justjillian
The shampoo stung my eyes, forcing me to close them. I opened up my bottle of body wash and I squished the soap throughout my puffer blindly. I deeply inhaled the intoxicating scent and I was thrown into a memory. I was back in Kansas.. I wasn't in my bathroom anymore, I was back up in Kansas, in my best friends bathroom. I was so close to him that I couldn't help but feel happy. As I washed my body I continued to roam my memory. He and I never met when I was up there, but I knew we both wanted to see each other badly. I let my imagination take over and I let my mind roam over what could have happened if he had come down. What he would have said, and how he would have smelled. I couldn't exactly imagine these things. It was very hard because since we have never met before, I wouldn't know what had happened had we met that week. But the memory of Kansas itself was comforting and he was just another thing that made me happy, that took me away from all of the trouble that I was being faced with at home. The danger of my mothers ex-boyfriend and how crazed he was, the anger that was radiating off of myself and others towards this horrible man. It's amazing how just a scent can throw me back to how I felt during Spring Break, how close I felt to him while I was there, even though at the same time he was still quite far from me. I went from being 26 hours away from him to being only 6 hours away in the squeeze of my puffer. I scrubbed my neck still letting my mind take over me, then I discovered that I was finished.. I rinsed my face, and tried to get the soap out, my imagination adventure was over this time. I wondered if the scent would have the same affect on me as it did this time again. Being blasted back to my past, feeling very near to where he was. Having that feeling of wanting to just run up to him and see him even if it's for a short while. I hoped I'd have the memory blast back again, because just being moved by my imagination to a closer place.. Made me happy, in just the squeeze of a soap bottle, and some shampoo getting in my eyes.
I know it's quite silly, to think you've been abandoned or forgotten. I've felt that way every so often but I always think about it after a few minutes and then come up with, I'm never forgotten.. I'm one of those kinds of people that aren't easily forgotten, so I don't think that I should really think I'm forgotten, abandoned, or alone. Because if I look at the facts, I have a ton of people there with me and that are on my side and willing to help me through any of the tough times I go through. But it'll all be okay, I'm not forgotten, I'm not abandoned. I'm not alone. Especially now, now more than ever I should know that I do have people with me and people that care, and that's all that matters.
It's kind of sad, you know? Back when I was a freshman no one really knew about it. But now that I'm graduating from high school it seems to be all the rage! I remember back when no one would read the Twilight books purely because they seemed boring. I remember waiting weeks for the newest book to come out, now, they are releasing Eclipse, as a movie and everyone is going to see it. It's gotten to the point to where everyone's really obsessed with this series. I guess in a way it's okay that I'm willing to passively accept my friends being completely obsessed with Twilight, even though it's not my thing anymore. I guess trends come and go every year. Sooner or later Twilight will have run it's course and no one will even care about it anymore.
I winced; Just as he had broke the news to me, his words were so powerful and so full of hurt that it felt as if he was carving deep into my chest and pulling out my heart. I feel this way a lot of the time when he does cer tain things. Just that deep feel ing that my heart is slowly break ing right in front of his eyes and he doesn’t even know it. The only one that knows the pain that I have inside of myself is me. I couldn’t believe what he had done and how badly he had hurt me. I don’t want that look any more, I don’t want to love him any more. Every time I think about just how much I love him, it brings tears to my eyes, because I know there is a pain deep within me that he would never ever see, or ever comprehend.
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