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I set the charm in the catapult and hurled it as far as I could. I didn’t need that. I didn’t need the thing that brought me the horrible memories. It was cruel how powerless and weak I felt next to you. The raw feeling of not being good enough. You didn’t even notice, or if you did you didn’t seem to care. And I cared. I cared so much. I thought about you all the time. Your words were the gleams of sunlight pouring in through the cracks, and my words were the quiet sound of the wind- the sound that nobody bothered to listen to.

She was ordinary yet quirky. I watched her and smiled, she was cool. Cool, that’s all, sweet. Sweet and fresh. Soon I began to realize that you gradually became so inclined to spend time with her. When I was around I was not acknowledged, but when she was on, ha.

When she was on you talked and laughed and had fun together. My contributions to things weren’t noticed, and hers were applauded. And as I began to feel you slipping away from me, I began to witness you adoring her.

You didn’t listen to what I say without saying something against it. Your intelligence is brutally terrifying. You’re compassionate and kind and I can’t take it anymore. Your beautiful writing is dazzling. Everything you do is immensely beautiful. I can’t take your beauty anymore. I’m unable to live with this. I’m constantly the last resort, and I’m tired. I’m so tired.

Posted By Kayla On 05.20.2013 @ 5:21 pm

She signed the slip, then looked up at me. “You’re in!” I jumped up from my chair excitedly. I would have a solo. I hugged her tight before grabbing the sheet and running outside into the fresh, sunny air. i skipped down the block and didn’t stop until I got home.

Posted By Kayla On 05.19.2013 @ 7:35 am

The airstream touched my fingertips, and I slowly put my face near the opening, enjoying every moment of the cool, fresh air. I smiled and ran my hands along the side of the wall. This place was charming.

Posted By Kayla On 05.17.2013 @ 12:56 pm

I live in Staten Island, near Manhattan. Going to manhattan is simply exquisite. It’s beautiful walking around at night, seeing the pretty lights, and admiring the tall buildings. Going to manhattan is always amazing. It’s a city lover’s dream.

Posted By Kayla On 05.16.2013 @ 7:15 pm

I looked around all I could see was one box of vanilla wafers. I grabbed them and ran out the door. We were already late, but I knew if I did not bring a snack the day would feel endless. When we arrived the place seemed solemn,

Posted By Kayla On 05.22.2013 @ 11:43 pm

I chewed the wafer, it tasted sweet. I wanted something else than to be eating alone. Being alone in a restaurant with nothing but my powerful thoughts. I wanted to be talking to you and laughing hysterically and having the time of our lives.

Posted By Kayla On 05.22.2013 @ 3:23 pm

The taboo said she shouldn’t be here, but she was. And with that, she hopped over the fence and pulled up her shorts, fell into the grass and was soon fast asleep, with her notebook-and a smile on her face.

Posted By Kayla On 05.14.2013 @ 2:14 pm

She had hair a shade of auburn, it was almost a light brown. It was beautiful. Her eyes were deep and dark, and full of interest.. The type of eyes that had depth. The type of eyes that had so many layers of secrets in them, it took years to uncover all of them. Her hair glistened in the sunlight, and her eyes sparkled.

Posted By Kayla On 05.12.2013 @ 7:06 pm

She positioned the book in a celestial position, and glared at me. “Yes?” she asked. “I’m sorry I just wanted to know what book you’re reading.” I tried to be friendly. She politely asked me to go away, and I hung my head down low, and walked off, muttering about how I can’t do anything right.

But not before I caught a glimpse of what she was reading.

Posted By Kayla On 05.11.2013 @ 7:53 pm

The shadow loomed over me in the darkness, and I spun around to see it. It followed me as I tried to do everyday things. It pulled me down as I tried to rise. It was stronger than me, it was powerful and mind capturing. My voice was lost to the giant sounds of its expressions.

