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You know, I used to get up before dawn to see the sunrise and feel the way the wet and glistening grass was to the touch of my feet. That, and there was always an episode of Beast Wars on and my brother also loved playing Legos in the morning. Somewhere along the lines of life I stopped doing that. Now it takes me roughly 40 minutes’ worth of alarms, a strong coffee, make that two, a general good staring into space for as much time as I am able to, a good breakfast, a warm shower – some more staring into space; to wake up. I must be getting old, but I’m not really, only twenty for now. I dread the days of being seventy, and how long it will then take me to be awake, if I ever will be. Perhaps even earlier, I dread the days of being forty when I sleep through the day, late again, in my mind the kaleidoscopes silenced by the heavy thud of regularity, reason, rigidness. My debts finally paid off to society perhaps at fifty (did I ever owe them anything?) and then the dawning realisation that it’s too late. The pursuit of happiness something I will teach my children perhaps, once I send them off to school and guide them in all the ways that I used to be guided, half-guaranteeing them the same ‘success’ I’ve had. Perhaps I won’t have children. Perhaps I will wake up today with a broad grinning face, the only alarm clock the chirping of a nearby bird (okay, given I live in a big city so perhaps the honking of a car is more realistic).

Posted By Laetitia On 11.23.2012 @ 7:29 am

The rabbit checked his clock incessantly. There was really no reason to do so since the clock itself seemed to spin forward and backwards at it’s own will, almost more a compass than any general well-to-do watch I know. Well here we are at least. There’s some time left yet, I think. But I guess I better check.

Posted By Laetitia On 11.23.2012 @ 7:20 am

The dance of buildings with their terracotta frames in a land I don’t yet know. But here you are. And here I am. I was unsure of it before, but running away seems like it’s the only thing to do. I won’t let me be stuck in life’s architecture.

Posted By Laetitia On 05.29.2012 @ 3:42 pm

You’re still here? I think I’d rather take one too many. Oh, you’re not here. What’s that Bob? Jim, help Bob with your boxers. They don’t talk like that where I’m from. That man is a D flat I tell you. A D flat. Did Bob go? Jason tell Bob he needs to go to get some groceries. And take the coat off the dog, it’s too hot anyways. I’ll turn on the oven Jefferey but you’ve got to give me some time.

She was still talking even after I left her.

Posted By laetitia On 10.27.2011 @ 9:09 pm

Still. Her body a statue. Her mind running, running, running as fast as the wind. Her body a statue. There is nothing here anymore. There is nothing here anymore.

Posted By laetitia On 10.27.2011 @ 9:06 pm

I’m standing on the edge of a precipice. It’s a warm sahara afternoon, my ute’s parked roughly four metres away. The clouds have made tangled messes of themselves in a sporadic way and the lazy wind hasn’t been felt all day. Yet, I feel free with my arms lifted up and with the warm sun on my skin. I feel free.

Posted By laetitia On 10.02.2011 @ 10:24 pm

Evidence. Do you look at me? Do you look away? Does the sky colour change from blue depending on what they say? Does it take the winds howl to let you know? Does it take the smallest microorganism or the furthest star? You are real, and this is your life. This is your warm breathe. This is your computer screen.

Posted By laetitia On 09.27.2011 @ 1:34 am

Division. I’m sitting on a couch about three meters away. They’re over there and I’m left here alone, with nothing to say. I’m too afraid to. I might feel worse than I do now if they talk back. Who are these people anyways?

Posted By laetitia On 09.05.2011 @ 1:31 am

Crackle, crackle. Pepper corns crunched with such wrenching sound. I almost feel sorry for the little corns, who never got to pick what they wanted to be, but were rather forcefully shoved into a little wooden container and executed with the most frightful sound.

Posted By laetitia On 09.04.2011 @ 5:54 am

Wipe up the bench, wipe up everything that seems unclean. This was last night’s mess. All the grime from things which rot slowly over time, all the wine spills and bread crumbs. Wipe up everything that seems unclean, and be anew.

Posted By laetitia On 09.01.2011 @ 5:23 pm

Offer. Everything you want to take off her. Strip her bare why don’t you dare? You and your dark maroon eyes, you stole our land, our jobs, our houses, and now our daughters. Why don’t you only sleep with girls who offer?

Posted By laetitia On 08.31.2011 @ 3:42 am

With this limited offer, if you buy now, you may also bankrupt your soul. Yes, for just $14.99 a month invest into your life another useless gadget to make yourself feel a little less empty. What are you doing sitting in front of the television? Life’s outside, not here with all your stuff.

Posted By laetitia On 08.31.2011 @ 3:39 am

Here I stand, open. My heart placed as a sacrifice on a plate. Here I stand, open. Everything can be yours.

