Entries By me
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Sometimes, when everyone is asleep, and the world seems to have calmed down for a moment, I feel like the entire universe consists only of my little room. Arrogant, I know. This feeling is usually good, but also frequently unbearable. Despite this, I often find myself wondering, if I never go to sleep, will morning still come? Would the sun still rise? Would I once again find myself wishing I had the power to pause everything so I could go back to sleep without losing precious being time? Or maybe, just maybe, would not the earth beneath my feet slow to a halt and take a break from its busy life spent hurtling through space at a truly incredible speed? I digress. So I turn on a Hank Williams album and pretend that this obsession does not make me a country music fan while I wait for sleep to reach into my brain and shush it. I would tell you that it listens, but then I would have even less than the flimsy excuse for my nonsensical dream I have now. In the end, I am a terribly normal strange creature with delusions of grandeur who is in denial about where I stand on country music. And that is tiring.Posted By Me On 04.18.2013 @ 12:18 am
I am a creature of habit.
I tend to make the same mistakes. I tend to fall into old routines. I tend to be socially inept because of habit, not because of a lack of understanding.
I tend to dream. I tend to make plans. I tend to want a lot and get only a little.
I want to be a free creature, but I am slave to my habits.Posted By Me On 04.17.2013 @ 11:41 am
Halfway through my trip, I smiled, happy to finally be out of my hometown and on my way to my apartment in New York. Being twenty-three and being able to afford an apartment by myself in New York was very satisfying.
I turned up the radio and began singing along, not caring if I knew the words or not. I was out of that little town and on my way to the big city! Just as I got to the chorus, my car shuddered.
Dingdingding. Engine light.
I coasted over to the side of the highway as my car turned off. On my own for the first time. Damn it.Posted By Me On 02.22.2013 @ 6:24 pm
His features are carved in stone. Mine are made of play-doh.
Why would he be interested in me?
When he smiles, it’s a little bit difficult to breathe. I always thought that was founded in hyperbole and myth.
I have been so guarded these past few years. I got my heart broken by my best friend of half my life. And I thought I’d never get past it. And then he shows up.
It still hurts, but not nearly as bad as it used to. And I smile at the thought of him.
I like him. How terrifying.Posted By Me On 01.31.2013 @ 11:51 am
Some people have called me musical.
I play ukulele and guitar. Plus a little bit of piano. I have performed at various restaurants, music festivals, and grand openings for the last 5 years or so. I have written 136 songs. I have won talent shows. Everyone and their grandma say I should go on American Idol. I don’t want that. I just want to play music, even if I’m just busking.
But none of this compares to the way he says my name.Posted By Me On 01.24.2013 @ 10:45 am
politicians? ah! people used to think so highly of them in times of great ideals and times of honesty and principles, but nowadays… we all know that all they are is poor dumbasses and shmugs who are sort of actors set up on the stage to pretend like they are doing an actual job, but all they really do is participate in a game. they are so narrow-minded, they care for nothing else but saving their own asses, and that is how i think they are pathetic. i don’t know whether i should feel disgusted by them or whether i should pity them. in the end, i know that they live life best, because they really don;t care about other people, but i don’t know… i don’t really want to be like them, because their life has no meaning. life led only as a sort of a play has no purpose, no end. And i’d rather stay with my own feelings.Posted By Me On 01.10.2013 @ 1:18 am
is a lot of bullshit i hate procudure i wouldn’t follow it if god came down and kicked me in the ass with his big brown hairy foot. Well unless it was to save my life or you know make things safer actually i’d do anything god told me so yeah i like procedure it should bPosted By me On 12.24.2012 @ 10:57 pm
It is typical procedure to grow up.
Turn 18. Get a job. Move out. Move on. Be mature. Pay your bills on time. Get married. have kids. Be satisfied and not at all scared.
Time is moving fast than I expected.
I was never the child who talked about how much they wanted to be grown up. I did not pretend to be twenty. I have never said “I can’t wait to move out.”
Now that the time is fast approaching, I am scared and surprised.
But I have you. And we shall be excellent. We shall be, quite simply, the very best there ever was. You are my best friend.
I can do this. We can do this.
I can’t wait to move out.Posted By Me On 12.24.2012 @ 4:49 pm
I was curious as to what my word would be. Knows? KNOWS? God knows all. Maybe. Does God exist? Does anyone know all? I don’t think so. Then they probably would have died because the world is probably quite horrible. I imagine it’d be hard to know everything and still be happy. Like Sherlock. But he didn’t know, he deduced. Knowledge is a curse. I know that first hand.Posted By Me On 12.22.2012 @ 7:23 pm
That is not a game.
THIS is a game.
I don’t care about Monopoly, or Sorry!, or Connect Four, or Racko, or Risk, or Settlers of Catan (OK, I kind of care about that one).
This is a game. You, me, and a deck of cards. Both of us lying and telling the truth and trying to figure out which is which.
All’s fair in poker, love, and war.
And this game involves at least two of those.Posted By Me On 12.18.2012 @ 12:13 pm
In due time.
I am tired of waiting. So very tired. But I can’t sleep. A few hours of unconsciousness, not sleep.
I have hope. More than most people have, in fact. But I am still so scared.
I’ve been staying in bed, saying I’m sick, which is true and a lie I am not physically ill. I am sick inside.
In due time, things will improve. But it’s hard to wait.Posted By Me On 12.17.2012 @ 10:57 am
You just have to be patient, love.
I have seen so many girls, just a few years older than I, rush into marriage, pregnant, and under 20. I don’t understand it.
Except when I’m around you. All I want right now is you. You make me feel so happy. You don’t turn me into a babbling idiot. I can breathe around you. A couple butterflies, but nothing too bad. I just love talking to you. I could spend hours getting to know you even better.
And I want to hold you. Just give you a hug. If more were allowed, I would probably take it.
But it’s a bad idea. Oh, it’s a really bad idea. I am more than my desires, you are smarter than that. I would never want to push this too far. And I don’t say anything because there’s nothing we can do right now anyway. I don’t even know it you feel the same way.
All I can think is, “Please don’t screw this up. Be patient. I hope I don’t screw this up.”
But it’s not easy, waiting for you.Posted By Me On 12.13.2012 @ 2:12 pm