beni
His name was Wil and he had all the power...That was a long time ago...today...he still does!!
I'm staring at this screen and seeing the blue line running and I know I will run out of time but I have no willpower to do anything to change the outcome. I'm ready.
why is it so easy for you, to not care ...you dismiss me as you would dismiss a child that is being naughty for not following the rules, what rules must I follow so I wont feel this way....do you not care? I know that you do, you walk away but your quick to run back to me ....why do you dismiss my claim to your love when with every other gesture your offering it to me...are you afraid that one day it will be me that dismissed your claim to my heart, and walk away once and for all....are your afraid my love.
How long has it been, long time right...and I still mourn your loss not the loss of Death but I guess that would been more kind, I mourn the loss of your indifference, of your total lack of caring. I remember the reason why you left but I don't know the reason for the indifference, the unkindness. I know it make it easier on you....Last time you called very recently as a matter of fact, you wanted to talk to me you needed to talk to me, you could not take it anymore it had been very hard last couple of years and you just needed to hear my voice you send me a song because that has always been your way....I cried in the deepest recess of my heart because I can not allow my feelings to surface my loss has been great only the sound of the falling water know how hard I have cried and how hard I had to swallow the tears so I can come out and show my make believe smile and keep inside all the pain and all the hurt I still feel inside of me. When I close my eyes I can still see how your smile made me smile...how it always made me feel not in a sensual way, but just deep in the core of my being...You are my love and you will always be...My loss is great, I lost me but worse of all I lost you.
I have lived a solid 51 years and I have tried to learn from different people from all walks of life and I find that I just don't get it, I still don't have a clue to what my life is all about.
I did not ask for it why do you give it to me, how do you know I want it
writing since 2011 · 6 entries · 5 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Beni showed up.
1longest streak
5days written
0entries / week
the words Beni reaches for
losshardsmilelovedismissmournindifferencereasontalkcriedheartgreatinsidelostcarerules