purplem19
I’m not entirely sure what it meant when I was told the first time. It wasn’t until I realized how reluctant I was to use the phrase myself that I noticed just how potent it really was. Three words that can make or break a human beings psyche have no business being loosy thrown around in way. Maybe it was the pressure that got to me, it was my guilt for not having that gut feeling that urged me to say the words that inevitably made me say them. After I uttered them the first time I felt like I was lying, I knew I was just mouthing empty words but even as obvious as it was, somehow they held weight to his ears. Guilt eats at me still, through the years, through that relationship that failed , through the many others. I had said it once and his addiction to them grew, as did mine. I couldn’t stop saying them and neither could he and even though at first the words meant nothing, I soon began to believe them. Years later, I can’t trust those words. I see through them, the feathery weight is so light on my ears and heavy on my heart. I hear the words and feel nothing becasue I know its just something to say. By saying those words I ruined my ability to trust them, I have no faith in “I love you” anymore, and I have no one to blame but myself. I guess that’s why they tell us “say what you mean and mean what you say”.