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Subduing we shallt be undifficult should we fail to be attracted properly. Commonsense spake thus, but ne’er was one to listen should it seem so. Aye, aye, the days are overold and I am left as dust now.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 04.13.2013 @ 8:11 pm

CHUMPS! The kind of chumps who tie an anchor to their car of all things! These are the chumps we must cleanse, cleanse, cleanse from our presence. No longer should such as these be permitted, for it is this tolerance that breeds failure. FAILURE TO NOT BE A CHUMP.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 04.11.2013 @ 2:33 pm

I’ll share with you all I know of vines. First of all, many people take umbrage with certain aspects of vine culture, namely purveyors of homo-erotic dog food and other such food genres. The reason for this is, as of yet, unclear to us, but we remain confident that with diligence such issues can be resolved.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 04.04.2013 @ 3:03 pm

Clumps of stuff in a tornado like that. Just clumps, flying round and gettin flung about. RIght, see there goes a cow dodging a potato patch mid-air, and over there is bein flung a reticulated model of a gigantic locust. Clumps and clumps.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 03.28.2013 @ 9:01 am

I don’t scrimp, I’m just an uptown man walkin downtown in a new pair of boots. A lot of times I’ve said (and I really mean this) that I am truly knowable to people who make the effort. And swivel me in a chair if that ain’t the truth, hon’! I can be a bee or not if you want, but just make the effort!

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 03.23.2013 @ 4:31 pm

This heat is killing me, and I’m not even a flat-tongued harpy. Blasted sun. If I had a feather and a pan, I would walk downtown to the clock and teach the sunrise a thing or two. Maybe let him know just what I surmise. Yeah! That oughta be it.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 02.13.2013 @ 4:41 pm

A sly and crisp salesman pounding on the door, in the rain-slick dreary mess. The woman, disheveled, answers, confused, listens and shortly closes the door.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 02.07.2013 @ 1:51 pm

Swell.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 01.30.2013 @ 2:34 pm

Eeeeeeee, I don’t know about that, Cholly. We have visitor, waiting downstair. Why you no say you want to go bang-bang earlier? Why you wait? Now this man he waiting want talk to us… Eeeeeeeeeee.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 01.28.2013 @ 8:51 pm

Gaspar LeChong, head chef of the Le Papillon Gros, is quite the cool cucumber. Last week a customer accosted him, accusing him of spiking the daily special with pepto bismol. Bernard stared him down, and, froth flecking from his lips, showed that man the DOOR.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 01.27.2013 @ 4:05 pm

I have to admit that responsibility is something I usually shirk. I don’t enjoy it, nor do I particular enjoy wearing a shirt. While it should be noted that I am otherwise a fine and kind gentleman, my lack of responsibility can for sure hurt. It is in this manner that I think we are all judged: in the absence of responsibility, can we succor our lives with yogurt?

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 01.24.2013 @ 1:33 pm

The most I ever was destroyed came about by the damnedest bean burrito you ever lain eyes upon. The grease and bacteria of that foul wedge of filth wreaked such havoc upon my tenderloins that I have sworn off all such devourings of burrito-type foodstuffs, and henceforth declare my butt “Burrito-free”.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 01.19.2013 @ 7:51 pm

I was once told that great truth exists in the needle of a compass. Well, blast my arm hairs off if that ain’t the flap-diddliest bucket of lies to ever crease the folds of an old librarian’s lips. Took myself out into the great prairie yesterday morn’, carrying nothing but a compass and my trousers, and damn it all if I didn’t get home ’till half past 9.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 01.12.2013 @ 7:29 pm

Ooooooooooooooooooo these lips are veddy ancient. Not a kiss, not a kiss. The lips they may fall off, yes, yes, oh, yes. A crack and a crinkle and *whish*, fall away, veddy most unfortunate, yes, yes.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 02.09.2013 @ 2:04 pm

Saw a bird there just standin up on top that tree there, big mass a feather’n such. Bird there all about SQUAWK then took off. Whole mess a bird that one. Said’s to my Charlene, That there bird ain’t bout nothin but no good. She jes nod and nod, keep on sippin that drink a her’n.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 10.08.2012 @ 3:22 pm

HALP! I dont know computer

how do i make got web doing? button like this?

