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Behind loves silk curtain I stand. Watching life and love pass by me. In slow motion lovers walk in absolute silence. The vanity of lovers, the fortunes at stake, the heartache that is suppressed to hold on to one more day.

I know of a love light so bright, and so alive the veil is lifted.

The color of my minds eye splashed on the page. Seeing the value of every curve. Every dark corner and the brilliance of the highlights. It seemed to just flow out of me for the afternoon that followed.

I stood up to stretch my eyes, and then my body. Found my way then to the kitchen where I started a kettle on high for some tea. It had become my favorite art companion this last few months.

I looked at myself in the reflection off the glass as you whisked by. Making my eyes see beyond myself. I then realized I had been inside all day. I meant to be outside for the morning air. But alas inspiration had a early hold on me after getting out of the shower. Today there was something to getting dressed and getting right to work! A certain urgency to what I woke up thinking about. I had to start sketching my mental perspective.

I knew you were heading to the meadow. Your husky dog Katen pulled you faster than you wanted to walk. I laughed to myself thinking about what you told me about him. His bazaar behavior and the time he saw your ex-boyfriend show up at your door. It’s funny how animals can sense things about people.

The tea pot slowly at first began to rumble then wound half way to annoying, before I removed it from the flame.
My favorite mug, a little tea and just having had a warm thought of life’s irony I headed back to the studio.
It pleased me to know it was there. I chose the room for the way it lit up exactly at this time of day. Its what woke me from my dreaming. It was like you could visit this house and not notice anything out of the ordinary. Just another house on a street really. But for the next hour and a half before the sun set I was to enjoy the most beautiful of light.

Before the studio was here I had my things just arbitrarily thrown around this room. Since I had moved in, it had been just a back room behind a door. Its amazing what happens when you decide one day to paint again.

I remember what had inspired me too! The time you came through that door when Katen got loose and found his way into my yard. He just had fallen asleep in the sunlight on the deck off of this studio. He made himself right at home on a beach towel that had fallen off the railing after drying.
I threw out the familiar brownish rinse off the deck. Filling it again at the spicket, I watched it spin inside as its level rose. I walked back in through the open door and sat in the light for a moment .I looked at the beauty of the morning.

Light prismed on my desk through the water in the jar. Sipping my tea with the feeling of once again being apart of the day. I felt as though you were smiling in my door way again, laughing about how you just knew he would be here sitting in the sun. And how when the old couple where still living here he would do it too. You assured me it would never happen again, stunned by your seemingly miraculous appearance.
I almost said nothing except, ”Its no problem.” With Katin then awake and on the end of a leash. He must have thought he was going for a walk. He pulled you right the fuck out of here. As you said ”I’m Mercy by the way.”

I’m going to put out a steak on the deck tomorrow. Maybe that way I will get to see more of you.
In this light.

Fashioning a night before it happens shaped me forever one day. I thought that doing the right thing always meant I was destined to make it go right for anyone but me. I knew too much. I knew I would order that drink. Leave just when I felt venerable and laugh at everyone being dishonest friends. I knew how it all would just end in ruins. I would tell you the truth even if it meant you wouldn’t ask next time. Why not I can’t stand you anyways. The way your lying eyes focused when you asked yourself ”Does He know how much I want him to believe I can get away with my shit? Everyone else, Knows, And they forgave me! They let me do this every day!”

I knew when you walked up to me what you wanted to ask me. You thought I would bite into your vapid conversation thats sole purpose was to make your day. How you wanted me to read all your body’s language. The helpless look in your eyes. But I ask you this.
Does it feel the same to have someone rescue your moments day after day?
To know what you mean, and just keep it to myself because… your you. How would your life change tomorrow if you actually tried to solve your problem of needing everybody. I see you inside and out. I see that you can do it. I believe you want to be more than this
This need…It plagues you.

The city’s lights are harsh on you tonight. Look at what is stressing your soul. Your like a politician always trying to rationalize yesterday to justify today.

You may just need some pulling weeds in your garden. That simple meditation anything can really give to you. You want the feeling of the moment you walk out into the world with the fresh mana best sex of your life without the hard work.
The honesty is what brings that. Not the honesty with me, but the personal relationship with yourself.

In every bad day I learned something about me. I also learned something about you. The difference between the good and bad days is the fact that I tried. Looking back on those particular days, never seem so bad the second time around when I told you there could be more from a we. You wanted to remind me how you didn’t even know me all that good. Who had brought me here?

That disgusted look on your face you gave to my friend when you realized I was for real. I was just there to help you?… You had to take a moment to process that information. That raised eyebrow That wrench of your drink. That sudden confidence I let you find in yourself again.
You had some left.
Now your catching on!
You produced that!
Yep, it came from you!
You turned the table on yourself and believed there was one left.

I’ve heard the chatter from your friends.
Like I don’t already know.

Its almost as If the day never ended. I’m still here, waiting for you to try again. No shame in having a bad moment in a day.

Dust yourself off!

Are you alive?…Then act like it! Look at me like that! Push me to the dance floor.

(laughing) Somehow, I never missed anything with you.

Your secrets safe with me. If you learned something out of it.
This time you would be right,
I surely wouldn’t care.

Just fight with me! Break down for once and cry like a adult! No more little girl tears. You know where there are nails on this road and everyday another flat. I don’t even wait around for that phone call. I just know that your going to be on the side of the road in fifteen minutes from the point you walk out. If I were to write down how I feel, you just ask me how can I always make a big deal out of everything. How could I always mistake passion for just plain feeling too much about everything. I wanted you to feel! Feel something! I can’t understand why you don’t feel responsible for anything.
The push against a wall in a rainstorm for a kiss under a eave. That one moment that rain let up so two lovers stole a moment from the world. The idea that the quality of my life is dependent on what you do today to make this the best day of your life. I don’t have the answers to your life. I don’t care about what I think about something. All I was asking for was to not feel like I had a surrogate in my arms. You just waited for me to give up and settle. To do what everyone else had done. Sell out my heart because of where everyones love around us is at. You just renting the time with me. You don’t get to just own me. You have to raise the value of us to sell everyday to me! We have never grown together to grow apart. Your dreams were always just o.k. and mine always needed grounding. Why couldn’t I just get that security for you. Why couldn’t I just drink like a gentleman. Why couldn’t I ever edit what I was really feeling when I came home at night?
I couldn’t because I loved you enough to tell you how I felt inside. I respected you enough to tell you I was never going to love you like I should.

I remember that photo of us in the hospital before we got to our room. sitting in the hallway waiting for our second to be born. I was so happy to finally feel like we were alive. I snapped that photo of us. I thought for sure at that point it was meant to be. I looked at that photo today. I nearly cried at myself with that look in my eyes. I know exactly how I felt that moment. The moment when I just put it all on faith that what we had was enough, and more than what most would have. I chose to love you enough. To try with everything inside of me. Why at that moment in that picture you would turn to me and stick out your tongue? It’s o.k., Im used to that sort of thing, I know what you must have gone through. Because I went through it too.
Every day I woke up beside you. My first thought was that I didn’t love you. And I know it is just my nature now that my second thought was… I loved you enough to try to love you more. That that day it would get better. That that day would lead to the night it would rain love into you and that we would stop just for a moment to prove we were not in this world anymore. The most amazing part about it all is how I’m happy for you. If at last that is how you felt when love came to you.