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“Not only, but also,” she said. There must be a point where meaning is more important than style; this dilemma did not appear on her horizon. For her it was all style, the purpose being to show up the competition into ranting, raw and fretful barbarians.

Posted By Meredyth On 03.08.2013 @ 1:57 pm

“Haven’t you heard the news? It was everywhere, telling us to go outside at 10am,” she said. I could see everyone packing up, tidying their desks, moving quietly out of the building.

Of the multiple signals that beckoned daily, this was a direct sign, a personal message to me. I was called and I could not ignore it. Walking to the door I felt warm and joyful; I was part of the movement outside. We were all going together.

Posted By Meredyth On 03.07.2013 @ 3:17 am

“Ok, just this,” she said. “I will do this and then I must go and sleep.” She was a lamb, a real pet. The least little attention and she would be following you around trying to help.

Posted By Meredyth On 03.05.2013 @ 2:37 am

This is intermission, a pause between courses. Are you a weakling, falling by the wayside? Where is your stamina? It is not every day you are given a stuffed pig cooked over hot coals with the juices pouring out and making your fingers and face glisten and shine.

Posted By Meredyth On 03.04.2013 @ 12:51 am

Who would have thought that something so slight could instill such a sense of terror and despondency in me. It was the difference between being invisible and being caught in the headlights of an oncoming train.

Posted By Meredyth On 03.03.2013 @ 6:23 am

“Why would you try this on me? I thought we were friends,” she said. “It is an act; something you conjured up using smoke and mirrors, isn’t it? I have seen you manage people like this before.” She paused, there was no response. He shrugged and looked to the ground. His body language read like guilt and shame, but she could only read it as part of the game, as a deception. Now she could not look at him without being critical, and it was his fault. “Sometimes it is just the challenge,” he said finally. “I wanted to see if it would work with you. It was just practice.”

Posted By Meredyth On 03.01.2013 @ 5:32 pm

“Haven’t we been here before?” he asked. Our knock on the door had found no response.

The house was silent, as were the other houses we had tried in the street. Looking into the hallway though the small pane in the door, fleeting patterns of sunlight from a far window gave the illusion of movement, almost like a resting heartbeat.

“Shall we try the next one?” I asked. I moved down the path, not expecting an answer.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.27.2013 @ 3:07 pm

“Too fed up and bleeding tired, that is my problem,” he said. “Fed up with being taken advantage of, having shit thrown in my face and putting up with the abuse you dish out.”

Posted By Meredyth On 02.27.2013 @ 4:07 am

“It was just unexpected. I was startled and the jug dropped.” She spoke quickly, rushing the words out in a breath. “Out of my hand, I mean: I did drop it.”

Her fragility was appealing, as was her attempt at claiming blame. I hadn’t noticed her which was probably why jumping up and breaking into song had the effect it did. My exuberance may not have been applauded by the universe, but the world had reacted. Or at least she had.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.26.2013 @ 5:00 am

“Why do you do this? You embroider and embellish even the most trivial situations. This is not an experience, it is life and after the fun there is the tedium of washing up and putting the cat out.” “Don’t be such a stick in the mud,” she said. “You can fall in love next time.” “That is not love,” I replied. “This one sees you as someone who needs to be entertained between free meals. And I end up doing the cooking and washing up.” “Don’t try and put me out like the cat; I am not one of your chores. I will dream. I thinks he likes that.”

Posted By Meredyth On 02.25.2013 @ 4:17 am

The goal is daily survival; to last the distance and drag back to my cave a remnant of my self esteem that will warm me in the night and get me up the next day.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.23.2013 @ 11:06 pm

In the early morning when the noises in the house echo in the stillness and sound like a stampede of footfalls, I have stalled and inspiration has escaped through that crack where the chill and the breeze creeps in.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.23.2013 @ 9:21 am

On what planet is sleep the first choice, that is where I want to holiday. For me sleep is only grasped when consciousness slips out of my fingers and letting go and closing down is the only valid choice. It is an interruption, a delay. I want to sleep, but it evades and obfuscates or it teases and taunts in alternating patterns. Work is the refuge of the sleepless classes, designed those who try and escape the sleep ritual, the constant disappointment and denial of peace.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.20.2013 @ 7:11 am

“Evey day, it just goes on,” she said. Her distress was obvious, her voice rising and her arms flailing round like windmills. As the emotions poured out of her, diaphanous dress she wore drifted around seeming to churn around her like curdling milk.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.19.2013 @ 2:49 am

”Welcome to my world,” he said as he opened the door and walked into the small room crammed wall to wall with clutter.

