forgivemedear
My fingers shake as I reach into the small cardboard box. With these next few moments I will pollute my airways. Just as you polluted my heart. Addictive and necessary, a chemical my mind can’t resist. You circulate through my veins, slowly eroding away at my ability to breath. My heart pounds a little faster when I hear your voice, and my mind races. I know you’re bad for me. The taste you leave in my mouth, while wanted, is unpleasant. I can feel your breathing pushing against mine in the night. I get up and go outside again, looking to escape your presence. The cool summer breeze is fresher then the scent of you, left, still lingering, on my skin. Acrid as the smoke left on my teeth and clothes. The resemblance is uncanny. You’re bad for me and I know it. I think through ways to erase you from my life as my hands twitch, flick, light, and I take a drag from the last cigarette in my pack. I consider the day when the pack of love you have for me runs out. I inhale. Soon, it will be that day. All too soon.
She missed him, she missed having someone to care for her, someone to worry about her, someone to love her. He was always telling her not to drink and not to do drugs and defiantly not to smoke. But he didn't want her anymore. She had lost him. As the smoke curled up into the air she laughed. 'Would you love me now?'
I know I shouldn’t want to hold your hand. I know I shouldn’t want to be in your arms. I know I shouldn’t want you. I blame my traitorous heart. It seems intent upon my destruction. Give me a box and I’ll wrap it up and top it with a bow. It will be my gift to you, it’s no good to me anymore.