CaramalizedLife
Turn around, and you would enter a world with no sounds. Instead a salient hum, a tinker of acceptance and a break from a world which spouts meaningless words attempting to make meaning. Dictionaries can never define words and serve their purpose. What is love? What is hate? What are all these emotions reserved for individuals? Coming into a world without sound solidifies meaning into the undefined. And this building of silence is deafening and defining.
The roast was happening far away, on the other side of the street and I was here. Attempting. Trying to make dues end. The air was silent and pallid, my fingers harsh and without the caress of the sun. I smell the roast on, even from back here. Silent, basking in my misery as somewhat of a temptation to diverge me from my stability. Thrust me into social environment that I longed for, needed. But the world keeps you working and slashes you with criticism on being an introvert locked and wishing you were in the roast. The radio was at low buzz and I was drained. I wish I was in the roast.
It begins like this.
A memory a silence, a frown and a disappointing downcast look which wraps me around in a blanket glistened with shame and caution.
Recent-not really- a life time taken away-with that frown. That awful frown. And I don't love it, nor hate it as it tears me down and builds me up.
Being an instigator was like being an instant alligator. It means that you must act swiftly but smartly at the same time. I was always the instigator of situations, the ring leader, the mastermind so I was a reptile in a way. Sometimes I just want to close and submerge myself in water and hide from what people expect me to be.
I see so much just by sitting on the watchtower by the bay. I sometimes wonder what would lie ahead, what was beyond and contentment just wasn't an option for me. It's always like that, isn't it? Nothing is every enough, but maybe that's good. Maybe that's how we achieve so much. I watch so many people from here and I sometimes wonder how it would be like to be them, to not be me. It's a very melancholic thought but it's amazing.