falon
I'm not sure what to call us.
We're in between strangers and friends.
You always smile at me when we pass;
We always make eye-contact from across a room -
What am I supposed to think of that?
Am I just supposed to wait until
We either come together -
Or fall apart?
I know nothing lasts forever.
But I thought we'd last a little longer.
I know now that I could never love either of them; at least, not in the way they wanted. How could I love someone that intimately, that deeply, that purely, when the love was not even mine to give away? How could I totally commit myself to one person when I wasn’t even my own? My very appearance, thoughts, emotions, ideas, were all borrowed from the original, and I was one mere print in a sea of copies.
I saw him weep then. And, strangely, it was one of the most beautiful things I've witnessed.
He shed not a tear, and at first glance it would seem that his face was barren and void of emotion. But that was not true.
He seemed to crumple in on himself as he collapsed against the wall. All the pain and grief was reflected in his eyes. In that moment, his soul carried the grief of a lifetime.
But as he placed his head in his hands, his shoulders stayed strong and broad, not heaving with sobs. And after a moment, he stood again, collected himself and walked the other way.
“Do you know what it was like, being trapped in your mind and secluded from the world?” Chas whispered. “Getting tortured every day in your unconscious? To have acid rain down on your head until your skin was burnt off and your very bones showed through, and then wake up and realize you weren’t dead? Or to be drowned multiple times in your dreams until you no longer can take a shower without vomiting? To watch someone you love die a thousand different times in a thousand different ways every time you close your eyes? Do you know what it’s like to fear sleep and crave death instead?" he drops his gaze, his voice a low growl. "No, you know nothing about it. So don’t judge me as if you do.”
"The world is in chaos," Chas says. "I saw the destruction and desolation with my own eyes - no life for miles. Who knows how long it continues on for? It could go on forever - we may be the only ones left."
"No," I say, my hands shaking. "I'm not staying here. Anything is better than this hell."
He grabs my shoulders, his fingernails cutting into my skin. "Listen to me!" he says sharply. "There's nothing left for us out there! The world is broken, and I think a part of me shattered with it. I can't go back," he lets me go and rocks suddenly back and forth, a wild look in his eyes. "Please, don't make me go back."
Have you ever sat and considered
The constellations freckled on your forearm
Or the galaxies reflected in your eyes?
They really are quite brilliant.
I feel like you're casting me away,
And so I feel like leaving you be.
But I really don't want to,
So give me a reason not to.
Where do I begin?
Shall I start out soft and slow?
Ease my way until you're comfortable,
And then start from there?
Or shall I catapult my way into your life?
Forcing myself upon you until you notice;
Until you know me;
Until you care.
I think I like the thought of you,
Or us,
Or who we could be together.
Of course, I’m just guessing
Because I don’t really know you –
But I’d like to,
I just don’t know how to begin.
And that’s what bothers me the most.
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writing since 2012 · 56 entries · 54 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Abbey showed up.
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the words Abbey reaches for
eyesfacewordssmilehandsbehindlovevoiceeitherhandtopclosehellsaintdonenglish