cosmicsynonyms
I scanned the words
of one of my last posts.
It was about my sister.
I forgot how i used to think about her
with rage red and hot
now my feelings towards her have cooled
and hardened a bit
i no longer fear her
I pity her and love her,
at a far, far distance,
where her words and actions lose their sting.
Ride a tandem,
how,
when there's no one around?
pull yourself up by your bootstraps
they said
but what happens
when you can't ride the bike
by yourself?
we shouldn't
define ourselves by our hardships
but what we do in the face of them
said a wise man
but it's hard to be righteous
in the face of violence
it can make you go against
your own creed
the nature of your soul
am i not to be proud
of standing up for myself
when no one else did
even if it was wrong?
should i have instead
as the one i was named after
demurely taken my punishment
that i never deserved?
thinking of hardships
will make you hard
but you can't forget
what happened
how you felt
so let them define me
as petty malevolent and mad
even when i was
so brave temperate and sad
She never meant to harm she says
she was harmed she says
but the bruises on my cheeks
filled my soul with empty grey?
I harmed her she says
she was harmed she says
tell that to my diary,
is it filled with lies or is she?
I'm the crazy one she says
she was harmed she says
who can i believe
her words or my memories?
You're the crazy one i whisper
i was harmed I whisper
she was crazy and she harmed
I was harmed and made crazy
she was harmed she said
no i said
You
Harmed
Me.
You Cut out her heart
Put it on a string
She was your puppet
From the very beginning
You could've been nicer
But you were always drunk
Your numb mind couldn't decipher
That she'd been sunk
You were too conceited
To see through the facade
So her,you treated ,
As if she could withstand all
You knew it was wrong
That She deserved better
But that didnt stop you
From breaking her forever
Yeah you strung her along
Not looking at the cracks
On her abused heart
And all over that mask
You thought she'd let you go
But she holds on to that string
Newsflash:
She's not as strong as you'd think
Do not try to find me
Beneath the trees' shadows,
hidden from your screaming wind,
i am covered by angels
protected from your cold and sin.
Do not try to find me
In these days warm and sunny
I am below the earth
the dirt and bedrock protects me
from your laughter and mocking mirth
Do not try to find me
here or anywhere,
any day or night,
this world is who renounced me
I am hiding from your spite
Do not try to find me,
as if you even care
I know the truth and I know you
you only pretend,
and that's unfair.
Sisterhood
is a bond
of the womb
you are not
my sister
we share blood
(blood that you spilled)
but you never
treated me like a sister
to you i was:
a nuisance
a game
you paid attention to me
when it was convenient for you
well, here's what i say:
you're a nuisance
i won't be a part of your game
and if you try
to spill my blood again
well,
sister-dear,
I'm going to finally
fight back
not even shared blood
can save you now
because the water of the womb
cannot quench my hatred
of you
my heart is shattered,
she is gone.
she had been mine
for so long.
all good things
must come to an end,
but i never thought
i'd lose my best friend.
through thirteen years
her soul adhered
to mine own;
now i can't stand
to be alone.
her great brown eyes
haunt my dreams.
my soul is ripping
at its seams.
but i lay her down,
and closed her eyes,
kissed her on the cheek,
and said goodbye.
her soft face
was hardened in death,
as I buried her,
covered in sweat.
but still she haunts
my daily life,
i see her in
the corner of my eye.
(she is smiling,
and wagging her tail,
and she says, I miss you
but I'm happier here)
I can feel it in the air
like that strange calm
before the storm.
something's going to happen, he says.
no duh, a storm.
no, he says, something more
a disaster, he says
that's specific.
he frowns,
just pretend, please.
Fine. a giant turtle will eat all the grass in the entire world
he scoffs,
no. more like
an apocalypse,
when everyone
in the world
will hold their breath
as that feeling overcomes them
because they know
something
will happen and it
will be bad
and nothing will
ever be the same.
yes, like a storm.
A worldwide storm? nothing ever the same?
yes.
you're impossible.
Curtains blowing in the breeze,
Footprints in the sand.
you cannot go on in life,
so it is largely unplanned:
you'll gracefully cast yourself
Into the silent, dark ocean.
there'll be little commotion,
soon overtaken by everlasting peace,
as you lie upon the water
floating past this disease.
to do this you were compelled:
to end the anxiety,
so the water will make your body swell,
and unrecognizable you'll be,
but swallow down the salty tears,
because you'll finally be free.
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