JaneDoee
The scenery i have on mind is a thin, cold violet sky. But the horizon that i gaze upon is an early summer sunrise. The orange rays slowly wake onto my eyes, clipping the houses ahead. "Ahh summer at last" I think to myself. "Its finally here." I go back to this same time, last year. And remember you. The sun in your hazel stare, and hands soft around mine.
How you held me tight in your arms and watched me as i said goodbye to the sun.
Oh, how i dreaded summers end. How i dreaded the return of that eerie crisp wind.
I remember the last time i saw the sun in your eyes, and felt the grasp of your hands. I remember the coldness i felt when your arms weren't there to hold me and how alone i felt when even the sun left.
Cause you were my summer. And when summer left, you had as well.
In the wooden stalls behind me are filled with displeased children in suits and briefcases. The judges seat risen high. His face covered in white chalk and cheeks dabbed with red rose cream. Lips blackened with paint and wig filled with the fake white curls. The jury's faces masked as rabbits and phillies. With a room filled with only silence, their strictened eyes carried upon me, scream.
Gavel pounded and glances towards the judge " The defendant, found guilty on all charges and is sentenced to a painful eternity filled with lies and heartbreak." No applause, the children rip off their suits and drop their suitcases and carry on outside the metal door. The jury walk orderly through the hidden door, and the judge just sits to admire me.
And soon my heart will be caged and drowned with everything I've deserved.
The house i grew to adore, and happily call it my home. My safe haven. The house with floors so speck polished, and stair banister shining silver all the way down. A house you consider movie-like prestige. No blemish of the raw furniture around, spic and span they say. And the fragrance of cherry blossom fields on a spring day filled the air.
But the house that i reside my anxious being is burned crisp. Floors carrying the ashes of objects that once meant something. The banister melted away, and furniture in dusted quantities. The aroma of pity and burnt wood i dare not to inhale.
He's finally arrived. Signaling me to come outside and join him, he knocks on the splintered door. His subtle gesture, echos the empty space in which is all that remains. I rush, but try to seem not so frantic that its time. How should i answer? Act cool, act displeased, act ready? Ready. That's exactly what i am, have been for the long hours of waiting.
He says no words, but smiles. Takes my hand and kisses it with gentleness. And begins to carry it until opening my door and leading me in.
Heading off, but not into a sunset.
Stepping into the shower, the water begins to gently peddle my closed eyes. Looking down i watch as the pretty red follows down the drain. More blood than water, it makes me feel as if i just brutally murdered someone.
The water burns my fresh cuts. The burning sensation throughout most of my body, pleasures me. Glancing down again, just clear liquid runs down.
I sit on the wet floor. Legs bundled against my chest, I use my joined arms to carry myself tightly together. With my face buried in i begin to focus on the the way the water flows around my naked skin.
I slowly slip away. Peacefully in my own disturbed solitaire. Free from the haunting thoughts waiting for me outside the door. Away from the tormenting illusions and demeaning voices ready to devour me. Safe from the dark depression that imprisons me.
Breathing feels too easy, and momentary serenity rushes my veins. Maybe even slight delight.
Then i'm awoken by the pounding on the door signaling my placidity is over. And the dream i was so captive in is now my sick reality. I'm forced back into the world ready to destroy me all over again.
There's a savage dragon within the walls of my flesh undermine. Throbbing , throbbing, throbbing from inside! His running fire burning through my veins. Unheard roars breaking through the brittle barriers. And day by day his cries are louder, but yet no one can hear. One day his voice will no more breathe the flames, burning his vehement soul out. The cave around will bury him. And i too, shall perish .
There's a savage dragon within the walls of my flesh undermine. Throbbing , throbbing, throbbing from inside! His running fire burning through my veins. Unheard roars breaking through the brittle barriers. And day by day his cries are louder, but yet no one can hear. One day his voice will no more breathe the flames, burning his vehement soul out. The cave around will bury around him. And i will die with him.
"How are you?" He said with a small warm smile. How are you; The gesture we all know, but the answer we will never be able to figure out. My mind traces down the long list of answers:
Sorrowed.
Depressed.
Not well.
Insane.
Lost.
Hopeless.
Empty.
Scared.
Worthless.
Saddened.
Meaningless.
Broken.
Little.
Alone.
Stressed.
Weak.
" Oh I'm fine." Carried with a smile like his. But mine is just a beautiful lie covering the true disappointment. And i still think to myself how bizarre it is that i'm everything else. How it's so easy to deceive everyone and even yourself. . And how everything else is hidden behind a fake smile and guilty conscious
You continue so effortlessly to lie to me. And with every word my heart swells. Like harmful little honey bees. And with each lie proclaimed, your stinger stabs. And the pain of poison slows down the process of every beat. And soon this flower will be out of the sweet taste of honey you so much crave. Killing the flower one petal at a time. You love me. You love me not.
It beats with a thud in my chest, then vibrating the blood in my veins. It starts hurting to breathe. And the oxygen in my lungs are suffocating.
Every time you hurt me, My heart swells. Your lies like poison bees. And when you deceive me, it starts to sting. Soon the flower will be out of honey, and my heart will be bitter and cold.
When you're just a little girl, you already have your mind set on the fake reality of finding your true love, Moving into a cozy home where all the houses on the block have green glass and pretty little yellow daisies, and you'd have little ones. While you read your book and daddy reads his newspaper they run around acting like little superheros.
But then they grow up, and they suffer from the hate in their hearts and lies of the world. And their once known youth is gone. So when something dark does happen, there won't be superheros.
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writing since 2012 · 34 entries · 25 days shown up
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