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Acoustic sounds slip out into the breeze. Musical notes carved from birch trees fly through my ears, through my mind. The lyrics bloom on their backs- green willows twisted into the treble clef, white magnolia flowers scattered throughout the bass. They take root in the recesses of my brain. I can’t get this song out of my head.

Posted By bethany On 04.18.2011 @ 8:06 pm

Acoustic guitars play in the background of a hot cafe. The stifling evening air is caught around our necks. My friends have ditched me. I watch the people talking, drinking, laughing. When did I become so alone?

Posted By bethany On 04.18.2011 @ 7:47 pm

I’ve never had whiskey.

Posted By bethany On 04.17.2011 @ 7:18 pm

“Royal oil, come on bubble and boil…”

I remember sitting at a stop-light in the passenger seat of that beat up 1984 Mazda. My brother turned up Mighty Mighty Bosstones so that it blared out of the crackling speakers and reverberated against our eardrums.

“Stabs like dagger, make you stagger on the hot tin foil…”

The windows were down, (no air conditioning, of course) and cigarettes dangled from our fingers.

“Mind your mind or it will surely spoil, then you sleep down in the soil…”

We were totally content in each others company. The light turned green, and my brother hit the gas pedal.

“Nothing comes from nothing, come on Royal Oil”

Posted By bethany On 04.16.2011 @ 9:11 am

“Royal oil, come on bubble and boil…”

I remember sitting at a stop-light in the passenger seat of that beat up 1984 Mazda. My brother turned up Mighty Mighty Bosstones so that it blared out of the crackling speakers and reverberated against our eardrums.

“Stabs like dagger, make you stagger on the hot tin foil…”

The windows were down, (no air conditioning, of course) and cigarettes dangled from our fingers. We were totally content in each others company. The light turned green, and my brother hit the gas pedal.

“Mind your mind or it will surely spoil, then you sleep down in the soil… Nothing comes from nothing, come on Royal Oil”

Posted By bethany On 04.16.2011 @ 9:08 am

Failure poured like gasoline down my throat. I can feel it going down my internal pipes until finally it settles in my stomach.

Posted By bethany On 04.16.2011 @ 6:43 am

All those nights when the shrieks ripped from her mouth while she hit, over and over again. Myself banging my head against the wall, floor, table, wall. We both cried from rage, and hurt, and confusion. The screams inside my head fell from her lips and broke on the floor. These hysterics were typical, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Posted By bethany On 04.15.2011 @ 4:59 am

I remember the first time I ever fought back. It was so unexpected to both of us. She was completely hysterical.

Posted By bethany On 04.15.2011 @ 4:54 am

I severely wish I was stronger than this….

I AM STRONGER THAN THIS!

I’m not.

Razor edge, biting my flesh. Make the pain go away.

STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!

I can’t.

Disappear into the moment. Crimson hiding place. I ache for it.

I AM STRONGER THAN THIS!

I’m not.

Posted By bethany On 04.14.2011 @ 5:54 am

Alumni. Before you can be an alumni, you must first graduate. Graduate. Before you can graduate, you must first pass. Pass. Before you can pass, you must first get your act together. Act. Before you can get get your act together, you must first overcome your fears. Fear. That’s what it all boils down to, isn’t it? Fear.

Posted By bethany On 04.10.2011 @ 10:31 am

Integrity is when someone can be trusted. Not just with what they are told but to do what needs to be done.

Posted By Bethany On 04.08.2011 @ 7:03 pm

I am determined to not think as I write this. It is hard….see I just started thinking…crap I did it again. Being determined isn’t always enough to get things done I guess.

Posted By Bethany On 04.07.2011 @ 6:49 pm

Being connected was what she craved more than anything. Online, phones, face-to-face, she needed the contact to feel like herself.

Posted By Bethany On 04.06.2011 @ 7:57 pm

I always wanted to be strong. When the other girls were talking one the phone painting their nails, I was in my room doing push-ups. When the other girls whined about hurting feet, I kept practicing. When the other girls screamed about their difficulties, I hid my pain. When the other girls couldn’t stand hurting, I learned how to push through. I always wanted to be strong.

