cube
I'm afraid and intrigued with the thought of getting married. But when I think about getting married to you i'm not so scared anymore. I think about us going some where semi-far away and we'd live in a dumpy little apartment and furnish the entire thing with furniture from yard sales and urban outfitters and we could cook eggs in the morning and have coffee in the evening and wouldn't it spectacular.
There are a lot of riots going on right now. And maybe it isn't technically a riot but people are unhappy and lots are getting hurt. This is local and it can't be ignored and it's scary. The thought of people being hurt and the thought of changing the world are just massive thoughts that can't be contained. You can't stop us.
I remember waking up and 7 am and just being still with you. It was cold outside and the air bit the triangle of thigh not covered by blanket. It was grey and the night had gone away despite our wishes and kisses but the morning had still come. I wanted to stay and be still with you until everything in the world stopped.
I always wanted to be an artist. I wanted to grow up and go to art school in some fabulous place like New York and live in a dumpy little apartment and have a hip boyfriend and just life an artistic life. I wanted my life to be a work of art, one that everyone would look upon and just say "shit, I wish I was an art student."
Shepherd. Like sheep? That's what i've always thought of it as. When teachers realized that I couldn't pay attention in classes they told my mom who would always say "herd your sheep into your little pen" and the sheep were like my thoughts and the pen was like my brain and I was the Shepherd working to keep myself in line day after day after day.
When I saw you it was automatic. Knowing I wanted to know you, to be involved with you. The sudden realization of that was set from the beginning. You didn't know who I was but I knew who you were, I thought we'd only be friends. But over time I grew to love you and know you and then you liked me too and loved me too and here we are. You, my automatic.
I have never felt more awake since June 16th. It was on June 16th that I saw the goodness of people. This summer you taught me to be awake, you taught me to be alive, you taught me how to live, how to be dangerous. You've awakened me to a new world where i'm with you and things are good and what's right works out most of the time and it's just so amazing. And It's because of you that I have never felt more awake. Don't wake me up; I'm not dreaming.
You will never understand the amount of comfort that you give to me. When I was scared and what we were doing was new, only a week ago, you sat with me in the dark and held me and stroked my had and all I could think about was how i"d never felt more safe and now I couldn't have been happier and how There was really no place like home and for now home was in your arms. It was all I wanted.
radical is the kind of life I want to lead. I don't want to stay here my entire life i don't want to be here my entire life. Everyone says that this place is one of the most radical around but really when you're here all the time for all these years and all these minutes just fall down the drain it really takes away from the excitement. You want to keep me here in the next three years but i'm leaving.
i wish i could relate to you more. all of these one words have been about you even though there's only been two and really maybe that's just because you're on my mind all of the time an t's all i think about. I wish I was older and applying to colleges and 17 and you were 18 and you were bigger than me and we could go to college together next year and take more classes together and i'd understand the stress that you're under a whole lot better than i do now.
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writing since 2011 · 13 entries · 12 days shown up
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