Entries By chilimango
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Some people like being dominant. I’m not sure that I do. It comes with a lot of responsibility. Jose acted dominant and it got him pretty far, but really he was in my control the whole time, so he overcompensated. Dominance is an animal instinct, the urge to be better than someone else. Unsophisticated.Posted By chilimango On 10.09.2012 @ 4:54 pm
He was laid out on the stretcher, deader than dead. d-e-d. It finally killed him this time, mixing this with this and that with that, thinking he was invincible, not caring that he wasn’t, half-hoping that he wasn’t. Leaving everyone behind, not believing that he took a piece of each of us with him.Posted By chilimango On 07.18.2012 @ 4:30 pm
She wore one gold earring, which glimmer in the soft sunlight. It was the first warm day of the season and the earring was as golden as the light that illuminated the world around them. The earring was a microcosm of the golden universe in which they lived, in which all living things breathe together.Posted By chilimango On 04.16.2012 @ 8:39 pm
Should conjure up images of grace and beauty, but only conjures up images of bitchiness and snobbery.
I knew a girl names princess in middle school. I wonder if she acted like one.
I used to genuinely think I was a princess. As in literal royalty.Posted By chilimango On 12.12.2011 @ 5:27 pm
Serene. The city skyline is an image of development, of the future…but not of progress. But focus on that line…the actual skyline. Like the horizon, but man-made. Blue skies, clouds. hope. A whole other world in the thin imaginary line where cityscape meets sky. Mornings. Beauty. Pure.Posted By chilimango On 11.29.2011 @ 8:21 pm
I had an epiphany to not argue with my own thought, because those are thoughts upon thoughts, which only lead to more thoughts. Step back from the thoughts. Don’t give them any energy, that’s just adding fuel to the fire. Don’t suppress the thoughts. Just gently withdraw your attention from them and let them be on their merry way.Posted By chilimango On 11.02.2011 @ 2:20 am
A castle would protect me, is the first thing I thought of. Protect me from what, exactly? Why am I so afraid, all the time? I am realizing that all of my negative emotions stem from fear. Anxiety is a part of fear. Anger justifies my fear. It’s physical. I want to lock myself up in a castle and not have to deal with anything, cold stone hallways and warm cozy beds.Posted By chilimango On 10.19.2011 @ 8:31 pm
I want to write about the word exhaustion. Because that is all I can feel.
Mutual. Symbiosis. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
I can still feel the way it makes me think. Which is normal I guess.
Mutual. Flow. Cooperation. Happiness. Serenity.Posted By chilimango On 10.18.2011 @ 4:56 pm
spring is smells of water and life of newness of freshness of rain and flowers but different rain warm rain, happy rain not cold, fall rain which is beautiful in its own way. spring is what it is it is life following death and then death follows life again no spring without winterPosted By chilimango On 10.13.2011 @ 5:11 am
I am always preoccupied. The spanish word for worried is preocupado. I’m previously occupied by whatever’s in the past or future, but never with what’s in the present. That’s what this last trip showed me. Magnifying glass. Life in HD. It makes you see yourself more clearly, and it showed me how fluid self-perceptions really are.Posted By chilimango On 09.24.2011 @ 7:13 pm
Give me another chance, he begged. It’s an old story. But not a chance this time. He wasn’t sorry. The only thing he was sorry about was not having a freeloading life anymore.
Not giving him another chance gave me the chance of a lifetime. Chance transference.Posted By chilimango On 08.28.2011 @ 7:51 pm
This job is driving me crazy she thought, as the 100th, literally 100th, person screamed at her for something that was not her fault. How is she supposed to continue being happy robot lady? This job used to be easy…and then the real work started. How is she supposed to draw boundaries and sympathize with people at the same time? A nearly impossible task, hopefully she does not end up callous and cynical.Posted By chilimango On 08.09.2011 @ 5:51 pm
her gut felt as heavy as a brick, literally and figuratively, as she thought about the day ahead of her tomorrow. how is she supposed to do this job and not let it way her down? all she says all day is no. all people do is get angry at her. and then she goes home alone, to her empty bed and empty room. her job is to get yelled at and there’s nothing to balance it out. and the whole time politeness is what matters most apparently.Posted By chilimango On 08.08.2011 @ 8:39 pm
canvases canvases. a person is a canvas an you project on them whatever bs impressions you have of them plus any judgments based on your own experience but that’s really not who they are at all. they don’t know you at all. she doesn’t know me at all. i hate it when people who are supposed to be my friends judge me.Posted By chilimango On 08.07.2011 @ 3:38 pm
bulbs of garlic are delicious. there is something so comforting about garlic. it makes me feel more stable. it smells like home.
