laurawhitney
i just left. i needed to escape. the pain was too much for me.
I drop the phone. I can't believe it. Not my Adam, not the Adam I talked to just last night. It can't be.
I feel hands on my shoulder, and I know. I know they aren't his hands. I knew his hands. Every line, every contour. These hands are rough. They pick me up and carry me like a child. Suddenly the rain stops and it's warm. I have a blanket over me and I hear people talking in the background.
"What happened?"
"I'm not sure, I just looked outside and she was rolling around in the mud screaming."
"Oh no."
Their voices start to fade away, and I try to keep my eyes open but I'm so, so tired. They close, and I drift off.
He was standing outside, facing the house, with slouched shoulders and a sad face. He stared, I couldn't help myself. I needed to go outside. I threw the door open, and ran into the rain. My feet created small craters in the soaked grass of the front yard. I was getting closer and closer to him, I could feel his warm touch, smell his clean scent. I slipped on the grass and fell to my knees, spraying mud all over the place. I looked up, hoping to see him standing in front of me, smiling like he used to, but all I could see was the raindrops drowning me. I was drowning in my sadness and guilt, and I missed him so much that I couldn't breathe. By then I was drenched, my tears mixing together with the rain going down my cheek. I stood, feeling like he was really there, he was just playing a trick on me. I felt like I would turn around and he'd be there, laughing about my recklessness. But when I turned, all I found was more emptiness. All I found was more sorrow.
writing since 2011 · 6 entries · 4 days shown up
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outsidehandshouserainheartstoodfacingstandingopengrasscloserwarmkneesmuddrowningadam