mibbi
Well I kept hoping I'd wake up and find it was all a drea, but no: the six foot long inflatable banana sat like a indictment in the corner of my room.
That glaring desperate yellow stabbed my aching head and scorched my bleary eyes.
Not only had I slurringly bid £2000 I would now have to find for that monster, but I had also propsitioned my boss - in front of his boyfriend. Death seemed too good for me that morning.
My god! What the **** has happened to you?
Wha-what do you mean?
You're covered in purple and orand pustules - no in fact they're far more blotch-like.
Multicoloured blotches?
Techno-blotches, previously unknown to science. What have you been up to?
Well...you know the kind of stuff I'm into...
TOO well, man.
It's the aliens. Those damn aliens in Cabot circus? I think I'm definitely pregnant.
Oh man, we all know that. Wrote about it yesterday. Freakhead pervy alien daddy!
Sob.
So I said to him, like, this space ship has just landed in Cabot Circus?
And he was like, really? I've been feeling weird all day - kind of sick and bloated, you know?
And I was like, either you're pregnant with an alien baby or they're watching you specially, man. Like they KNOW the kinda stuff you're into!
And he threw down his icecream, whipped out his phone and called the **** police!
I was only ragging him, how was I to know he couldn't hack that kinda ****?
All I want is to bury him in a respectable manner! I loved him...
You asked me to help get rid of the body and I'm doing it. What do you want, aftercare and a ******** warranty?
For the amount I'm paying you that wouldn't be unreasonable, Cedric....
Don't ***** call me that!
You know there's a zoo near here. Did you ever see the movie Goodfellas?
No...
They fed the dead guy to the lions....
That would be one ****** of a send-off, wouldn't it, Marjorie!
I can think of none better. Come on - let's get that hamster back into the glovebox!
Nothing succeeds like success, Stuart told himself. He straightened his tie, dusted down his new Paul Smith suit and stepped out through the doors. The heat hit him as though it was something solid.
We looked up as he came into the warm garden and all burst out laughing. "Sucker" giggled Mike, his naked skin glowing as he passed me the bong.
You allow it to happen to yourself.
Deal with the childhood shit - yes we all have it - and then build your cathedral from the inside out - and don't forget to dedicate it to the most important person in your life. Yeah that's right - YOU!
When you have that much going on it will be a matter of indifference whether people choose to enter beyond the facade or whether they just see the thuggy guy with a shit job standing on the door, or whatever it is that you don't like about yourself - again we all have it.
Look forward to spending time with yourself doing whatever it is that gets you going and soon people will be queuing to get in on it. Just remember to give them the benefit of the doubt - you're safe now.
I won't be able to write anything about this.
Hey! Wait!
I didn't mean it like that...............
Cannon fire. Not the lightest way to wage war. Then again it's even worse these days.
We are all told we should all do our best to avoid conflict (espcecially we doormen - we have to do a course on it).
If world leaders (who let's face it are a lot better paid) can't manage something that is expected of mere bouncers, they should be obliged to tickle each other mercilessly with long feathers until someone submits.
Actually, this might work on a Saturday night too. Shall I try it?
A type writer was once one of the main ways we had to convey our ideas and communicate with each other. Nowadays we have many more ways to do this. But does this mean we're saying more? Or better?
I wld like 2 argue tht ths is not the cayse...
Well at first it was like that cheesy old song - I'm sticking with you?
Oh right. And did she stick?
To begin with. Then it became clear she was making a horrible mistake. He was a typcial Brit - got messy drunk once too often and she chucked him out. Went off with the dustman instead.
Gree....
No gree about it. Turns out he was just making some cash before going back to France. He's a ski instructor in the winter.
Wow...
I know. To quote another cheesy old song, tall and tan and young and lovely! Well anyway she speaks fluent French these days and they're expecting their first child together!
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