Posted By laetitia On 08.31.2011 @ 3:38 am

Poison. I see it dripping from their teeth, jaws open, tongues free. It stings my eyes and I can’t see what’s true anymore. Rather run away than stay.

Posted By laetitia On 08.21.2011 @ 5:52 pm

Where to start? There was some gossip running around the other day. It said I was half as great as last week’s. I’m sure if we average it all out the true me must be somewhere in there. Then again, I’m not even too sure of that. There’s so much about me no one knows. I try to tell them, but they’re too busy listening to what the guy next to them’s saying about me.

Posted By laetitia On 08.15.2011 @ 11:42 pm

Elastic. That’s my opinion of you. I can’t I can’t I can’t believe that you would do that!!!! I’m so angry, I feel disgusted, I feel dirty. I feel everything I should’ve never felt. Who are you anyways? I’ve seen so many faces but I can’t make out the real one. Maybe your personality is just as elastic. I’m glad you’re gone.

Posted By laetitia On 08.10.2011 @ 8:17 pm

I’m almost halfway home. Inside I’m bursting, so I pick up a stray brick from a nearby construction site. It’s quite heavy, the edges leaving an odd texture on my hand. With one shot I take the brick and throw it at the nearest window, the window of a half-build kitchen. The window deflects the brick and it soars back landing on my toe. I walk home a little angrier and a little slower than before.

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 4:30 pm

Are you ever alone? Oh red, brown, maroon brick, are you like the rest? Did you ever wonder whether you could do anything alone? Not today, not ever, you are stuck in a wall forever.

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 4:26 pm

Vast cans lined up on the top of red brick wall. Little chunks of cement spilling out of the edges of the bricks, like thick brushes of an artist’s strokes. One little pebble, one shot. Can you make it? The possibilities…

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 3:50 am

They say imagination is the most precious, most beautiful commodity to behold and to hold. I sit in front of this blank canvas and I do not see anything. Has imagination left me along with my favorite childhood memories?

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 1:17 am

Why do so many people see a canvas as clear? Why is my life seen as something strange and quite ordinary from the outside? I sit in front of this canvas and I can see every hilltop, every valley and every little person out in the field playing. I look at my life and I see an adventure which no one else can see. My life is a blank canvas only to those who can’t see through my eyes.

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 1:14 am

Someone once decided to put a blank piece of canvas in one of the most prestigious art museums and call it art. I thought not. I can take anyone of the street and put them in my house and call them family, it would not make them that. Art is filled with more than just the provocative, but rather with love and admiration, and most of all beauty.

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 1:12 am

There’s nothing to do when there’s nothing to see. Let me look at you when you’re finished, let me make you into something beautiful. Oh the sights and sorrows of men. I can’t paint but I cry when I see what they did.

Posted By laetitia On 08.08.2011 @ 1:10 am

We walk out of the hospital room and at that moment our whole lives become categorized and compartmentalization. Here are the things we talk about to people we don’t really know. Here are the things we say to people we want to impress. Here, behind a vault with one huge lock, here we keep our secrets, the one’s which no one is supposed to know.

Posted By laetitia On 08.05.2011 @ 8:44 pm

Darn, I wish I had bought a lock for the past a long time ago. Maybe a new name, or a new place would’ve done well. Sigh, I can’t do anything now. Mary-Ann’s look on her face tells me she knows everything. So does everyone else in this stupid room.

Posted By laetitia On 08.05.2011 @ 8:39 pm

You’ve got something to hide? Then make sure no one finds it. Anyone can know what I think I say. As long as it’s in riddled thought which none can decipher, but I.

Posted By laetitia On 08.05.2011 @ 8:34 pm

Lock and key. Here is a lock, here is me. I thought we could make it work you see. But proximity is the only way that this will work ever again. Lock up your hearts when they’re too far to see.

Posted By laetitia On 08.05.2011 @ 6:09 pm

I can’t manage her. She’s wild. With hair as bushy as a child. Oh crazy life. I’m not the boss. I don’t know where we’ll all go when the road splits. Take me back to decisions simpler than this.

Posted By laetitia On 08.04.2011 @ 8:23 pm

There are buildings that forget their concrete floor. Buildings that reach up and up and then with one glorious second fall down into themselves. One can’t build too many levels on such weak thing. Stability is key.

Posted By laetitia On 08.03.2011 @ 9:10 pm

Oh so many levels! I see stairs running up and down the chain where hamsters run their wheels. We are all caught up in the system where one just wants to get that little bit higher to wear a better suit, to gain a bit more respect… whilst leaving our values, our humanness on the ground floor.

Posted By laetitia On 08.03.2011 @ 9:08 pm