mybeautifulrescue
every time i become friends with him. something happens. something that makes me cry. something that makes me hate him. but then i become friends with him again. its the same thing. over and over again. it's on repeat. it's just going to keep replaying over and over. and there's nothing i'm going to do about it. i'll just keep letting it happen. and i don't know why.
always.
i was standing in the back. i purposely blocked the coffin from view. i didnt want to see it. i didnt wanna face the fact that he was gone. the flag spread across it and the men standing by to do the ceremony made it worse. his kids all went to the front. everyone had a solemn look on their face. i couldnt bare to look at the coffin. i was keeping it all together. then i felt a slight shove. "move closer" but thats exactly what i didnt want. i didnt want to see anything. i didnt want it to be real. why did it have to happen? and thenas they started talking i started losing it. all i remember is the end. i had only slightly lost it. but then i got a hug. "you know he loved you very much." and then i jsut couldnt take it any longer. the tears poured out.
i've been jumping form the tops of buildings, for the thrill of the fall, ignoring sound advce, and any thought of consequence. my bones are shattered, my pride is shattered. and in the midst of this self inflicted pain, i can see my beautiful rescue. i'm falling more in love, with every single word i withhold. and i'm falling more in love with every single word you say, i'm falling head over heels for you..... my beautiful rescue: this providence.