Posted By bethany On 04.06.2011 @ 9:30 am

Everyday takes more and more strength. It gets harder. I try to move on and be pain-free, but it seems like everyday something happens that stabs me in the side, and every stab gets deeper and deeper. I feel as though I am collapsing. I need more strength.

Posted By Bethany On 04.05.2011 @ 6:36 pm

Success.

No images come to mind.

What is Success?

All I can think of is failure.

Posted By bethany On 04.05.2011 @ 5:53 am

winning something being the best having a good time acheiving greatness

Posted By Bethany On 04.04.2011 @ 10:37 pm

When I was five years old, I made plans to grow up to be the most beautiful ballerina in the whole world ever, and get swept away by my knight in shining armor on his Pegasus, and live in a castle made of roses in the middle of fairyland.

Those plans kind of fell through.

Posted By bethany On 04.03.2011 @ 8:53 pm

Plans are so fast now. With texting I can head out for the night and have no clue where I will be or how long I will be out for. It can be exciting but also stressful. I have high hopes for the next generation and their abilities to plan on the fly and make fast decisions.

Posted By Bethany On 04.03.2011 @ 8:45 pm

Ugh. I hate science. Everyday I walk in and think, what are we going to be learning about that tries to tell me I’m stupid for being a Christian today? And, for that matter, I also hate math. Where’s the creativity? Certainly not in those two subjects…

Posted By Bethany On 04.03.2011 @ 6:48 am

You the the biggest egotistical jerk ever. I can’t believe I ever trusted you. You flirted and we had fun. You got a girlfriend. And the second you broke up, you were texting me and flirting with me, and I believed you were serious. A few days later you got the first girl back.

Posted By Bethany On 04.01.2011 @ 5:09 pm

I don’t really know if I have a purpose. I thought that purpose was to have children and make my husband happy. But that wasn’t the real me. THat was the new Mormon me. I want to be a teacher. I want to write a best selling book. I want to be a boxer. I want to be a movie star. I want to be a modle. Can’t that be my purpose. I’m only 23. I still have time for these things, don’t I? I think I do. I think I can find a purpose that will give the Staten name a legacy, something to be proud of.

Posted By Bethany On 03.31.2011 @ 6:08 pm

I trusted him more than I trusted myself. He became my everything. He let me crawl into the caverns of his bleeding heart, and only there was I at rest. No longer alone, no longer afraid. I was understood, loved.

Posted By bethany On 03.31.2011 @ 11:01 am

To be trusted is the most amazing thing. It holds huge responsibility but it also can reap great rewards. Always strive to be trusted.

Posted By Bethany On 03.30.2011 @ 8:08 pm

I trusted him. I told him everything. And what did he do? He turned around and got a new girlfriend? Why? He saId he liked me, and got another girlfriend? It’s just another typical guy thing, play the girl, move on. It’s always the same story.

Posted By Bethany On 03.30.2011 @ 4:43 pm

Executive. Tall woman, nice calves, hair pulled up at the nape of her neck, wearing a black suit. She stalks down a hallway. Confident, stern, intense. In control. She’s made her decision.

Posted By bethany On 03.30.2011 @ 8:14 am

I have never been very good at executive decisions. I always want everyone’s input and I want everyone happy. Unfortunately sometimes someone needs to step up and make the final choice.

Posted By Bethany On 03.29.2011 @ 8:18 pm

The world is so digital these days. Digital cameras, iPods, cell phones. What happened to the good times, the times where we actually talked to people face to face, printed out pictures, and listened to CD’s. I miss the days of social interaction. Digital, everything. The world is so digital.

Posted By Bethany On 03.28.2011 @ 3:34 pm

Digital is all that stuff that gets in the way of actual human contact. Today we don’t have to know where we are going or where we are when we get there because we have gps. We don’t even have to know what we are doing because someone with text us.

Posted By Bethany On 03.28.2011 @ 12:48 pm

To look out into the world and find who you are trying to relate to is no easy task for the writer. We seek acceptance, but only from that select few. Only those who we know will understand. I will tell you, it’s meant for everyone, but I’m lying. It’s meant for only those who we seek to share commanilty with.

Posted By bethany On 03.28.2011 @ 8:57 am