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In the words of Bob Dylan “things have changed”. So I suppose I had better change with them or risk being left behind and appearing out of date and out of step. I’m just not there yet, so I’m going to adopt the philosophy of fake it til you make it. I’d better get a Logie for my performance.

Posted By EllaDee On 02.09.2012 @ 9:13 pm

I forget. I get so surrounded by the artficial environment and intent on my survival I forget the very thing that will help me endure: the world. The real world, the one I’m in when I’m not here. The world where I see sun & sky, and a friendly cat & dog, a bird or a butterfly.

Posted By EllaDee On 02.08.2012 @ 4:53 pm

Oh God, walls, walls, walls. There are so many of them. Dirty stained dull walls that sit just in front of my face day after day after day after week after year after year… ok , now just stop… but then there are the glass walls 25 or 26 floors up – they call them windows but they don’t open which stops us throwing ourselves out of them when disillusionment threatens to swamp us. Most significant of all are the invisible walls, they separate us by who or what we are or aren’t, what we do or don’t know, who we know or not, and what we do or don’t have. Damn the walls. I want sun and sky.

Posted By EllaDee On 02.07.2012 @ 5:59 pm

I dream of a wider world, deserts, beaches, rivers, of rocks, trees, grass and sky. I dream to feel the heat and the rain. I dream to smell sunshine, damp earth and campfires. I dream of the daily stunted orbits which take us away from each other to our worlds of toil becoming a vast orbit of shared adventures.

Posted By EllaDee On 02.06.2012 @ 3:39 pm

It’s wasn’t epic in any sense of the word: brief, hero-less; unachieving; dull; shallow; disappointing – yes. I imagine I will live on to battle another day but today I’m licking my wounds of defeat and drinking the bitter wine of discontent.

Posted By EllaDee On 02.02.2012 @ 7:25 pm

I can’t even win a chook raffle. Every Melbourne Cup I make a donation. I never bother with the pokies ’cause I know it’s a lost cause. The bookies at the trots give me a wry smile but think I’m a joke with my $2 each way bets, and then I never win anyway. So what made me think to back myself and make a bet on my life? Despite the riding colours & numbers & omens being right the odds were stacked against me.

Posted By EllaDee On 01.29.2012 @ 5:33 pm

My vision of the walls in front me of fades in and out. Corporate workplace sounds buzz and dwindle. The slight stickiness of the desk on the skin of my forearms disspiates. My heart beats faintly and then recedes. Only my fingers tapping the keyboard continue to function.

Posted By EllaDee On 01.30.2012 @ 4:04 pm

Oh yes, the obvious. Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. Thank you John Lennon. I haven’t even bothered to make plans and life just keeps happening to me. There’s no rhyme or reason to it. What seems obvious & what I think will happen is dust and even the reality is smoke and mirrors.

Posted By EllaDee On 01.24.2012 @ 8:52 pm

Psst? Wanna buy a watch? Come down this alley way just a little. Sure they all work. Genuine. Look at this leather strap. Real leather. The mechanism on this model is to die for (oh well, the last owner did anyway…oops). What about this ladies jewel-face for your wife? No wife? Girlfriend surely? Your mother? Who knew I’d make a career out of becoming one of Fast Louie’s best fences.

Posted By EllaDee On 01.22.2012 @ 7:39 pm

I’ve missed you so much. I thought I was chained to you. I thought I had no choice. Then I went away. I missed you. I was at liberty to do as I pleased but I longed to touch you. Oh my love, my crusty, crumby keyboard, my window to the world… You are part of me. I love you.

Posted By EllaDee On 01.19.2012 @ 8:52 pm

Just wishful thinking, I know. There are no indicators heralding the dawn of a new time. I feel like I’m awake and scared and can’t find the door in the dark night of corporate existence. And yes, tomorrow is another day, and another and another. Dusk, the time of winding down and kicking of the shoes approaches, I was hoping.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.20.2011 @ 5:45 pm

I worry why the Universe isn’t hearing my call, or and wonder if there is some static interference garbling my pleas. I could thunder, I could rage, but I don’t want to make too much noise. I wait in silence hardly daring to move lest even my slightest twitch distracts those beings with powers to intervene on my behalf. Surely the pitch of my sighs is enough to rock the etheric realms and make them take notice.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.19.2011 @ 4:31 pm

Don’t be afraid little one. Pull your hoodie tight around you. Keep walking through the corporate forest. I know it’s a little dark and there are some strange creatures around. The rustling noises are just the stirrings of their discontent. Soon the sun will rise and you’ll reach the end of the path. You’ll be free. Think of it as a great adventure. Don’t let the experience scar you.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.18.2011 @ 7:29 pm

The end of the weekend draws near. We sit on the balcony with glasses of wine and discuss… everything. Then, now and what if. The what if is a panorama of possibilties. What incantatations and spells do I need to cast?

