aldila
maybe it's the way the sun filters in through the warped pane, how it refracts shards of blue and green and grey and gold through iridescent eyes, becoming windows themselves. or maybe it's the way my hypersensitive fingertips slide along the creamy skin of your back, playing the lines as when you caress piano keys. or maybe something entirely different.
i find myself in a perpetual state of contentment these days. especially today.
it's quite alarming
and entirely glorious.
i’m a liar
i’m a thief
i’m a shadow
i’m a weirdo
i’m a puppet
i’m a hypocrite
i’m a nightmare
i’m an idiot
i’m a lunatic
i’m a bitch
i’m a waste of space
i am not worth it
i am no good for you
i am certain you’ll find true happiness elsewhere, in your new life
i am starting to lose hope again
and you
maybe these will help.
maybe not.
probably not.
i take them anyway.
my heart wrenched at the sight of him, her. them. though pain has never been a stranger to me - rather, my constant companion these past twenty years - i was not prepared for the sudden convulsion of anguish that seized my chest, the pulsing of blood in my left temple. yes, while it is true that pain has been a cruel friend of a sort, he had decided now of all times to unleash his full depravity on my unsuspecting humanity.
and in that moment, i realized how wrong i was for thinking that the heart was capable of withstanding such torture.
light dark light, things happen that way. we made sweet love moments (years?) ago. and today i slipped into a hurricane. our (extra)ordinary infinite?
it broke.
(can i still lean on you?)