brutalbrenna
I am afraid he will slip out of my hands like a bar of soap does. Most times it feels like we are solid, and that nothing will change. But I get scared. People come and go so easily, flickering in and out of your life, and I don't want that for us. I want to be the consistency for him that everyone deserves.
i think that i need to simplify things. everything feels so complicated and i let myself feel so trapped you know? but really if i think about what matters to me there are few things. i shouldn't be so afraid all the time. i shouldn't be so attached to material things. my future kids won't want the toys i played with as a kid. they won't want to see these things. and i can't hold on to them. people dont want coloring pages and i shouldn't hold on to things that make me unhappy. if i look at things more simply then maybe i'd be happy.
she felt like she failed him, like she failed everyone. she reached into her hiding place and pulled out the boxcutter. she yanked off her bracelets to uncover her wrist and pressed the blade to it. she drew lines all across her skin, smiling at the blood beading along the wounds. her vision was blurred by tears and it felt like she was choking, but at the same time she was calming down. cutting always gave her some relief from the grief. she knew it was a filthy habit, and promised herself yet again that this was the last time as she poured peroxide on her arm and watched it bubble.
him and i have such a history together. we've been together for oh so long, and have so many memories. he's my first kiss, first date, almost my first everything. he's kept me on the right track, helped me stop hurting myself and starving, he's kept me doing well in school. he's helped me with home problems. and i've helped him with things too. i love him to death, but sometimes it just seems we're falling apart.
we're all made up of cells. it's the building blocks of life. cells together, her cells, his cells, make something new. that's a magical thing. my cells want to jump out of my into you. they want to be part of perfection. they go wild at your touch, splitting and dividing making new cells. more and more so there's more of me to love you.
I can't predict how everything will turn out. I worry that you'll leave, get tired of me, realize that I'm not as great as it's though. It's scary trusting someone, giving them your all. It's easier to have doors and talk to them through a window. But sometimes people knock down your walls and you're left so unprotected, in new territory. I don't like to let people in and yet, here you are knocking down my walls and opening my doors. Without my walls to protect me, I feel so easy to break, like a fragile glass statue standing in the middle of the room among the rubble. I'm scared and worried, someone save me.