china

china

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brisk

Fuming, I went for a brisk walk. I could barely handle myself anymore, let alone that room full of assholes. I was stupid to expect a peaceful day, and even stupider not to bring a jacket.

"Shit. SHIT." It wasn't good enough. I balled up yet another sheet of paper and chucked it so hard that one side of it flattened before landing in the trash. I wasn't good enough.

pines

It's another restless night. I'm here, you're there. I'm writing awful poems about you and how wonderful it could be to love you and you're out being normal somewhere not pining over a girl who'll never love you.

I looked away as tears slowly fell down her cheeks. I hated these moments. In these moments, the bitter details of life are all apparent in her eyes as she tries to pretend she's not broken. I hated these moments.

Fuck. You weren't supposed to see me like this. Hold on, let me get cleaned up. See? All better now, right? Hey, don't look at me like that. Y-you know I didn't want this, I didn't mean it. Please, don't go. Please, come back.

Do not run from me. I am not him. I can be tender. I can control these hands, itching for adventure. I am not him.

I try to be an upright citizen. I pay taxes, pick up after my dog, I even give someone else the parking space that I'm significantly closer to. So why do I feel so empty?

With a slight of his hand, he ended her life so quickly. So easily. If only I should be so lucky to have the same fate.

flip

Flip-flop, back and forth, just like you do. You sit there, wearing a smile on your face. Paint yourself as the innocent one. We see who you are. You're a scumbag. A dirty little fuck who thrives on the pain of others. You fucking suck.

There was some oily residue on the bottom of the table. She pulled her hand back in disgust. "Ew, what is that?" "I don't know." He never knew anything. He knew his cards, he knew his drinks, but he didn't know anything else. Except maybe how to ruin a house.

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writing since 2011 · 24 entries · 24 days shown up

each square is a day—lit means china showed up.

3longest streak

24days written

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on this day 15 years ago

china wrote about account
“I account for any of this. How did this happen? I can't find a reason to smile, to stay safe, to live. I'll weakly fake a smile and barely cover my scars and stand on the ledge hoping I'll accidental…”

the words china reaches for

hoverlovenowsqueezetryingsmileaveragehatedspacesalthopingpushlovedmomentsheldsweet