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I am getting older, but I’m still trying. I am swimming through dark waters, something mysterious, this world after college where I am struggling for money or food or direction in my life. Where will I end up? Who will I be? And the overlying question: Why don’t I already know.

Posted By somedays On 12.20.2010 @ 4:27 pm

I lick it and it tastes tangy, the little stamp sticking to my pink fingers as i press it down onto a crinkled white envelope. I wonder if I’ll be able to send this letter since my hands are already shaking and I can picture the scribbled words on the page, can even see some of them through the thin envelope I have slipped it into. Everything is on this paper, and I wonder, wonder, wonder what you will think, what you will read, what you will see.

Posted By somedays On 12.13.2010 @ 2:23 pm

I am so small, so white, my fur is like air, hardly anything beneath your fingers. i look up at you and you are enormous, you tower over me, I am in your shadow. I am afraid. I feel constantly afraid, wanting to escape, to run, to be free of this moment or this life or this world. I am running, my ears, my fur, the wind blowing past in a rush, and I want only to escape, a larger creature, a threat, or maybe just you. as long as I can escape, escape, escape.

Posted By somedays On 12.02.2010 @ 3:44 pm

I would transport myself anywhere. Close my eyes, whoosh, transport. Be gone, be away, be nothing. Be independent from you. But I worry that my old dreams of escaping are never going to work now. That if I really ended up transporting myself to another place I would only end up missing you, and, missing myself. You are so much more to me than I ever expected, and if I were to dissapear and be gone from you I don’t know what would be left of me.

Posted By somedays On 12.01.2010 @ 3:57 pm

everything is blurry. the sounds, the smells. i see some ducks in the water in the distance, looking peaceful, and i step towards them, wading slowly into the cool lake water, ignoring the smell or the silent wind blowing by. they look peaceful. i feel dizzy, remembering the harsh vodka i’d been drinking. i waded further. i wanted to touch them, i wanted to swim, i didnt want to be on land anymore.

Posted By somedays On 11.17.2010 @ 2:26 pm

He wanted it so badly. He wanted the feeling of the ranch, the quietness, the feeling of the horses nuzzling his hands or the bulls roaming. He could taste the warm, thick texas air and he could see the mud on his boots. But then he looked around, in the suit he had on and the business office he was in, and sighed.

Posted By somedays On 11.16.2010 @ 4:05 pm

I am certain that when we’re lying next to each other, and you’re looking at me and I’m looking at you, that this is what everything was leading up to, all those times of failure or times of success, or times of looking or times of waiting, I am certain that they brought me here, to you, to be holding you, looking at you, and calling you mine.

Posted By somedays On 11.11.2010 @ 2:54 pm

I want to be more than average. I want to be something, anything, that isn’t average. But I feel often that I am going nowhere, that everything I do is not above or below, that I am skimming across the surface of the “average” line and am doing nothing, saying nothing, to stop it or get better. I worry that years will pass and nothing will change, nothing will be gained, and i will be nothing more than the person standing next to me.

Posted By somedays On 11.10.2010 @ 9:12 am

She’d never felt so lousy. The couch was soft but her back ached. She was surrounded by tissues creased and used and sprinkled around her like flowers. She was coughing and the last of cough drops lingered around her teeth. She’d never felt so sick, and suddenly she felt herself wishing, after so many years of pushing her away, that there was someone who would care enough to come take care of her.

Posted By somedays On 11.09.2010 @ 11:09 am

I was a reader, and that was all I knew. Maybe I couldn’t talk to people normally, couldn’t carry a conversation or be funny or witty or headstrong. But i could read, I could open up a book and be inside it, breathe it, in a way that many other people could not understand. I could see the words and become them, wrapped in them, and be taken away into a world that I was not, could never, be in. Maybe I was awkward, plain, whatever. But I was a reader. If nothing else, I had that.

Posted By somedays On 11.08.2010 @ 9:06 am

I am packing this kit of everything I know. Little things, things that mean nothing to you, or anyone, but are tiny pieces of the life I used to have. It’s time to put them away, to keep them here, hidden or maybe treasured at the same time. I don’t want to see them, to remember you, and so I will store them in this little box with little memories, put it under my bed and close my eyes and wish, wish you away.

Posted By somedays On 11.05.2010 @ 9:28 am

I stared at him and he stared at me. It didn’t seem so long ago that we hardly noticed each other’s presence, and now he seemed everywhere, his eyes haunting me. I felt like he’d won everything I’d ever wanted, or craved, or tasted. It was all his now. She was his now. And I would never let go, would never forget.

Posted By somedays On 11.04.2010 @ 11:05 am

She takes a drink of the elixir and it is cool, silvery, slippery down her throat. She closes her eyes and tries not to let the panic settle in. She can feel it twirling down to her stomache, etching into the crooks in her body. It settles there. She has never felt so alive. Her eyes open, surprised, as it starts to burn.

Posted By somedays On 11.03.2010 @ 8:53 am

I stepped out onto the stage and stared out at all the faces. I could hear my breath in my ears, so loud against the hum of the audience and the light in my eyes. My face burned; i had never felt so hot. This is your time to ruin everything, I thought. This is where it ends. I stepped forward, moving to the music, feel wrong, feeling achiness in my limbs, feeling that everything was wrong, ugly, over. I should never have come, never have danced.

Posted By somedays On 11.01.2010 @ 3:35 pm