Posted By EllaDee On 12.18.2011 @ 12:02 am

Should I use the word unfortunate? I’ve been patient, loyal, professional, and given my true feelings on the matter, kind. I’ve not made a nuisance of myself. I’ve made do, sat tight and waited for the process to process. The process sucked me up, fed me some B. S and spat me out into different day same sh%t. When it offered me another spoonful, I said no. Oh dear, a blemish on my spotless record.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.16.2011 @ 11:23 pm

So, I have to make the best of this? I’ve already spent my last paycheck, and the next one, and by the time I get the one after that it will be gone too. I need to get on with it. I can’t just sit here in the corner snivelling. I’ve added a teaspoon of cement to my cup of tea, hitched up my big girl panties and wiped my nose on my sleeve. Now it’s almost time for drinks.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.15.2011 @ 4:21 pm

Dear Lord, Hear our prayer. Please tell them: Worship is not required; flagellation, self or otherwise, definitely overkill; suit & tie are not ecclesiastical robes; human sacrifices and offerings will not be offered; rites of passage are not rites of God; work is not a religion; the office is not a temple. Amen.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.14.2011 @ 4:49 pm

Worship is not required. Flagellation, self or otherwise, definately overkill. Suit & tie are not ecclesiastical robes. Human sacrifices and offerings will not be offered. Rites of passage are not rites of God. Work is not a religion. The office is not a temple. Make no mistake about it.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.14.2011 @ 4:45 pm

They say the eyes are the windows of the soul but the sign at the door of my office building says “PLEASE REMOVE SOULS BEFORE ENTERING” so I leave my soul at home reading a book and eating toast in bed, and my soul-less eyes sit here at the desk looking at the walls: a palette of pallid; embellished with the detritus of previous inmates; adorned with lame attempts at life.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.13.2011 @ 4:20 pm

It’s not usual, I know. Not what you read about in fairytales, or in the English tabloids. Aaah, things are changing though. Standards are dropping. Like, Warnie’s hooked up with Liz. And dammit, Camilla became the Princess of Wales upon her marriage to Charlie but chose to us the title of Duchess. So, there’s a spare princess title just flapping around waiting… for moi. Who says I can’t be Princess of the Desk in the Corner. I’m giving it my best shot.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.12.2011 @ 5:14 pm

Outside my window 25 floors up I see grey. It’s December for God’s sake and I’m wearing winter clothes & long boots and getting drenched on the way to work. At my desk 25 floors up I feel grey. A long afternoon ahead and a week or so until holidays. I need to be in my dressing gown until 10 in the morning.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.11.2011 @ 6:59 pm

It looked innocuous enough. Perfectly harmless. Just a change. An opportunity really. It all seems reasonable. They’re doing their best. Let’s just see how things go. It’s a workable solution. I’m here to help. Let me know if you need to discuss anything. I’d believe it all if I could but… Out of the frying pan into the fire more like it. Sneaky very sneaky.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.08.2011 @ 9:31 pm

It looked innocuous enough. Perfectly harmless. Just a change. An opportunity really. It all seems reasonable enough. They’re doing their best. Let’s just see how things go. It’s a workable solution. I’m here to help. Let me know if there if you need to discuss anything. I’d believe it all if I could but… Out of the frying pan into the fire more like it. Sneaky very sneaky.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.08.2011 @ 7:14 pm

It looked innocuous enough. Perfectly harmless. Just a change. An opportunity really. It all seems reasonable enough. They’re doing there best. Let’s just see how things go. It’s a workable solution. I believe it all if I could but… Out of the frying pan into the fire more like it. Sneaky very sneaky.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.08.2011 @ 7:12 pm

I thought the song of my life was heading for number one with a bullet. The album was going to hit platinum on the charts. But missile-like it’s spiralling downwards. The backing singers were lip synching, the b@stards. The producers have disappeared with my cash. I can’t get airplay. I just wanna sing my song. It’s all gone so wrong. Yodel-lay-e-hee. Free, free, set me free.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.07.2011 @ 9:35 pm

I thought the song of my life was heading for number one with a bullet. The album was going to hit platinum on the charts. But missile-like it’s spiralling downwards. The backing singers were lip synching, the b@stards. The producers have disappeared with my cash. I can’t get airplay. I just wanna sing my song. It’s all gone so wrong. Yodel-lay-e-hee.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.07.2011 @ 5:01 pm

Not what I wanted. Escape was on my mind. The vision of it hovered in front of me just out of reach but near enough to feel possible. I feared so many alternatives but this one was the worst. To return. Where did it all go wrong?

Posted By EllaDee On 12.06.2011 @ 9:25 pm

I want to run. I want to cry. I want to throw something hard, and break it. I want to understand. I want to feel happy and confident with whatever the hell this is that has happened. But I just feel sad and lost and doubtful. I slouch at my desk and wish myself away.

Posted By EllaDee On 12.01.2011 @ 2:45 pm

“I’m on the roooadd to nooowhere”… goes the song, but that’s not it. I’m on the road to anywhere. And, there’s a much (over) used saying it’s about the journey not the destination. I’m not sure there is a destination. My journey is taking me anywhere and everywhere and I’m pretty sure I’m not in the driver’s seat. I gave it up to the Universe and now we’re on a road trip.

Posted By EllaDee On 11.30.2011 @ 5:11 pm

Sydney viewed over the harbour is a skyline of beauty. I’m separated from it by industrial glass designed so the desperate and failed cannot fling themselves multi-stories downward to freedom. It’s spectacular but it’s cold and untouchable. I want a skyline I can live in. I’d like to think one day after I make my escape from this corporate jail, I could come back as tourist, and see it again with refreshed vision.

Posted By EllaDee On 11.29.2011 @ 3:54 pm