HALP

i press button make internet but no internet is only bad

plz

plz halp internet

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 09.26.2012 @ 4:56 pm

Before I thought about things in the context of the everyday. That was how I comprehended, how I understood. These days I like to try and think in the greater all around, the big surprise that’s just waiting outside your head. It’s a technique I like to call Cloud Pooping.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 09.24.2012 @ 2:19 pm

Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied eggs, yassuh! Yassuh, fried eggs. Get’um while’um hot, yassuh. Yassuh, fried eggs. Eggs, li’l bit’um peppuh, strong bit a’ salt, seen here, fried’um up, yassuh. Good fried eggs right there, bimeby.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 09.14.2012 @ 7:43 pm

“Chiblets.”

That was the only word the man done spoke, standin’ there in the sun like a dehydrated raccoon. I chewed on my cud a bit, let the word sink in a while. Raised the tip of my cap some, so’s to get a better look at the fella, and asked the only sensible thing:

“What in the hell’s a chiblets?”

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.31.2012 @ 4:57 pm

Simple salvation is something that not many seek properly. Too many are caressed by the images and the concerns of ancient apostles, and for that they are left without a proper place to seek. This, I think, is the core conundrum of modern society; many who are are without a fundamental grounding in their own selves, and what we, as society, are left with is simple detritus.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.29.2012 @ 3:31 pm

Go upside there, tell’m whey it at, let’um know. Ain’t seed nothin’ what ain’t had a tall time if’n them others hadn’t come around. Shifty man up there talk a lot ’bout that side, got things to say I ain’t sure shoulda been said, y’ken. Shifty man got a ways to go to belong this ways, and that a fact.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.23.2012 @ 1:20 pm

I don’t like to think about this as a tired person. I am, as you do say, dim in head. Dim from lots of things, but mostly tired. Thinking, thinking… time and all that. I can’t always make up anything out of this dim, and in some ways this is sadliness.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 11.28.2011 @ 8:46 pm

Man alive if I ain’t always gotta be goin like an icicle fallin down up offa that hangin eave there goin all like that, man, I don’t know what. People stoppin up here askin all like why you do that, and man, why I gotta be splainin that like how. People, man.

Anyway, when you got that thing like that, it’s best you know how to be and when to be, cus bein is always gonna be tough.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 11.13.2011 @ 8:52 am

I can clap on a radical time without any kind of pre-preparedness. It’s a skill I cultivated while interred in the third grade, lots of days ago. I’ll admit it was brought about by necessity, but since then it has remained as a standard and well-loved attribute of my many qualities.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 10.21.2011 @ 7:59 pm

Suppose I ask you for a ham sandwich. Think you could maybe supply me with such? A ham sandwich. Suppose’n you provided that, and I ate it and such. Would you be ok with this? This supposed sandwich, and such a bit of eatin’. Well, I can’t speak for you, but I’d be right ok with this.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 10.03.2011 @ 7:44 pm

Dead clappers don’t make much noise. See? ‘Cus, like, if you ever had that sinking feeling that you were becoming unhearable, and you started to clap but no hears you — that means you’re dead, bro. Usually, at least. I mean, not always. Sometimes maybe people just don’t give a hoot that you are clapping. See?

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.22.2011 @ 4:59 pm

We climb because we can. Let me repeat myself: we climb because we can. Smaller men stand below and call into question our motives, our reasons, our proper sanities, but we don’t mind. Let them stand low with mouths ope and gaze high to where we rise.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.16.2011 @ 7:48 pm

A drubbing while driving is a serious thing to be receiving. Make sure, at all times, to be prepared for such an encumbrance, as it could cause you many unharms. For example, a drubbing while driving could inhibit further drinking ability, as one’s mouth would be in a state of disarray. What a debacle that would be!

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.09.2011 @ 4:45 pm

Yeah, I’m a clamp that locks things. Folk sometimes wish to have their belongings clamped down upon, and I’m the clamp they call. Squeezing, pinching, vice-gripping, clutching’n'such — I does it all, yessiree-do-bob. Ask me about my weekend rates.

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 08.05.2011 @ 4:31 pm

Fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fake violet. Only buy REAL violet. Never again trusted with the money? YOU. I mean-!? Fake-!? VIOLET-!? WHAT YOU WERE THINKING? How many times of take wrong thing and come back unsurprised at reaction to make you correct this peculiar behavior? ? ? ? ? ? ?? ?

Posted By Richardton T. Slump On 07.21.2011 @ 5:04 pm