disorderly
Half way there. Too cute by half. Half caf, decaf. Half pint.
short fuses step softly. often attached to unstable explosives. you never know when they will blow, only that you will be in the way, try to be small and not get noticed, hide away from the short short fuses.
The savage moods swing back and forth. I sit and stare at walls while inside a storm tears apart my soul, eating at my heart, disabling my brain.
Celebrate the pain, the loss. Enjoy knowing it will all be gone.
Offer to stay, offer to ignore the need for surgery. What is it about me that would compel me to offer to reschedule an important surgery? I am terrified.
Beneath the umbrella I look out at a different world. I am dry, warm. The world outside so dark and wet. Reaching out an arm I feel the freezing drops on my hand.
I've the sinking feeling we've grown apart. When did you grow up, become a woman? Last I remember you were that 3 year old in a tub of bubbles making hairdos with the soap and singing "Baby Baluga". And now? Oh god.
Every thought is poison. You're not good enough. You will fail at this. Everyone thinks you're weak now. Poison that eats at my muscles and weakens me further whether they are true or not.
"You will be missed" they said, three days ago. Now they crowd around the bar and tell the same old stories. You are not a part of the tales now anymore than you were while you lived here. So many years wasted trying to measure up to a measurement that never mattered.
As i chewed the small piece of steak I noticed it tasted really good. All the adults were watching me intently. After a minute my mom asked, "Do you like it?" I nodded. They hooted laughter and yelled "It's DEER NECK!"
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writing since 2010 · 58 entries · 58 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Disorderly showed up.
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the words Disorderly reaches for
pillswakesuccessnowsoulraggedneedlessummerdrainhateleanhalfblotchespaindifferentmean