Mya-Freeman
Someone knocks at the door. A visitor. I wonder who it could be. Maybe it's my mother who is visiting to tell me she is actually a lesbian and has decided to elope with her French lover to Vegas. Or maybe it's my father to tell me I'm adopted and I'm actually royalty. Or maybe it's some that works for the government to tell me they've decided that I would be the perfect CIA agent. Maybe I won the lottery. It could be anyone really. There are so many possibilities that I'm starting to feel a headache coming on, better just open the door and get it over with, the visitor is getting impatient and is knocking harder.
I smile put my hand on the knob and just for a moment take in the moment, anyone could be at the other side of this door, my long lost sister, an alien, a time-traveler. Though probably not.
I open it. It's the mailman.
As I hide my disappointed expression with a forced smile I accept the newspaper and as I close the door God chuckles because he's the only one who knows that that mailman is my future husband, Gerald. A Great man that I love with all my heart and appreciate far more than I ever would appreciate a Martian.
Speak. Talk. Tell him! It was natural, there was nothing wrong with it. He could love him and tell him so. There was nothing wrong about it after all.
But no matter how 'right' it was there would still be a lump in my throat as I told him. My lips would still be parched and my voice would still be wobbly and my hands would still be wringing and my forehead would continue sweating.
But I still spoke. I still told him.
You're ahead of me. At the beginning I was the one ahead, and you were the one miles behind struggling to catch up. But before i knew it you're suddenly in front of me sprinting off at the speed of light like it's nothing, leaving me behind in the dust. And suddenly I'm lonely and I miss you and I realize that your unique as Hell and there'll never be anyone that'll ever compare to you and so I try my hardest. i run for all I'm worth. And thought I'll never be ahead of you again, I'm content to walk beside you, hand in hand.
You just have to APPLY yourself and you can achieve great things. You can become a doctor, a scientist, or maybe even a CEO! You can do things thousands of people have done before! You can be dimly remembered as that rich, lonely guy that never smiles. Don't you want that? You should dedicate all your time to studying and working hard and kissing ass so that you can claw your way to the top! You definitely shouldn't become what you dream to be - be it an artist, writer or gardener. You should be successful and unhappy instead of the other way around. That way you'll have money; money may not be able to buy you happiness but what is happiness anyways?
I say that I love you. You say that you love me more. I say it's impossible for anybody, including you, to love anybody as much as I love you. And thus ensues one of the most pointless, ridiculous fights in the history of mankind. That fact didn't make either of us any less mad.
"If your love for me were an ocean, your love for me would be a rain drop in comparison with my love for you!"
"If your love for me were the Sahara dessert, your love for me would be a grain of sand in comparison with my love for you!"
"If your love for me were a great red wood, your love for me would be a sapling in comparison with my love for you!"
And so on we went for hours, barely restraining our smiles and unable to stop holding each other's hands.
Speak up! Make your words heard! Let people know your defiance and stand tall. Let them know that you don't give a shit about what they think is proper and correct and your better than them! You have you OWN opinion and meanings so you BETTER make use of them instead of falling into the same old patterns and becoming NOTHING!
If you have an opinion tell the truth shamelessly, in fact state your opinion with pride because you even HAVE your own opinions.
I never cried. i didn't cry when i fell down and scraped my knee. i didn't cry when I fell out the apple tree and broke my arm. I didn't cry when my big sister whispered to me behind our parents turned backs what Buddy going to the farm to live with our distant aunt forever really meant. I didn't cry when grandma died. I didn't cry when my big sister and my parents died in a car accident.
Not once did I cry. Because I know that if I start I won't be able to stop.
And you told me that you were sick of me. You told me that I was clingy and annoying. You ditched me.
And somehow this was so much worse than my family's death. So much worse than excruciating pain.
I just sat there uncomprehendingly at my bed for hours after you'd left. And then the first tear I could ever remember slipped out of eye. Soon followed by another. And another. And before I knew it, it was like a dam had burst. I couldn't stop.
I didn't know what was happening. The oddest thing was happening. For some reason my eyes and face itched and burned like hell and I seemed to be sweating from my face a terribly lot and I couldn't breath properly, only shallow rapid gasps for air was able to make it past the stone that had suddenly, disturbingly materialized itself in my throat.
It took me longer then I'd like to admit for me to realize that I was bawling my eyes out for the first time I could remember.
It was an awful, helpless, shameful, soul-wrenching feeling. And I couldn't stop. All I could do was continue making theses strange, disgusting animal like keening noises as I hugged myself.
And. I. Just. Couldn't. Stop.
Eventually I passed out. I'm okay now. I don't ever smile or laugh or feel any particular emotion but I've finally stopped crying and the answer is no, I haven't moved on. sorry to disappointing you. I really am. I loved you more than anything in the world. Still do. But I'll continue living. Albeit a hollow meaningless life, bit it's a life. It's more than anything I ever thought I'd have after you left me.
I hope you are happy where ever you are and I love you.
I love you, I love you, I love you. You're the only one that can make me cry.
Politician. Also known as a smarmy, disgusting, manipulative human that isn't actually really a human. Ha, what a joke. We're not human at all. Please don't lump our kind with weak, narrow-minded, whiny humans. We are far superior. Long live Mars.
"Promise me," she whispered, tears in her baby blue eyes, the same color as her mother. I smiled in an agreeable way hoping that she wouldn't notice that I hadn't voiced any agreement at all. There was no way I'd be able to keep that promise.
My eight year old daughter lifted her head, blond curls bouncing, and she looked me in the eyes with a serious expression. I'd never seen her look that serious before. That expression made me feel more guilty than anything else could have.
"Pinky promise," she said gravely lifting her pinky with that same serious expression that looked so wrong on an eight year old on her cute little face.
My breath hitched.
"Promise me that you won't die, dad." Katie said, still holding up her pinky finger. "You're a superhero. Stupid bone cancer can't beat you."
I didn't dare tell her that the doctor had already told me that I had less than a week left. I just smiled at her shakily and hugged her. I didn't shake her pinky. she cried for so long and than she started screaming that she hated me through her tears until my wife had to take her away. That was the last time I saw my family.
A man must not touch another man inappropriately. A man must not love another the way a wife and husband love each other. That's what they've always taught us. that's what they've always said. But when I kissed you and you smiled nothing had ever felt so right.
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writing since 2013 · 24 entries · 23 days shown up
each square is a day—lit means Mya showed up.
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the words Mya reaches for
loveeyesfacestopcrydooranothereventeveningbluebeautifulfingersmiledpromiseableexpression