I tried to edge past the sofa, heavy with fatigue and late night television binges, to meet him in the middle of the room. His distress was obvious. Someone invading his space had made him look at it with new eyes. I could see he was uncomfortable and conflicted: he wanted me to leave, soon but not just yet, not before we had finished what we came for. He could delay resolving this tension, if I could pretend to ignore the state of the room. That was not difficult, except the smell. People get attached to their own smells and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be around this much longer. The conversation would be brief.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.18.2013 @ 3:27 am

Why does my brain get tied when I write. It seems to go flat when the imagination leaks out through hidden cracks. There should be sanctity here, and calm in my writing space. If no-where else, here I should be in my prime. But I sit like a flaccid and wrung out character too feeble to carry the story forward.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.15.2013 @ 2:08 am

”It can be done, there is no reason to stop.” It was as if he willed us to the finish, we were part of his dream. For us it became a nightmare trying to live up to his impossible standards on a daily basis; there was no time to recover and regroup, we were constantly driving ourselves forward.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.15.2013 @ 7:02 pm

On what planet would you wear a flat hat? He is just a spare plank of a person. And it is no use talking to him, he just shuffles his feet and looks at the ground smiling his strange smile.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.14.2013 @ 4:29 am

When an idea does not have legs and will not get up and walk there are systems in place, with the right people, at a price, for bumping it along. This framework is called society, if you didn’t know. A mindless, unconscious, grasping thing.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.01.2013 @ 1:44 pm

”Have you seen the features on this new model?” she asked. As I held the device and turned, the dark surface dimpled and seemed to move like oil above deep water. Made of a smooth plastic it was warm and felt slightly damp or sticky. The sensation reminding me of the humidity and the silences and lurking shadows in crowded public spaces.

Posted By Meredyth On 02.01.2013 @ 6:10 am

He is rushing around, getting ready for a visitor. Normally he will not say a word and disappears into the wallpaper. This must be an important visit, someone he wants to impress. Seeing him outside his comfort zone and preparing his cave to admit and invading force is interesting.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.28.2013 @ 1:46 pm

Where whistling is thought musical, that place is to be avoided. Static I can listen through, to the soul of the music. But whistling, it stirs the hairs on the back of my neck, it forebodes as though someone is walking up behind me with nair-do-well intention. It is the music of the lout, the pretender, the rascal.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.24.2013 @ 1:32 am

”Whatever excuses you can give me, this must stop. It is not sound. It is based on judgement that is way off track.” Why would you have this person as a friend I ask myself. She is trying again to stop the momentum. Is it time to remove her from the list? ”I don’t care what you do,” she continued. ”You can wasted your life, but think about the impact you are having on the lives of the people you drag along.” Definitely time to cut her loose.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.18.2013 @ 9:31 pm

I just want to be healthy for a while, to get back to where I was. I want time to clean up my act, sweep out the cobwebs and move on. At the moment I don’t have the energy to handle people. Your job is to do that for me and also not to bother me with the trivial stuff. I don’t care how upset other people get, I want space and freedom to do what I need to do.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.17.2013 @ 2:19 am

This series of numbers is a sequence, and not only that but one in a thousand, a pattern of numbers to remember. When you go to the end it repeats and the pattern can start again. There you go, to try and explain I have just misused the meaning of two words: number and end. The number is is not unique but part of a pattern and when I talk about the end I am also talking of the beginning. There is even my little thousand year old joke in there.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.14.2013 @ 2:09 am

”My word, you do try hard.” She wiped away the condensation from the windscreen and tried to guess where they were. The fog hid the mountains and sky, removing all landmarks and she knew the danger of relying on an internal compass to plan the path. Logic would win out over intuition any day.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.12.2013 @ 5:02 pm

Sitting in the hot house listening to the cry of the wind outside I feel the sweat pouring out of me. The wind has a meanness and almost a vanity in the power it demonstrates. Standing out in the hot wind was like being shouted at and physically bullied by a loud aggressive person.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.11.2013 @ 10:28 pm

”Would you allow me just this and I promise not to mention it again?”

I have been here before. I think it is because I am easy to please, low maintenance that I get the role of friend without benefits. I have always liked it when people do what they want and what makes them happy. Occasionally I would like that to be me.

This time it feels like a compromise as though I was getting short changed, second bested. The other thing is that I never believe promises.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.09.2013 @ 6:30 am

”If I thought it would make a difference I would try, but in my experience it has had no effect on my happiness, in fact the reverse. The universe is random and random events are favoured. If you try and force the issue the effort is largely unrewarded.”

”Sally, I am just trying to set you up on a date, not trying to predict the future or alter the course of humanity.You need to get out and meet people and this is a chance. He is a nice bloke, quite and easy to get on with.”

”You mean dull and difficult to engage in conversation. I have been here before and as I said, the universe does not reward me for the effort.”

Posted By Meredyth On 01.06.2013 @ 1:52 am

Racing the clock again to meet the deadline, the drop-dead-line. I feel as if I am over the barrel with no way to catch up or slow down. Every step forces the next and I am only just keeping up. If I could only get ahead a little to have some time to plan, to strategize, I would feel better. If I had more control, maybe I could find the exit that would take me back to my life.

Posted By Meredyth On 01.02.2013 @ 6:05 am