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something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

Dear you,

We live together now. It has been great so far, except for those moments when you make me feel it’d be best to eradicate myself from existence.

You know, I always, ALWAYS, am ecstatic to take you out and show you off. I state to the world: ”Here ye, here ye, see my love!” and I feel content that you are mine and no one else’s- even when you are inebriated and make a spectacle out of yourself. Even then, without qualms or dismays, I still love you and continue to build up the shrine I’ve put you on.

However, it’s times like these when I wonder if you actually value that or if you even actually feel the same as I do.

You see, I can’t make a spectacle out of myself for even one night without having to face repercussions the next morning.

It’s outrageous! It’s not equal, it’s not fair.

I’m not allowed to intoxicate and release but you are? I’m not allowed to get away with it the following morning and wake up to your tenderness, but you are?

What makes you and I so different? As far as I’m concerned, we are both in our 20’s, we both like to be young and free and careless and that is actually what brought us together.

Why the change now?

I hope you figure it out and map it out for me when you figure it out- I’ve had it with trying to understand your erratic train of thought.

Love,
Me

Dear you,

I’m glad we are as close as we are.

I love the way the corners of your mouth rise when you look at me. Not a conscious smile, but, an inevitable one.

I love that we can talk about everything and anything. You are a good listener and an interesting speaker. Your point of view is so refreshingly different from mine.

Time spent with you is a breath of fresh air.

But, dear, dear you. Although you seem presently unable to admit it, our journey is about to change.

I’m sure you felt it was kind, saying you love me like a brother. But, my feelings toward you do not reflect those of a sibling.

We are in interesting territory now.

Our relationship has crossed over the border of ’friendship’, and yet, you seem unwilling to enter the territory of ’couple’. I simply can not remain in No Man’s Land at length.

I say we continue onward and march bravely into new territory.

Yet you hesitate, allowing uncertainty and fear to hold you back. You have been, as yet, unable to acknowledge that we are at a crossroads at all. You are happy with the way things are and are afraid of change. I am also happy, although your uncertainty saddens.

What I want is you. I want you all to myself. It’s probably selfish, but, it’s already unfair.

I am already yours.

There are two things I do not want. I do not want to lose you, but, worse still, I do not want to coerce you. I don’t want to carry on without you and I do not want to carry you.

If you want me, choose me.

I will take the next step alone. I will be waiting one step into the new territory. I will beckon. I will wait patiently and woo you into my arms once more.

I will not force you to join me. I will not beg. I will simply do my utmost to win you over.

I will not force this issue ever again. If you retreat away from me, I’ll acquiesce and do the same. If you advance, I’ll advance with you.

The choice is yours.

Love,
Me.

I look upon my memories of the day and wonder, could I have done something to change it? Could I have made a difference?

He left a note on the lamppost, wrapped with a bit of graphite, squeezed carefully into a minuscule capsule. He had written his name. He had taken nothing but adrenaline, glanced around like a criminal, that smooth satisfaction returning. Plugs the magnet back under the ”push button to activate walk signal”, saunters off.