leyashbrown
if i knew for sure, it'd be so much easier.
faith will just have to do.
i love you.
just as i had loved failed pasts.
but it's different?
make it different.
Amen.
there's no ticket that i could buy to get out of here.
i'm trapped, stuck-- whatever you want to call it.
i honestly don't know what to do anymore...
keep going?
what good would it bring?
: poverty, depression, a failed life.
my only "ticket" is encased lead, powder and a promise...
to get me where i'm going.
the way he looked at me immediately made me begin daydreaming...
where we would get married
how many kids we'd have...
then--
i saw how he looked at Violet.
every plan that i created in my head
became like the rest..
no longer plausible.
but everytime i see that smile toward me
i think about he and i...
and of course, Violet.
the Lord is my rock..
with me eternally.
my faith's as strong as His love...
nothing can bend His celestial restraint.
but if you happen to throw a stick--
or perhaps a stone...
all will be lost.
i was expecting something more...
after my delicate touch below his T-shirt sleeve
touching bare skin.
a friendly laugh,
a smile.
anything.
only a hug.
a single arm around my back, onto my furthest shoulder--
and a pat.
and then another.
"i need someone like you"
that "like" will forever be in its place.
"if you see her, tell her to give me a call..." he said jokingly, breaking the faint pause.
i shouldn't have expected anything different.
she was the only person to claim that maroon was her favorite color
blue? no
red? no
maroon.
i could search the world with all of the time it possessed,
and i'd never be able to find another like her.
the maroon within her mind contrasts nicely with the emerald hue of the heavens.
she always cared about the looks of things.
she'll never have to worry about anything being dull...
wondering consists of whether or not Jesus likes gladiolas,
or an accented wall painted maroon.
but for now, she's merely in bed.
the sound was different than most anything else
and not even remotely close to being "me"
but it described myself absolutely perfectly.
don't tell anyone.
nature's hat-racks.
i got a stuffed-animal reindeer, but...
it looks more like a moose.
it took me FOREVER to think of a name for him.
until i was almost asleep one night...
Moose-alini
trepidation is only a safety net.
it lingers daily...
it asphyxiates every aspect of peace within my life
pulls me away.
but if every minute is planned
not another second will be filled with failure.
only the time it takes to create the plan
the anxiousness
the stress
is when i feel as if i've failed myself.
is pre-meditated failure more acceptable--
than accidental?
people can't see what i do to myself,
leaving no room for judgement...
only room for constant dolor.
every cell... a mistake.
but to him, it's embraced.
carried out...
she thinks he rests with the thought of her in his very hand,
saying,
"maybe she'll be of something."
she realizes, everyone's every cell is a mistake.
makes, but isn't.
He holds her, points..
"you--of Me-- created this."
every inch of all that is you, is Me.
"I, child... am not a mistake.
although I am not made of what you are, you are made of me."
Love is no accident.
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