garlic. little bulbs of hope. i want to write a sonnet for garlic. i feel bulbous for some reason.
bulbasaur is a weird pokemon. i miss pokemon. a lot. on the bus, trading cards.Posted By chilimango On 08.06.2011 @ 3:43 pm
lock it up and throw away the key. you don’t want it to hurt anyone else. you don’t want him to hurt you again. it may be tempting to have mercy but there’s no alternative. he exhausted all of the alternatives. you have to protect yourself. you have to lock him out of your life forever. and you have. and you’ve been disciplines. and I am proud of you for that. you have come so far.Posted By chilimango On 08.06.2011 @ 7:04 am
I already wrote and then something glitched. I don’t know how to manage computers. I don’t know how to manage much, but I’m learning. I’m doing much better actually, just right now I’m a mess in this very moment but I’m doing much better. I try to manage everything, sometimes I just need to let shit go. So basic yet so difficult.
Good managers are rare. In life and at work.Posted By chilimango On 08.05.2011 @ 10:42 am
oh boy, managers.
I don’t even know.
The first thing I thought of obviously is work.
My old manager was a bitch. I use that word sparingly so when I do use it you know I mean it.
She was such a bitch.
Who fires someone for playing 2 minutes of solitaire? Fuck her.
People like to manage, some people can’t manage.Posted By chilimango On 08.05.2011 @ 10:36 am
take it to the next level, that’s what we’re always told. what does that even mean? can you be level-headed and take it to the next level? Or should you take it to the next level of level-headedness? You know when you say a word over and over and it starts to sound strange, there’s a verb in russian for just that, though I don’t remember what it is. I should take my russian to the next level…Posted By chilimango On 08.03.2011 @ 7:41 pm
I wish I felt rooted but I feel like I’m just floating. I hate feeling negatively towards people I like. People are my roots, I root myself to people. Babies root. That’s something physical too but such a baby thing to do. I root. I’m a baby. I hate it when people are assholes. Who likes it when people are assholes? No one. I don’t like being ignored or belittled and I feel both right now.Posted By chilimango On 08.01.2011 @ 7:35 pm
She had wings, she swore she could physically feel them emerging from her back, she couldn’t see them but she could feel them, and she could fly. No one else could tell she was flying but she could and it was her universe. She flew everywhere she went, separate from the world, in it but not of it, on another plane entirely. She could feel her wingsPosted By chilimango On 07.31.2011 @ 6:12 pm
one step forward one step back that’s how I feel I function a lot of the time but at the same time I know the longest journey begins with a single step so if you just don’t take the step back and keep taking the steps forward you’ll get to your destination eventually steps break things down into something more manageable so you feel like you can do anything at all.Posted By chilimango On 07.30.2011 @ 4:17 pm
bandwidth, internet bandwidth makes things go faster. we wanted to start a band, we wanted to be punk rockers and cover AFI. we wanted to drink in garages and on stage and do shit we generally weren’t supposed to do, include swinging on trapezes behind sketchy apartment complexes and spraining our ankles and not telling anyone, we wanted to pretend we were from another world entirely…Posted By chilimango On 07.28.2011 @ 9:46 am
energy disappeared or energy misbalanced mental or physical or both because they are linked to ignore yourself is to ignore god and to turn yourself inside out to make yourself ill for someone else to the extent that you still physically feel it months later is a disrespect to all that created you in the first placePosted By chilimango On 07.25.2011 @ 9:20 am