Posted By Kayla On 05.10.2013 @ 1:26 pm

The soap slipped my grasp, and made a loud crash in the tub. My face turned red, and I heard a muffled laugh from downstairs. “Dropped the soap huh?” I heard him call out. I smiled as I picked it up and it slipped out from my hands again. This was going to be a long night!

Posted By Kayla On 05.09.2013 @ 5:08 pm

I love drinking something called a malta. It’s almost like a non alcoholic beer, except it’s sweet and delicious. My mom and I would often sit outside on the front porch watching the sunset, drinking them, content with the world around us. It was extravagant.

Posted By Kayla On 05.07.2013 @ 2:51 pm

She told me stories, and I’d quietly listen as her fingers typed and the breeze chilled my skin. I would curl up with a book, and then find that she had messaged me or wanted to talk to me. Her stories were amazing. They made me feel as if I was in an entire different universe, and they took me away to another place. She told me stories, but they weren’t just stories. They were life lessons.

Posted By Kayla On 05.06.2013 @ 4:51 pm

Everything I say is so simplified, but the things she says are so complex yet beautiful. I’m not her though. I’m myself, and I need to learn to not compare myself to others. Her writing might bring tears to my eyes, but my writing brings tears to others, and I’m proud.

Posted By Kayla On 05.08.2013 @ 2:13 pm

Everything I say is so simplified, but the things she say are so complex yet beautiful. I’m not her though. I’m Kayla, and I need to learn to not compare myself to others. Her writing might bring tears to my eyes, but my writing brings tears to others, and I’m proud.

Posted By Kayla On 05.08.2013 @ 2:11 pm

The fire was burning brightly in the dark, starless night. There was no sign of the stars or the moon in the black expanse of sky, and the figures huddled together in the shadows fringing the pitiful circle of light. Truly, it was a night of darkness and fear.

Posted By Kayla On 05.05.2013 @ 7:49 pm

But she did have the credibility that I knew she had. And just because she spoke about me sometimes did not make it exempt from the fact that she is trustworthy. And it doesn’t change anything, because she is my best friend. And that satisfaction kept me sane.

Posted By Kayla On 05.05.2013 @ 9:14 am

After all this, I do hope you still have the credibility that I’ve known you for. I hope it wasn’t true, maybe this all was a crazy dream. I need you though, and I need you to realize that when these sick people bring me down, I can’t brush it off. And I need you to let me show you what she said, so you can tell me it isn’t true, and that I can trust you.

I need that. I do.

Posted By Kayla On 05.04.2013 @ 6:48 pm

She gave it a good rating, and that made me so happy. I felt as if I had accomplished something, making her feel like my work was worthy and good. I was so happy, that I even sang a little song and smiled as I walked down to the kitchen, the sun beating down on my refreshed face as I poured myself a bowl of cereal.

Posted By Kayla On 05.03.2013 @ 1:18 pm

Suddenly you told me you loved me, and all my problems dissolved. I was with you, you accepted me, and I was wrong, you do care. And in that moment, it was like the pieces came together. It was absolutely gorgeous.

Posted By Kayla On 05.02.2013 @ 2:10 pm

She felt like her heart was about to dissolve right out of her chest at that very moment. Nothing would ever be ok again.

Posted By Kayla On 05.01.2013 @ 10:03 pm

Ensue is a nice word. I ensue everything that happens around me. The people around me influence it too, but it is mostly me, because this is my life.

Posted By Kayla On 05.01.2013 @ 2:00 pm

i have no idea what ensue means

Posted By kayla On 05.01.2013 @ 1:51 pm

Ensue was the word for yesterday, but I’m going to take time writing something today, much more than 60 seconds because I need to let my thoughts escape.

I’m not sure what ensues the things that happen in my life. All I know is that it hurts. I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself, but I think there is more to that at this point. It is excruciating being the second option to people. It’s horrid feeling like I don’t make a difference to anyone at all. It’s fatiguing waiting for something that’s never going to happen.

