gadaboutmj
I can't decide what I want more. For the world to see me as I really am or for the world to quit trying to see me because I don't like who I really am. I've asked myself over and over again, can I change? Will I change? Should I change? I wear hoodies to hide what I don't like, some days that even includes pulling up the hood. There is comfort in anonymity and security in invisibility. Maybe someday that will change and I will be proud of all that is me. For now, I'll stay in my hood.
Take a chance one me. Life is risky. I'll make it worth the risk. Make a friend out of me. Friends are important. The importance of love in our lives is infinite. Love me. Let us be infinite together.
"We must be swift as the coursing river. With all the force of a great typhoon. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."
The makers of 'Mulan' considers this all that is needed to be a man. So why is it so hard for some people to believe, that I AM a man.
My entire life I have been forced into boxes. Society says, "You get this label and that means you act this way. Don't try to go against it. Don't be yourself. This is your only option. You are being forced."
Everything you do is done with such force. Can't you just trying be gentle for once? Can't you just think of something as delicate. Don't storm through life with an entire force field around you. Stop and look at the small things. The things you are forcing away. There is beauty in them.
He forced. That's what made all the difference. Forced. They say that nobody can make you do anything. And he didn't. He forced me too. He didn't leave me an option. He didn't get inside my head. He didn't suggest something. I never had a chance to agree. I did not agree. He forced.
Poison. Is what flows through my veins. My blood is being replaced with it. I come in repeatedly to voluntarily have this done. I'm poisoning myself. The poison makes my hair fall out. Makes me vomit. Makes me tired. Sounds crazy doesn't it. I don't really have a choice. If I don't do it. I die.
I've missed a lot in life. I've missed a lover lost. I've missed an opportunity. I have notifications for missed calls. I guess I shouldn't dwell on the things missed but in the things ahead. I missed someone but at least I had someone to miss.