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After a night of tequlia with heavy-set Richard, the last place I wanted to be was on a boat, the heavy swells of the sea, rocking us back and forth, violently ripping my stomach lining from its resting spot,daring me to to hurl my breakfast across the roof of the boat.

Posted By Susannah On 01.31.2013 @ 6:39 am

All-swell that end-swell, but in the end, it was mostly unwell. She was falling apart. Quickly. her hair was falling out. She crumbled under her weight when trying to walk. Indeed, all was not s’well.

Posted By Susannah On 01.31.2013 @ 6:35 am

I must focus on myself if I am to be responsible for others. IF I allow my health to fail, then I cripple, and I can take care of nothing. I must be more strict, clear, and concise. No more concessions. I must, or else I fail.

Posted By Susannah On 01.07.2013 @ 11:15 am

Wanting is an urge, a push. I am I pushing it, or is it pushing me? Which, in this situation, is preferable. I work on what I want, and fear what will happen if I get it.

Posted By Susannah On 08.14.2012 @ 1:07 pm

I’m high at work right now. I couldn’t care less about the configuration of this or that. I’ve never been high at work. or most anywhere except the few times I’ve smoked weed. Vicoden is somehow different, somewhat the same. teaching while like this was surprisingly easier than other days…

Posted By Susannah On 06.28.2012 @ 1:44 am

armpits. the pits of despair. the pits of hard work and determination. the pits of desire. be proud of that stench, and sometimes, remember to take a shower.

Posted By Susannah On 06.20.2012 @ 2:38 am

all this racket over saving face making a scene, so seem as if you care once their eyes have turned, you look away, solemn. . do what you want, you say.

Posted By Susannah On 06.10.2012 @ 7:27 pm

It’s hard to grind my coffee beans, ever since I lost that little knob that goes on the handle. It says something to my addiction, the spinning, spinning,spinning, digging, digging, digging into my palm for just a taste the sweet sweet nectar inside that little wooden box.

man, I gotta get myself a blender!

Posted By Susannah On 06.08.2012 @ 1:24 am

butterflies, robots, human beings…plastic toys. everything will inevitably transform. become another.

Posted By Susannah On 05.27.2012 @ 5:33 pm

every question begins with one.

Posted By Susannah On 05.22.2012 @ 3:53 am

What is the most romantic thing you can think of right now? is it something that actually happened? or could ever actually happen? Congratulations. you are not a sappy teenager who reads too much twilight. nor are you a 35 year old virgin.

Posted By Susannah On 05.17.2012 @ 6:51 am

Outgoing. yes, I am. When I know my role, I go out, and I do it whole heartedly. But people confuse outgoing with its opposite. Can outgoing people be shy? yes. Just as someone who is brave can also be scared, then I, too can be a shy person.

Posted By Susannah On 05.10.2012 @ 1:45 am

It’s almost time for lunch and I’m hoping it’s not fish again…again…more fish. When I slide that door open, I cross my fingers, I cross my toes. I pray for something–anything but fish. But before my eyes can see, my nose can smell, that tasty fish.

Posted By Susannah On 05.07.2012 @ 8:00 pm

I see the old women who walk around like bent tree branches and I worry. With every pang from my hip; every creak of my knee…I wonder, will I become one of them someday? transformed into a whithered twig who can no longer stand erect on her own?

Posted By Susannah On 05.04.2012 @ 8:11 pm

Separate the boys, separate the girls. one of each then one more of each. again, again, again. Who cares what their mothers would prefer.

Posted By Susannah On 05.01.2012 @ 9:18 pm

I gave it all away. I have no regrets, I’d do it again. I’d do it Again. I’d do it again. It’s fate or future or whatever you call it. I’d do it again it’s what i’m meant to do.

Posted By Susannah On 04.28.2012 @ 6:41 pm

in my world, I am the the singular, though it seems i am not the centrifcal force around which others orbit. Instead, I bounce from precious little orb to precious little orb…bobbing from one head at a time; noticing and moving on. for that moment, my world is you, and then it’s you they are all my worlds. I am their second grade teacher.

Posted By Susannah On 02.07.2012 @ 3:45 am

the air is crisp. the sky is clear. outlines of the mountains are so crisp you could just barely doubt that they’d been etched over with a Sharpe marker.

Posted By Susannah On 01.14.2012 @ 12:29 am

The lights in Asia don’t really sparkle…they are more of a glow. a constant glow, a hum. distant but compact, near to your face, but just our of reach. The world squeezes the sparkle, compactifies it with a dense hug with such a force that it changes its pure beauty into a commercial sign. HOT now! HOT now! HOT now!

Posted By Susannah On 01.12.2012 @ 5:59 am

Ap-CHEE-ma. I say, and they hand me an orange apron with dark red stains splattered all over it. The young women who sit around the table are wearing skirts and furs, little felt flowers and sparkly headbands. They sit with the Apron place daintily over their hundred-plus thousand won outfit, and I feel out of place in my jeans.

Posted By Susannah On 01.06.2012 @ 2:23 am

When she came here, she was prepared with sun cream, glasses to repel the sun, and a big, floppy hat. She carried a water bottle. But nobody warned her about the wind.

Posted By Susannah On 12.28.2011 @ 5:35 pm

I like hot chocolate. Some people may say no, that’s not a meal. It’s a beverage. but a good hot chocolate, rich and creamy–topped with a mountain of thick rich cream and chocolate sauce; that, my friend, is an experience.

Posted By Susannah On 12.28.2011 @ 3:00 am

I carve my name into the side of the wall, then I scoot my mattress up against it. No one will ever know my secret. My real name, my power and control. But what is power? Without the risk of losing it all, no one has a need to cling on with intensity.

Posted By Susannah On 12.27.2011 @ 2:02 am

I am flooded by waves of pain when I sit. When I stand they run up and down my back. they consume me, my body, my mind, everything. and no longer can I breathe “normally”

Posted By Susannah On 12.21.2011 @ 8:49 pm

return to me my health return to me my figure return to me the summer sun return to me my best-loved one

Posted By Susannah On 12.07.2011 @ 4:13 am

It’s not thanksgiving till the holiday dinner is splashed on the walls. A rorshak display of family ideals, lovingly peppered on the wall. Each member fuming in his or her own way, in a separate section of the house. And a carefully crafted horn-of-plenty…untouched and erect. The main paper Maiche’d in a second grade classroom, to add just a touch of reality to the evening..

Posted By Susannah On 12.05.2011 @ 5:02 am

The skyline changes with the level of fog. From majestic mountains to wall of soupy grayness. I am reminded of Scooby-doo, cutting the fog with a knife. The skyline has disappeared and so has my sight as to what lies ahead.

Posted By Susannah On 11.30.2011 @ 12:39 am

the lights are dim in the hallway. IT is cold and my key sticks in the door. I am haunted by the memories of what happened here two weeks ago. My feet still tingle and the thought of being barefoot here. But the longer I wait, the stronger I hope that this memory will fade and become yet a dim thought.

Posted By Susannah On 11.29.2011 @ 6:57 am

my heart is lying open. falling from my chest in my hands. I give my heart to you and you look at me, and it, with disdain. disgust, mistrust. You turn around and face the stranger. you hand your heart to him. and stick your tongue out defiantly, in my direction.

Posted By Susannah On 11.16.2011 @ 5:38 pm

wings don’t flap in the wind. they soar. they glide and enjoy the ride. I wonder if wings resent the absence of the wind, once it’s gone? as I do, when my bike hits a hill?

Posted By Susannah On 07.31.2011 @ 3:31 pm