This girl… Her hair is beautiful, her eyes are big and brown and full of interest. She’s so awkward it’s cute. When she writes, the words fit together like pieces into place. When she makes a point, it is correct and people agree with her. When she says something casual, it ends up being hilarious. When she has to argue, she tells people off in the classiest away. When she talks to people, they listen. She’s loved in a way that’s precious. I love her.

I don’t think anyone can be as good as her. And the fact that I’m here being myself is pure hell. It’s so hard to not compare myself to others, they are all around me, and life is full of competition. And just knowing that I’m only okay at what I love to do because of her, makes it worse. Why must she be so exciting, intellectual, intriguing, and so much more? Why does she have to be so amazing, yet humble? Why does she have to know so much? Why does she have to be so mature it’s scary? Why do people adore her? I adore her.

Take a while back for example, here is how it went. I sat alone feeling slightly happy, it had been a good day. I happened to see a girl. Her hair was long and straight, she had a nice figure, she was everything I try to be. My day completely changed into an awful one.

If I were to describe myself, it would go something like this:

I have long, frizzy curly hair. I have green/hazel eyes. I don’t have any pleasing features, in fact I have thick eyebrows and a natural “girl peach fuzz.” (If you’re going to put it in a nicer term than other things) I have a weird body, it’s not cute and curvy, nor thin. It’s gross and awkward and sort of in between those types of bodies.

Nothing about me is special in any way. I’m bland and uninteresting. I’m the second choice to those around me. I’m not good at the things I enjoy, in fact I get teased because of them.

All of these things ensue the pain I receive everyday. These are the reasons that this is occurring. I would love to change them, but I can’t. I’m done beating myself up over this, I’m just finished with everything. I don’t belong here, and I feel awful for dragging people into this.

Posted By Kayla On 05.01.2013 @ 1:48 pm

It is my over thinking that ensues my pain. It is entirely my fault, and the fact that I can’t help but be this way is torture. I need you to save me, but you’ve already done all you can. It is up to me now do untie myself from this tight knot that I’ve been stuck in. And if I can’t win, the fight is over and I will be finished.

Posted By Kayla On 04.30.2013 @ 3:54 pm

I couldn’t believe we were enemies. We couldn’t be. You were my everything. You were the one I would talk to about my enemies. Now you were one, so I couldn’t reach for my phone and pour my heart out to you. I had used you up, you were all dried out from my pointless issues. You were finished with me, and you wanted her.

Posted By Kayla On 04.29.2013 @ 5:52 pm

Clasp was the word for yesterday. I cannot fathom how this could have possibly occurred. I was so mad that I flipped my desk over in a fit of rage. This was sickening.

Posted By Kayla On 04.28.2013 @ 5:31 pm

She fixed the clasp on my costume, and gave me a hug before saying the words “I believe in you.” I smiled with tears in my eyes as I walked onto the stage. I stood there for a moment until the music went on. I felt my problems slip away as I danced. Nothing mattered anymore but me on stage. I finished, bowed, and the audience clapped. I ran into her arms as I laughed and put my head in her shoulder. “You were brilliant,” she says.

Posted By Kayla On 04.27.2013 @ 5:56 pm

The moment you said that, it was if I had been electrocuted. I froze there, not feeling anything, and then I started to feel. I started to feel too much. I started panicking, and I prayed that this wasn’t real. I couldn’t do this, I was panic stricken and sick with emotions. I didn’t know what to do or feel, all I knew was that I was forced to feel these things.

Posted By Kayla On 04.26.2013 @ 1:37 pm

I walked out of the bowling alley, I was done trying to have a good time. Soon I began running as if running for my life. I was done. I went home and cried. I was done being the last option to you when she was around. I was done with you loving her but only liking me, and when she was around I was nothing to you. This is the last I’m asking you this. Put my name at the TOP of your list,

Posted By Kayla On 04.25.2013 @ 4:56 pm