amandapea
I shouldnt have been listening to them more intently when they were being bothered. When they were being disturbed by the caress of another hand. Morals, forgive me.
im on this train. im not insane. i let you you come on with me. caress me. undress me. its my fault that now were together. and the train is off the tracks. and im falling.. and i can see that your hand isnt out to catch me. and im needing. broken and bleeding. you're just watching, blankly and without care. i chose this for myself. i chose this for myself.
what a word to start with. its exactly how i felt today as a matter of fact. I like this guy, see, and we talk on most days, he's really someone i've grown to like. And over spring break we went maybe about three days without talking at all.. and i did find it strange. So come today, when i see him in the parking lot of my church, with no one else around (mind you), he sees me walking towards the entrance, glances at me, then kept walking. Talk about a puzzling devastating moment. The man, that you really like and care for, acting so unimpressed and unmoved by your presence. Literally broke my heart. Can't say i know what to think about it, quite honestly. I just know it has left me so unglued, upset, confused and ......puzzled.
Totally wishing i knew how to control my thoughts about you. Im constantly on over drive wondering what you could be doing and what your thinking about, and if those thoughts could possibly be about me. I dont know why im so addicted. I feed off the sound of your voice when we talk on the phone. im at ease when i know you've had me on your mind. Im happy when you text me. But. Despite all that has just been previously written, i do not know why the hell i like you so much..
Remake the splattlered heart, into a mended, tender one. After all that was said. After all that was done, you, tarnished my solidity, my center was elsewhere. No meals were the same. No sleep was enjoyed. For every lonely night, i cried in remembrence of how soft your skin felt when i lay against it; us laying together, we were like puzzle pieces, cuddling the worries away. And now its all gone. Everything. The deep laughs and soul to soul conversations about our pasts and inklings for the future. Gone. And all because you found, or thought you had found, someone better.
lucky that the air i breathe goes down so smooth. and the essence of me breathing relaxes my body into somber eloquence, rather than the moody uptight teenager that i am. Im lucky that when i walk, my legs move with me. And that i control where they go, cause the destination was destined in the quartiles of my mind and the by the desire of my heart. In an instant, i could change my mind and my desire would be to go elsewhere, and because of these legs that im so greatful for, i am able to do so. Its funny how me being blessed with lungs that know how to inhale rich oxygen; legs that tred the earth because they are indeed, good legs; in accordance with fate and destiny from the heavens, i was able to find you, and meet you, and know you. Talk to you and laugh. Walk with you and play. With out my lungs, and without my legs.. i wouldnt get far. i would be no where. i would never have met you. i would have never sang songs, or danced dances. Screamed out all the emotions inside of me, or jogged. Nothing would be great, But i guess it would be bland. Bland because the very spice of all that is life, is movement. In order to move you need air; the breath of life. In order to live, you need to be alive. And for this very fact, i am indeed, lucky.