so i stopped and the world paused and i pressed it to my lips the relief; if only for a moment felt enough to last forever eternity just you and me i swear if you let it we could always be so much more than from what the external seems something way beyond my belief [...]
you make my heart
feel something undescribeable
for something more
to see what we’ll have instore.
i thought i had integrity but when i allowed you to come over like nothing happened i knew… that seriously i’ve lost all respect i thought i had ever had; for myself. it’s really not my fault if i think about it, i can’t help it — how i feel even though i know this [...]
my mind has wound up lost among the starsin the galaxy i try not to be what i suppose i’ve began to seem you’ve been entagled in me touched my mind and soul with your spirituality beyond my wildest dreams surpased what i’m able to believe too bad i’m still unable to show you what [...]
I’m so unsure of everything. This is the first time in my life that I really just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the outcome to anything is going to be. I’m not even able to make an assumption. It sucks. This sucks. Not knowing. I’m okay with life having it’s mysteries. I really am. Actually I’d rather not know what life is going to bring. But I wish I was able to know what I’m able to bring to my life. So many things have changed, and I know that things are just going to keep changing. But I wish I had some type of stability. Something.
however you look at it
it’s messed up
and although there’s nothing
that I’m capable of changing
that this is going to eat me up inside
for quite a long time
and i don’t know
if I’m even prepared for all of this
the truth is…
i’m scared i’ll never be able
to make my dreams my reality.
i feel so broken.
like i’ve had to give up so much
that i truely cared about
i’ve had to give up so much
of myself, that defined who i am.
what’s the point?
for a pay check?
for a place to lay my head?
sometimes i wonder..
is all of this really worth it
so i can be considered
something in the eyes of a society
that i completely disagree with
like i said..
what the point?
i wish things were different.
i still hope that maybe something will give
like the world will just stop
and thing wont continue to be the things they are
i have too much hope in humanity
because no one is humane
no one has compassion
no one had common curtesy
even though i do
everyone really is normal.
i’m the weird one.
it was completely on a whim
but i don’t know why
i felt something so deep within
with every touch
of every limb
with ever kiss
of your every trim
i think i’m in love.
the truth is…
it’s new years, and where am i?
on this couch, in front of this computer screen, lost.
i just don’t get anything anymore
maybe i’m so out of the loop
and sometimes you can’t help but think that maybe there’s something wrong with you.
maybe, that is just maybe
half the time i can’t even comprehend
what’s going on through my own mind
half the time, i can’t even comprehend
my own thoughts
so half the time, i can’t even understand
my own meaning of truth
which is why
i’m afraid of my future, all the time.
that’s where i spent most of my time
and maybe that’s why i am the way
always keeping my head in the books
skipping school to go to the library
and maybe thats the problem these days
there isn’t enough of a challenge.
So old and useless
Tarnished from so much abuse
With no type of appreciation
To this day, when things
Maybe, might have mattered
Instead they’re torn
What would you have rather?
When it’s completely
Just the same dumb pattern
the snow was fluttering
the wind whispered
and i tip toed
every inch to the altar
in all of it’s perfection
just wasn’t for me
wasn’t for me..
at this point
i dont even think
that your company’s
cheap ass paperclips
could hold the pages
of our story together
i never wanted to admit it
and neither did you
although neither of us could sit here
and deny that our feelings were true
now the worst part
is to try and pretend i don’t miss you
but it’s okay because in reality
all of our problems
are secret clue
I had to transport these ideas and transform them into dreams no more surpressed screams or not knowing what life is supposed to mean i don’t really know what’s been happening to me but i know that i’m so far from what i’m supposed to be or how people percieve all the things i truely [...]
what does it even mean to be thankful.
am i really thankful?
i feel like most people take everything for granted
so what’s there really to be thankful for?
i’m thankful for everything
good and bad
i feel like if i hadn’t been through the bad i wouldn’t even know what good felt like
i hate people who complain
about their struggles
you should be thanful for them
im ontop of a hill
in a program that might as well be like jail
and i’m so thankful
i’m so thankful to be around these people
it really does mean so much to me
even if i do complain about it sometimes
but i feel like this is going to be a good learning expirience
this is the first thanksgiving that i’ve ever spent
not with my family
not eating their food
and not recieving their blessing
and i don’t know..
im kinda thanful
i miss them a lot
my sister, my nephew, and her husbands family
and i know i’m missing out on a lot
i’m missing out on my beautiful nephew’s first thanksgiving.
is it wrong that i’m thankful for that?
so the truth is
i’m scared shitless of my future
and althogh i’ve made a big huge step to move forward
i can’t help but be afrain of everything that i’ve left behind
i don’t understand why it had to be this way
i just don’t get it
i had so much oportunity at home
and i know i can overcome this
but sometimes people and situations are just so damn overwhelming
and i dont understand why.
the truth is i wish i was born into a different place where i didn’t have to worry about these kinds of things
and sometimes i wish that i didn’t have to go through this just to make something of myself
and i wonder sometimes would it have been different but then again
i have to be greatful for this oportunity that i’ve been given despite everything that stands in my way.
again like i said
the truth is sometimes im afraid of my future.
i’m so tired of people asking
who’s got the juice
i’d love for my life to change
but sometimes i wonder
what’s the use
maybe it’s been too long,
and i’ve just gotten used
You have to be
one of the worst
Habits I’ve ever picked up
you know, for once i sat here,
and looked at this word “fang”
and had nothing creative to say.
writer’s block. |:
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