afragilesmile
In life, we are passed down a torch from one generation to the next. We pass along our traditions, our histories, our tiny traits that make our people OUR people. But sometimes, that torch goes out and your link to the past is extinguished. My future lost its history the day my mother died.
A crane kick? Really? A crane kick? That's the unstoppable move. A take down. A counter punch. Waiting. All of these would have stopped the crane kick. But it worked. Damn it worked.
I've been lusting over this girl for almost two years now. Two years? She knows I'm alive. I think she even knows that I like her. Does she know how much? I don't know. Fuck, I don't even know. She's honestly the just the most beautiful girl I've ever met, and even more surprisingly, she might even be the coolest.
God Damn you half-Japanese Girls.
History is a really interesting thing because it's always written from the point of view of the victor. You never get to hear the loser's side of the story. They might have fought hard, but the winner always to gets to write history; often neglecting elements of the truth.
I can't predict what's going to happen to me in the next few years. It all seems to be falling apart, slowly, but surely. I know it's falling apart, but I don't seem to be trying to keep it all together, or, better yet, rebuild and fix the damages. I'm giving up when I know I shouldn't. I need to try, but I'm far too scared.
I held her in my hands one last time.
She told me she loved me.
I told her that I loved her.
She died a short while after that.
That was 9 months ago.
I still love her and I always will.
My beliefs are always wobbly. There are times where I'm certain, but I often change my mind... Back and forth, back to back, and further back from where I started.
I went to school in Toronto. I live in the suburbs. It was one of the happiest times in my life - driving from my house to the train station and taking the train to the big city and having somewhere to go. I miss it. I miss them. I was full of hope. And ever since it ended, well, I guess I've been hopeless.
I'm unhappy with my station in life, but the truth is I'm unable to get out of it. I don't want to. I'm afraid to try because... well, I don't know why. I look at where I am, I'm sad about it, but I don't know what to do to make it better. Day by day, it just gets harder and it feels like I'm getting further and further away from the greatest I can achieve.
I embraced the fact that my mother is gone today. I'm really starting to take that feeling in that she's gone and I will never ever see her again. But it's more than the fact that I will never see her again. I miss her. But it just wasn't fair that she was taken from me, from all of us before it was her time. It just wasn't fair.
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