amimee
I just didn't have the energry to deal with the sulks today. It had been a long week. To be honest, it had been a long year. And the sulks always happened on a friday, when he'd realised he wouldn't be able to drink. tonight though, there was drink and I had no energy to argue.
Well, as the saying goes - don't put the cart before the horse, but here he found himself doing just that. He was making decisions and not even thinking about the impact, the fall out the decisions would have. And then wondering why all around him was falling apart and just not making sense.
Placing the shovel in its place, he smirked as he thought of the conversation earlier in the evening. "what was the difference between a spade and a shovel?". Well, words let to a bit of a heated debate, and then the next thing he knew
That's all he was to her - a clown. He had tried to win her over, her friendship, but his constant fumbling and second-guessing meant that his words just wouldn't come out in the right order. She dismissed him for the fumbler that he was. And he couldn't blame her.
It really wasn't a good system, in fact it was quite unhealthy. But, it was her choice to bottle it all in and hope that time would allow her to forget and perhaps even move on.
As she sat in the sagging armchair that she'd had all her married life, Vanessa glanced out the window to see the magnolia tree start to blossom. she didn't think she'd be around for it again, and yet her she was.
We all need to roll up our sleeves, she called out. the water was coming in from so many directions - the floor, the ceiling, through the cracks in the window. The whole thing was quite hopeless, but while she thought she could save them, roll up their sleeves they did. Until they drew their last breath.
She likes to prepare her outfit the night before. It kept her feeling in control. the same way she kept her room, neat, orderly, and in control. Her outfit was laid out carefully on her chair, her shoes under it so as not to appear messy.
Trying hard to stay positive, to transform myself from the cranky angry teeth-clenching hag I've become, to the normal person I think I once was. Maybe this is the new me, post-transformation that I didn't even ask for.
Sometimes I find it difficult to navigate my way through this life. There's chaos and mayhem around every corner. But what would the alternative be - boredom, sameness and nothing. What's that old saying - life wasn't meant to be easy..
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