danduhman1
The buses' windshield was a wet foggy blur, kaleidoscopic my journey into night. I hadn't slept for three days, but there was still an hour left before I arrived in Brooklyn. I was driving this church bus down what must have been the darkest stretch of road in all of New York City, you couldn't even call it a city street, it was just a road. I heard a popping sound, and felt pieces of glass cut my shoulder. I couldn't stop, but I couldn't look away from the road for more an a microsecond. When I glanced over out of reflex, I thought the kaleidoscope lens jumped from the windshield to behind my eyes, because what I saw was abstract. Abstract in the way the Aztecs looked out at the ocean one day and something looked especially abstract about the sea. The Aztecs had no concept of a Spanish ship, so they did not even perceive it. It was the passenger seat that something had popped and shot at me. The lights were off inside the bus, and most everyone was asleep. I looked over again for a microsecond, the passenger was a young woman, teenager maybe. When I realized that one of her eyes were spilling out like a broken egg yoke I also realized my own shock was going to get everyone killed. She put a hand-mirror up to her face, something made it violently shatter, a piece of the glass pierced her left eye. A pickup artist once told me to always look a woman in her left eye, he said the left eye was the gateway to the soul. He was right. What haunts me to this day is she didn't make a sound, the only sound was that pop. I don't know how it even happened. I pulled over the bus as soon as possible, and the rain hit all around us in this calm, womb-like way, nestling us. I just sat there, nobody knew what had happened. One person woke up and looked straight into my rear view mirror, and when I looked back at him he knew that silently I was asking him for help. The guy looked like my Dad, i mean, he didn't look just like my Dad, but, his eyes did. I padded my bleeding shoulder, my cut was nothing. I couldn't look at her. What the fuck happened. She was seating right next to the door too, if I wanted to run away from this moment I'd have to get closer to it. I wanted to go to the back of the bus and sit next to the man who looked like my Dad and cry while he held me by my adrenaline soaked shoulders. But that didn't happen. I knew I had to get up and say something. 'There's been an accident.', Was what I was going to say. But the scariest part was, I didn't want to wake everyone. Except for the one guy, everybody was asleep. I wanted to let them sleep. I wanted to be the only one who saw it. I wanted to go back and say, "Dad, I don't know what happened." With the most profoundly lost and horrifically confused voice. I got up to say what needed to be said, to everyone. I started out with, "Folks, excuse me, folks." God help me. I didn't know what to say next, there was no explaining what happened, I didn't even know what happened. The truth is, I tried to say the next words, whatever they were, and everyone was waking up real slowly. I was choking and my mouth was piercingly dry, the way it gets when you're about to cry or something. When I got everyone's eyes on me, tears rolled down my face and I said through my teeth and now wet lips, "This woman has been hurt." Then I got a brilliant idea that only came to me at that very moment. "Is anyone here a doctor?" I said, with my hands up in a plea for help. The guy who looked like my Dad stood up. He walked through the aisle and put some glasses on as he stepped passed me. He was about to kneel down to the woman to check her pulse maybe, but when he got a look at her eye, he squinted his, and his glasses enlarged the look he had, increased it for everyone. But only I was looking, and suddenly he didn't look like my Dad anymore. He looked at me with a face that can only be described as desperate. "What happened?" He said breathlessly. "I don't know." I said, and started crying as hard as the rain was. "I don't know."
I don't think I ever will.
God almighty smite that ignorant asshole in apartment 3. I left him my key for emergencies, and you know what happens, I come home one night and there he is, sitting in my chair, with my face on, watching MY tv.
I knew that anything I said would only be used to prove my lack of humanity. The deepest and truest song in my heart would only breathe more heat into the fire.
Once you've been labeled non-human, everything you say is only a mechanical imitation of the humanity of others. There's only two things I can do now to prove what I am: I can let them see me bleed, lay down and die, that's what they want... Or, I can take up arms against them, outsmart and outwit them at every turn. Crush their pride and show them that everything they know is a lie, and when they see in their heart of hearts the works that I have done, they will break, they will be the ones who want to die... And when they are begging at my feet, I'll show them the mercy they could never show me.
the sun went down with them, taken away, all of it gone, i only wish i could have understood what happened, saw the patterns for what they were like a dots to connect. have it all spelled out so i could understand
As I eat away at the young lady she tasted like battery acid. Why. Why. Why. I don't know why. I watch jewish holocaust movies then I cry.
Carl, grab the radiator and throw it in the trunk with the battery and the ham sandwiches. Tonight I'm going to make you come over and over and over until you bust down the middle. Doesn't that sound fun Carl? Doesn't that sound swell?
... Holding a tranny's hand on the subway. Eating an orange Popsicle while the air is hot like waves coming up like animal heat in waves and wiggles. Prodding, poking, provoking and soaking me clear and completely. ...
Holding a tranny's hand on the subway. Eating an orange Popsicle while the air is hot like waves coming up like animal heat in waves and wiggles. Prodding, poking, provoking and soaking me clear and completelyA.
You like me, you really like me!
What a fucking cunt. I hear the words on the tippy-tip of her powdered lips.
Yes, we like you. We didn't choose to.
TIGHTER THAN YOU WANATED BUT GOOD ENOUG TO HOLD FOR SURE, FOR SURE. iF HEY TOLD ME HOW MUCH IT WOULD HURT, i WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT, BUT JUST BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T DO SOMETHING, DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T WORTH IT. aND BELIEVE YOU ME, THIS, IS A ONCE IN A LIFTETIME CHANCE BUDDY, THIS IS THE END, THIS IS THE BEGINNING, THIS IS....
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writing since 2011 · 40 entries · 34 days shown up
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