses. Your spirit flew high into the night and I was right there with you.
The word life as a verb. No longer misplaced in the noun section…
I find myself on the rocks. looking out above the ocean as it leaps to my feet.
White water playing up to me.
Light of the most beautiful calm.
I pick up my things and dance over the tops of the rocks. As I enter her I am careful to place my feet beneath the surface.
Looking down into the lunar masterpiece.
With a jump forward I paddle out beyond the world of man. Initiated by a series of refreshing blasts from the rhythm mother.
Now a rest to watch her beauty.
The cross up of patterns so strong and unexpected, birds even join in.
The most beautiful thing begins to happen. My heart begins to feel love for her form. The way she stands up like a pyramid over treachery. And I stand up with her. She lets me go inside of her. I feel what its like to be alive. I feel her movement, I respond to her.
Life has the most amazing ability to set you free.
I don’t have to look far for a memory. I just simply remember what she did for me. She can inspire me amid the rumble and wails. She can find me anywhere. I have found I do not mind when no one understands me. I show the trademark grin of knowing what no one else does.
A love affair of over 20 years.
People all see she has cared for my soul. It makes people ask what I know. In that there is a certain loneliness. Because it has been a lifetime of finding new things and I await what has even been to me untold.
She is the well I draw from when I feel apart.
So much wonder, and I know it will never run out.
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