We All Fall Down.
Today I broke. Today I read the truth, and I understood it. They had been falling apart for some time now. I had simply been too naive to realize this until it was far too late. I remember them telling me to be strong, to continue on. They swore they would always hold me up when I fell. But how do you lean on something so crippled and broken?
How can I blame her? She is a woman, she hurts, too. But I find myself blaming her and him. I forget they’re human. I suppose I became used to the thought of them being perfect, being happy. I looked up to them as superheroes, forgetting they too were made of flesh and bone and tears and sweat. Today I opened my eyes.
Now I realize the ticking sound of time passing me by, as if every moment I once cherished is now timed. And it is. Greg and Sam.. How I want to shield them from the upcoming breaks. Theyr’e good kids. They deserve a childhood. I don’t think they’re going to have it. They will feel it wrenched from their hands as I did.
I seek no consolation, only wishing to be able to shield them. They are my priority. They are my goal. I can no longer lean on the only two people I fully trusted. So instead I stand tall, in spite of the tears that blur my vision.
There’s got to be an answer.
The world crashes into my senses, a sudden burst of confusion knocking me out of my blissful ignorance. Do I truly feel this way? Am I letting myself be swayed far too easily? Stop, breathe. Look around you, and see.. Happiness isn’t easy to be earned. Is happiness what I have found? No. Does it feel that way? I think. Insecurities flash in my eyes, little things that are so wrong. I cringe at the sight of them, but they are not my own. They mar the beauty of what is, cramming reality down my throat mercilessly.
He smiles, tells me he loves me. I smile, my lips molding against his in a response. I can’t say it. I don’t know if I do. Thoughts swarm me like angry bees, stinging in and ripping apart the moment of nonchalance. My hazel-eyed gaze meets the depths of brown irises. But there is no profundity, no maturity. It might as well be black and white. Am I asking for too much? I can’t break his heart just like that, can I?
Think clearly, what do you feel? You know yourself, now reach in to know the answer. You know the answer.
No, I don’t.